July 28, 2008
I know I have not been updating very much on this site and the new. There were many events that has past accompanied by my busy schedule, workload, and troubles. I am still recovering from cough and flu, and previously, fever. So, this sickliness of me is bonding me to my very limits. I hope I could get well soon.
Besides, I have busy planning my essay in advance due to the fact that I have four units to juggle with this semester. It has been quite taxing and draining on me and I really have to thank my fortunate encounter with some things that have enlightened me during my hiatus.
First, I discovered more than just genetic and biological explanations to how things work. I began to uncover things which are known to be spiritual. Not dealing with anything of the spirit here, but phenomenons that are known to be mysteriously existing around us. Things like love, faith, trust, compassion, nurture, growth, maturation, and development. Things which are non-natural in nature, or rather, things which are of nurturing quality.
Next, I came into conclusion that we are limited in our knowledge, and hence, the need to be religious or spiritual is not a crime, but the real crime is to (1) enforce one's own belief against another's by force and other political or social means, (2) to take a scripture literally by discarding reason, (3) and to hold on to reason by thoroughly discarding the irrational. All these three mistakes are the ones made out of emotions and strong fundamental beliefs, rather than pure reason.
The reason why I disagree with the new atheism is because they disregard the irrational by simply forming a schema about religious people and calling them insane, or mad, or psychologically impaired. I was once like these atheist until I thought about the logic of birthday celebration. The question is, "Why do we blow out the flames from the candles of a birthday cake?" It would seem irrational and crazy to people who do not celebrate such ritual before in their entire life. So in conclusion, we do not have the position to judge what is irrational or rational until we experience certain phenomena which gives us our personal solution to our life.
Without time and space, we would not be able to exist, let alone to think. That is why we are here... because of time and space, and of course many other things that we yet to discover in time to come. I am a skeptic still - a skeptic of religion, and a skeptic of science. Science can bring us to a certain extent of knowledge, but we should also value experience and other phenomena beyond our understanding or belief.
Anyway, while travelling back home, I decided to create a different theme for this main blog of mine. I realise that I have not been sharing my life and my struggles for quite a long time. And, especially right now, when I am attached, I do feel certain difficulty trying to express myself to my significant other, and also, embarrassed to tell anyone about how I actually struggle to keep my feelings under control whenever I have certain thoughts of commiting adultery.
Yeah yeah... you guyz can condemn me for this thought, but honestly, this is what many men are struggling with. Please do not blame us, because there are many things that women should know about men. The very first thing I want to highlight is that men are not jerks by nature. They are biologically and sociologically made in such a way that they function differently than their women counterparts. I despise a certain group of people, regardless of gender, who have a schema, or a stereotype of how a man or a woman should be like. Such shallow mentality would not be the point I would make in my future entries, and would not be the aim of my blog. Anyway, I don't really care about the criticisms I would get by expressing my struggles here, because I would also end with a positive note. So, if there are things which you find offensive, just ignore.. the same way like I would ignore your future nonsense, if that ever happens.
I'm getting ready to sleep now... it's late. I'll blog another day.
July 13, 2008
I just celebrated my darling's birthday a week in advance. It's very unusual because of all days in a week, I discovered that my sociology lesson commences on a Monday, which falls on my girlfriend's birthday - the day which I'd like to set it aside just to celebrate her birthday with her. I wanted to make her feel special but she declined that I skip my lesson just for her. I guess she's the most understanding woman I have ever met in my entire life.
I got to know my results. They suck. I got distinction for non-core subjects and credits for core subjects. This is so silly, and I feel like an idiot. Sigh... how can I score better this semester. This time round, it would be my last. How? Need some answers... >.<
Anyway, I have received most of my new textbooks and am quite excited to start a brand new second half of my third year of Psychology major. So I would be very busy as I have lots to read up and research on. I need some well wishes...
July 05, 2008
Finally I got the mood to blog.. Recently, I haven't been feeling well due to some very bad throat infection, body aches, and miserable emotions. I admit, I haven't been feeling very well lately. Perhaps that's the reason why I blog. Each time I have a problem or an issue, I would just blog my way. And sometimes when I wanted to express my feelings in
Existentialist, that feeling was gone even before I sit on my computer chair. I just wasn't in a mood to blog or write... I don't know why. Perhaps I have too many doubts, worries, and anxieties deep within me.
Life sucks now. That's the holy truth. I can never lie here that life is good. Maybe in front of others I have lied many times. Life is NOT good, and life IS a bitch. It is a struggle for existentence as usual and to exist is not just to find meaning in my life, but to avoid alienation by opposing the societal truth. Somehow I need to start giving life and vitality to my purpose and goals. But at the mean time, I am still searching for my identity.
It's pathetic, isn't it? Usually, in the course of growth and development, teenagers are people who are in their midst of searching for their identity. But for me, no matter how much I do admit that I understand myself, ironically, I still have a long way to go, because I still do not know what my true potential is, what my strengths are, what my weaknessess are, and who am I. I think I am young enough to still have the fire of idealism within me and there are a few things I aspire to do. However, idealism doesn't work unless I get down to serious business with myself. I do not have much contacts and I'm an introvert. I am seriously crying inside of me for some miracles and someone who understands and is willing to give me a hand... or be my companion or advisor.
Life sucks because no one cares. And no one is willing to even give a hand just by answering my fucking SMS, which is regarding my career. Is everyone that selfish? Well, perhaps that's life. But if that's life, then what the fuck am I or are we living for? For God? Goodness sake! Some God's people are uncaring and hypocrites, not to mention dependable. I am holding to grudges, and well, I find it very hard to forgive. Because right now, I feel VERY alone, not lonely. I don't get it. I don't bite; I don't shout; I am not rude... and I certainly don't kill. Where the fuck have all my friends gone to? Are they the same as the MNCs, the TNCs, or other corporations that doesn't even give a damn? Yes, I am strong with my words and speak the harsh truth about reality. But don't I deserve that little bit of credit by being a friend of many?
Life sucks because when you speak the harsh direct truth, and when you are opinionated, as well as when you screwed up some of your fucking sentences, you are fucked there and then. Yes, this is the type of personality that is considered a true friend - one who speaks the truth even though it hurts at times, and one who is willing to criticise for the good of another person. But it seems that no one wants a true friend.
EVERYONE wants either an crapper, a stunner, a fucker, a fool, a jerk, a seducer, a prostitute, a pimp, an asshole, a bastard, an idiot, and someone to do business with. Life sucks because of this.
Now you tell me, how shall I be at peace? I can't be at peace with everyone. I want to. But it is pretty hard these days. Even the muslims are not at peace with certain kinds of people. So what the fuck is Mohammed doing? Yea.. same goes like this: Even many of us are not at peace with one another because of differences, power, authority, money, career, and status. So what the fuck is society doing? FUCK society! FUCK the government! FUCK the world! And definitely, FUCK our environment. How about this (I think this is a good one)? - Even most of us are not at peace with ourselves. So what the fuck are WE doing? Hmm??
Fuck life.
