March 29, 2008
I just returned from a visit to Chomp Chomp with Sean and my girl. We didn't eat much but shared more heated up conversations on faith and reason instead. I think it's time to draw a certain line between what we know and what we don't know but yet putting our faith in it. I do not have much appetite these days due to the stress I'm facing regarding my lab reports as there are two reports to be due in the middle of next month. In addition, I am having quite a few querries to be clarified this Tuesday's lesson. Pressures...
I wish there were more time for me to do what I always wanted to do. I was told that I should be spending my time wisely and that I should manage it wisely too. I know these but nobody seems to understand that there are so many things that I want to do and so little time. Thus, I really hope that I could live pass one hundred years in order to get things done. I'm crazy, I know, but if you have a passion to live your life to the fullest, why not a long healthy one to go along? Time is short and it rockets. I don't understand why so many people whom I happen to know, do not want to live that long. Tired of living? Seeing no meaning in life? Having no passion for living to succeed? Being pushed to a corner without a way out?
It could be thousands of reasons positive or negative, but still, the best thing in life, is that we have it. Just one. One life is all we have. There is nothing after that. Nothing left after we die. No heaven. No hell. No purgatory. No reincarnations. No afterlife. No paradise. Death is the end of life. And Utopia doesn't exist, but only in the minds of a dreamer. And dreams do not become reality. Dreams become reality because it is plausible. Practicality plays the most part in reality. Thus, there is a lot for dreams to be accountable for if it ever were to become part of reality. Hence, I do not see visions; I do not have dreams; I do not have a purpose. What do I have then? I only have desires, passion, and potentials to make things happen. Desires are what makes us human. And it is because of our desires, do we give meaning in our lives and attaching purpose and values to that meaning. It is human desires (and our brain) that set goals and ambitions, as well as enabling us to be responsible and passionate beings.
Nothing in this world has a meaning. Everything is meaningless. Life itself, is meaningless. Money is without value. Clothes are nothing but cloth. Matter exists without purpose. In fact, every object is nothing but an object itself, meaningless, valueless, purposeless, and without a direction. Now, the question you may want to ask is: If everything has neither meaning, nor purpose, nor value, nor direction, then why should we bother to live?
It is because we live that gives us the authority and freedom to explore our state of being and existence. Our ancestors have always asked this same question over and over again, until they have been driven to seek out meaning in life themselves. Why do I love my girlfriend? Because she has a meaning and a value to me. I value her, therefore I cherish her. It is also because the time we spent together gives me a form of attachment to her and through these attachments we begin to develop a sense of bonding and thus, we mean something to each other. If such reality do not exist, then she no longer has any meaning me, given the fact that in the orignal state, nothing has a meaning.
Why do I take good care of my lap top? Because it was given to me by my dad. The relationship I had with my dad creates an attachment, which is shown in the way I treat the things that he gave to me. Therefore, my lap top, in turn, means something to me. It thus has a value, a meaning, and an attachment or sentiment to it. If such reality does not exist, then my lap top is nothing but a piece of devise that anyone can throw about or mess around with.
Why is money such an important tool in this world? It is because of its value. Without it, there is no trade, no possession, and no survival. There is no need for money but it could spell disaster and injustice, not to mention, anarchy. But that's besides the point. Money has no value until we give it value. A counterfeit money has no value, but it would have a value if the authority were to give it one (which, I don't think it will happen).
A man has no value, no purpose, no direction, and meaningless. But the reason why we have a purpose is not because God gave us the purpose. It is because we as a species, having lived on this earth for a long long time, became drawn to things that we often ask ourselves such as, "What is the meaning of life?", "How do we get here?", "Why do I feel for that person or for that group of individuals?", or "Where are we heading when we migrate from one part of the globe to another?" Our minds are always doing the trick of asking (tricky) questions and that eventually led us to believe that there must be something which we could make sense of. Hence, the more we explore the world, our lives, and our environment, the more we ask questions and give meaning to things that relate to us in many different ways. God, in conclusion, neither gave us meaning to live, nor purpose to live, nor a sense of direction to live, nor the value of life. It is humans that, throughout their existence in this harsh and competitive environment, attach meaning, value, purpose, and sense of direction in the things that surround them. This natural tendency is the result of our mind, which has the capacity and the window of a unique form of perception that differs greatly from other animal species.
I also mentioned in The Broken Capsule, that we should be able to draw a line between beliefs and knowledge. There is in fact a clear state between believing in something and knowing it because it has been shown to oneself. In short, seeing is not believing, but knowing. I believe not because I see it being shown to me. If that is so, I would have known about it. Yes, even if God were to appear in front of me, I would still not believe that he is God. Because by that time it happens, I know that God had in fact appeared in front of me. In other words, I do not believe but by being shown something, I would have known about it, rather than believing in it. The fact that there is no God appearing in front of me makes me dubious about his very existence. Therefore, my disbelief in God can be put in a way that I believe that God doesn't exist until he shows himself. Yes, so what if I am believing in a disbelief? I am believing because it has not been shown to me, and therefore I can't conclude that I know that God doesn't exist. The only time when I would say that I know something is when that thing has shown itself to be true.
Hence, Science is not a belief, thus, it is not a religion. Science is knowledge. It is a subject which inquisitive minds question their beliefs and have their beliefs tested scientifically and the conclusions drawn by the numerous mutually related evidence that follow. In short, beliefs are forms of hypotheses, which are potentially testable and yet to be disproven. So, for an individual who claims that God exists, it is thus a scientific question. Beliefs and predictions are personal opinions, which do not hold as much of a solid ground as their knowledge adversary. A belief afterall, is just a belief and nothing else. Knowledge is knowing something because it has been shown (not revealed in a 'spiritual' or 'paranormal' way) and physically revealed.
So it is proper to say that "I believe in God.", instead of "I know that God exists because the bible said so."
There is a thick line to draw between them indeed. Believing in something has nothing to do with knowing something. You cannot believe that you are knowing something, but you can know that you are believing in something. Knowing is about consciousness. It is a conscious state of awareness because something has physically been revealed. Believing is an uncertain but courageous act of faith that might either be proven right or wrong, just as hypotheses can be null or disproven.
All the same, the certainty of facts to each and every individual would be dubiously unknown unless that individual seeks after the answers himself. I am seeking my answers. And I would be constantly asking questions about this world, about life, about our well-being, and about our origin. I may or may not find the answers in this life time, but it would be worthwhile to die knowing that I've tried and lived my life to the fullest, in a sense whereby I've explored the world on my own, seen the beauty and wonders with my eyes, and discover the meaning of why we are here.
March 26, 2008
For some time, I have not used the hotmail because of its ugliness. But more so because of its inefficiency and lack of space. Early this morning, I discovered that ever since the existence of Vista, the entire MSN website went through tremendous revolution in the way it looks. Now, it looks better and more attractive. I myself was quite attracted to the look of it, and decided create a brand new account for my MSN and use the functions they have in there.
I have already created my Web Space and this is a rather public Space for my friends and other Internet geeks and lurkers to visit. This is the address for some of you who are interested to know:
frederikan.spaces.live.com.
I will be posting different topics whenever I update my Space, and please don't get the impression that I am promoting atheism because that is not my aim or purpose. My purpose for being a rational free thinker is to encourage free thought as well as rational thinking. I realised that not many people (especially religious ones) are opened enough to question their faith because they have been told not to doubt it in the first place. This should not be the case and the aim of my Space is not to go against religion, but to challenge people to break out of the capsule and think for themselves. Hence the title,
The Broken Capsule.
I know I will face many adversaries and challenges ahead because of what I am doing. But I think it is right on my part to contribute to the rational thinking world, and to support the notion that everybody should be opened enough to talk or discuss about religion, science and beliefs, especially in Singapore where many are still living in fear (of government and of many other things).
I welcome all comments, good or bad.. but nonetheless, I am more concern in instilling the whole idea that we can have the freedom of speech that comes with responsibility. I hereby encourage my fellow Singaporeans to speak out, to start new rules of conversations, and to break the barrier of fear. Unless such action from each individual is taken, there will be no further change but utter prevalence of irrational conformity and lack of responsibility.
I have to go now. And I'm hungry...
p.s. a thousand kisses for my sweetheart..
March 25, 2008
It's pretty hard keeping my blog regularly updated as my third year assignments are piling up. Even if this is one hypothesis now, it would not be disproven in time to come.. probably a year or so. I remembered back in those days when I had some freedom to do whatever I like; whenever I desire, according to my senses. Now, I have to adapt to my schedules and fight for some little space for some quick leisure activities.
I wish I had more time. Not just for my studies; nor relationships; nor hobbies... but more time for everything. I wish I could have more than 24 hours a day.. perhaps 72 hours would be great for one day alone. I would then use 24 hours to sleep, 12 hours to play, and the rest to do my studies - all just in one day. And if I were to be working, it would be 9 hours for work, 15 hours to sleep, and the rest for recreations, sex, or hobbies.
Of course, I really wish to be living in a fantasy land. A Utopian dream ain't that bad, especially when I got sick and tired of the real life. The last template I used for my previous blog was a reflection of how I actually felt. It was a reflection of a deep desire and longing for a Utopian lifestyle, and that was how I came up with themes like 'dreams' and 'a world of ice' et cetera. Although others commented on my creativity which I utilised in building up the template of my blog (which I pretty much appreciate that), it would not be so without my emotions and the thoughts I invested into expressing my deepest (sometimes darkest) feelings inside of me. Still, I could not let go of the Utopian dream which I hold, because of it's usefulness in lifting me up, and getting me out of reality... at least for a while.
Speaking about Utopia, it is quite similar to being captivated (or more like deluded) in spiritualness instead of reality. Such spiritual experience is something which I think most of us need in order to find a place to rest. Our resting place are, however, subjected to our perception of the universe around each and everyone of us. Thus, there can be no similar perception of what a Utopian experience, nor a spiritual experience, and not even a God-related experience is. The contradiction of having a mass gathering of similar world-view is a disastrous activity, and a lousy idea. Unless there are common understanding and mutual support of individual perception of a particular world-view, despite of certain disagreements relating to that view irregardless of its weight or quantity, the very notion of having a gathering of shared world-view remains preposterously redundant.
Hence, our private view of the world, of our experience, and of our imagination, can only come to a common consensus within ourselves. If one is a normal individual, that would most likely happen. Nonetheless, our private thoughts and experiences could be shared only if we want them to be shared. To criticise a private thought or experience is not equivalent to violating the person's right of privacy because the right to privacy is not the same as thoughts or experiences that are private or personal. Therefore, to criticise a theory or religion, there must be factual evidence and logical reasoning. So far, I've met few individuals with religious background who are, though moderate in their stand on Science and Religion, rational and opened in their discussion with topics on beliefs. However, my take (though I shall not discuss much in this entry) is that religion cannot give a solid evident proof about the existence of God. Neither Science nor Religion has the precise answer to God's existence. If this is so, there is no other reason to conclude that the bible or any other scriptural texts could possibly explain this God-like phenomena.
Thus, I shall conclude that the "God" we are worshiping is the God of our perception. Our perception of morality; our perception of the laws of man; our perception of truth. It doesn't matter whose side you are on, because if there is one thing you place your faith in, that object is a God to you. But it would be preposterous to say that the God one is placing his or her faith in is a God which is false, or irrelevant, or improper, then there ought to be more facts in order to support this particular argument. But how much fact is considered adequate in order to explain away such accusation? I hate to say this but, in such circumstance, nothing is satisfactory enough to bring down one's faith in a particular God.
The notion of evangelism has been given a bad name for centuries. The whole idea of reaching out to others has always been a great flaw in my opinion. The big question is - why do we have to tell others what God has done to us, instead of showing them about compassion, about love, about generosity, and about having self-confidence? Indeed, one might think that God or whoever that is invisible or imaginary has done great things in his or her life, but the main point of making a difference is not by telling the world how good God is. Rather, it would be a better idea for the world (only for individuals) to be shown love, respect, compassion, and generosity. Regarding the use of religious doctrines to exercise compassion and to bring about positive change in the society is for the mature and rational group of individuals. This is certainly not for children, not for fanatics, and certainly not for the ignorants.
To bring a church up with people regardless of their maturity or level of knowledge is a disaster. For having a place of agreement (even though there is power), is a place where most conflicts never end. It is so contradictory in this sense and I think that it would be better if the Church hasn't exist in the first place. Free thought should be exercised together with its old friend, logic. It is true that one should be rational and yet at the same time, compassionate. But my take on this is that rationality, morality, compassion, generosity, and love need not be motivated by religious doctrines. In short, if a person thinks he or she can be compassionate, which is part of him or her, by simply subscribing to a moral philosophy, then it is true that his or her faith is in that philosophy. All the same, it does not mean that moral philosophy is his or her religion, for it's not even his or her deepest belief, only a mere subscription to a particular suggestion.
I would like to add that nobody is capable of subscribing completely to a particular philosophy (and that includes a specific belief). And I would like to propose that inflexibility of the self would lead to a life worth dying. If one is inflexible regarding his or her belief, it would be terrible to imagine what might become of him or her should anything adverse were to occur abruptly. If I believe that the earth is the center of the universe and stick to my own belief no matter what, I am definitely in for a terrible news should anyone prove that the earth is round, and that it rotates around the sun. Apparently, someone did. And what would become of me if I am inflexible with my belief? I would die of misery and bitterness.
The beauty of Science is in its uncertainty and unpredictability, which is the reason for attracting inquisitive yet intellectual minds. The humility of Science shows that there are indeed many things and many questions that man has yet to discover for ourselves, as we live in this universe full of things which are still unknown to us. The best thing about Science is that it always keeps us going. It never ceases to fill us all with questions and then our attempts to disprove our hypotheses. It is not traditional, but always progressive. We may not know
it now, but we would know
it sooner or later, but it is better than never. Of course, a billion times better than giving up and leaving them all to false hopes, forever lost in the realms of the unknown.
The challenge that religions should take up is the attempt to show ample evidence with regard to what their doctrines claim. It is therefore not completely our responsibility (as Scientists) to be all the time questioning the reliability of religious scriptures, but it is also partially the religious who need to come out and not just provide evidence, but to question their beliefs as well.
The reason why Science ignores the paranormal and spiritual is due to its ambiguity and untestability. That is the limit of Science. And it is the limit of our human knowledge. However, if Science is limited in knowledge unless proven true, and Religion is limited because of the lack of evidence, then there must be a way to discover the existence of God or the origin of human race. Since so far there are tons of evidence for the fact of evolution, and that AIDS virus too evolve into something deadly is also true, then shouldn't we adopt the fact that evolution is the reason for our existence? It doesn't make religion false, but that evidence is the proof of fact. However, if some of you think that Science and Religion can co-exist, then show me how evolution can be an explanation for Adam and Eve, as well as how evolution can be an explanation for how a walking and talking snake loses its legs and voice. There is one thing I predict that if a snake knows how to talk, its brain would have the cognitive ability to do so. None of that has been found. Instead, monkeys are shown to be more intelligent than the snake in terms of their cognitive abilities, which are a lot similar to human beings.
Once again, if Religion can co-exist with Science, then what is the Science behind Religion? This is the question I would like to ask and to seek an answer for.
But for now, Religion has got nothing to do with the state, with education, and more so, with Science.
March 18, 2008
What a busy week! The reason why I have the time to type some words into this spacious entry is because the due date for my Sociology assignment has been postponed till next Wednesday. Hooray!
I hate to write about politics and their perspectives of Social Justice. It is similar to the alternate version of those fine tuning arguments about morality, and what is good and what isn't. I don't understand why such relativism is necessary anyway - the fact that it just makes things more complicated and contradictory at times. On the other hand, universalism of ethics is just going to make things worse because not every person is able to subscribe to one single set of principles, especially in a world filled with intellectuals, yuppies, and morons. But I know just one thing that all of us ought to do in order to achieve social justice: To treat one another with love and respect.
By this, I mean that we should respect an individual without judging him or her. Yet, we mustn't allow this respect to go out of control, just like what we are doing with religion. I certainly expect people to exclaim out loud at this point where I mention the word "religion". Yes, it is that sort of belief that we need to challenge. It has received plenty of limelight over the past centuries, and gained quite an overflowing amount of "respect" any man has ever wasted.
Anyway, I'm left with half an essay to go before handing it up as soon as I complete it. Tomorrow is just another day for me to complete my assignment, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing my darling tomorrow...
Oh, darling, it's been two days since we celebrated our first year anniversary. I've got no time to update my blog then as we were enjoying ourselves so much... anyway, HAPPY FIRST YEAR and 2 days ANNIVERSARY DEAR!!!
I love you.
March 11, 2008
Bill promotes school religion at expense of educationDave McNeelySpecial to The Sun
EDMOND — The Oklahoma House of Representatives Education Committee has just approved House Bill 2211. The bill is expected to pass the full House, and then to go to the Senate. Its authors describe it as promoting freedom of religion in the public schools. In fact, it does the opposite.
HB 2211 is identical to bills widely introduced into state legislatures across the nation, where they have met various fates. Texas’s Legislature passed it, and Texas is experiencing serious problems as a result. Liberty Legal Institute of Plano, Texas, a group of fundamentalist Christian lawyers, drafted the bill and promoted to legislatures, including Oklahoma’s. It was not written by its Oklahoma legislative “authors.”
The bill requires public schools to guarantee students the right to express their religious viewpoints in a public forum, in class, in homework and in other ways without being penalized.
If a student’s religious beliefs were in conflict with scientific theory, and the student chose to express those beliefs rather than explain the theory in response to an exam question, the student’s incorrect response would be deemed satisfactory, according to this bill.
The school would be required to reward the student with a good grade, or be considered in violation of the law.
Even simple, factual information such as the age of the earth (4.65 billion years) would be subject to the student’s belief, and if the student answered 6,000 years based on his or her religious belief, the school would have to credit it as correct. Science education becomes absurd under such a situation.
(Read more...)Thanks to atheistmedia and DoctorE for the link.When I logged on to my computer after my long conversation with my friend, the above piece of news came as a frightening nightmare that got me screaming deep within my soul. Again and again, whenever I log on to the Internet and wherever I go, it seems that the religious world-view is turning into deeply held irrational belief that has become an apparent threat to our civilisation. At one point in time, it cultivated the notion of moral philosophy: in teaching individuals to love one another, even though the notion of spiritually is present (such as God or deities to be respected and worshiped). And through the generations, religious beliefs have evolved. There were radical changes to many different religious beliefs over the course of history. Such evolution of religion is inevitable, which is partly due to the ambiguity of their misinterpretation-prone scriptural texts. Presently, it seems that most religious people, especially the Christians in general, could not differentiate between the church and the state; fact or fiction; evidence or fairy tale; science or superstition.
Jesus said, "Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's". (Matthew 22:21)
By these words, Jesus has made it very clear that there must be a line to draw between the church and the state. There must also be line to draw between what is of your personal belief or superstition, and those of the reality (the issues we are facing today in the society). Do not EVER think that only the Christian faith, or the Muslim faith, or the Jewish faith is the way and truth to life - depending on which of these religion you are embracing (in a sense that such faiths, like any hardcore religious individual would deem as "truth", constantly prostitute themselves in a contradicting manner, and at the same time, rejecting the reliability of all evidence-based sciences). That said, I think irrational faiths and beliefs in this case, are totally insane, narrow-minded, fanatic, and utterly out of this world.
By the way, what is so difficult in accepting the fact that the earth is indeed billions of years old? And what is it so difficult in accepting the fact that our DNA contain specific information of our own physical characteristics, and will be passed on to the next generation, where they would acquire certain features that we now have? And what is so difficult in accepting the fact that HIV viruses evolve, from harmless simplicity to a complex death threat to an individual clueless about this infection? What is so difficult in accepting the reality that evolution is a scientific fact? The answer lies with one word: RELIGION.
Religion is to be blamed for coercively indoctrinating the misguided information that science had not and did not even discover. Although there may be millions of things that scientists have not disproved, it does not give the lay man permission to create a Utopian evangelistic committee just to pin themselves onto false hopes, rejecting the advances of medicine and science altogether. With the degree of reliance upon scientific evidence in our daily lives, there would be hope for progress, free thought, critical thinking, and reason. Morality (either from personal ethics or religion) should be secondary to evidence and fact, not because it is of less importance, but because of its subjectivity and ambiguity.
Guess what, with the contamination of these religious nutcases, stem cell research has been halted. There goes our scientific progress, which would in turn affect our social progress as well. With the presence of such religious fundamentalism, and the ignorance of not being able to distinguish between fact and fiction, reality and fantasy, science and religion, church and the state, then I would not be surprise to find myself waking up one day to a time when the pope is the central authority of the entire world.
Do you want a theocracy? No, I don't want it. I detest it. I hate it. I am disgusted by it. If ever theocracy becomes the world's dominant rule, instead of capitalism and secularism, then we would all become slaves to falsehoods - the earth is flat, the sun rotates around the earth, the earth is 6000 years old, man appeared magically from the dust, snakes could magically walk and talk, water could magically turn into wine, money could appear from nowhere and so on...
There is a limit of respect to which the secular state can ever give to religion. This piece of news is utterly shocking, and the way such religion (in this case, Christianity) has literally brain-washed much of the American population, is in my opinion, too much to take. I think there should not be any more tolerance to this atrocity for the sake of appeasing or "respecting" such religious faith. Immediate action must therefore be taken.
March 08, 2008
It has been quite a while since I blogged.
I hate to say this but I have been down with flu and slight cough, so much for the late nights. Don't ask me why, because if it's something important that pushes me to that limit, it is indeed important to me.
I have been doing some self-reflections lately, and for the past few days, I took some time off for myself just to think about the things in my life. Well, it's too private to say over here as there are people reading every single word I write. So to make things clear, especially to those readers who are not my friends yet, I am perfectly fine and sane (my friends and love ones can testify that). And I have been generally happy about my life all these while. Except that sometimes I find myself in some situations whereby things just get a little bit confusing for me. Hence, the need for some self-reflections and vacations.
Last week, I mentioned that soon after my counseling lesson, I thought of trying out some therapy sessions just to see how things work for me. Not that I'm deeply struggling with some stupid dilemmas, which I cannot overcome (Well, speaking of which, I have fortunately dealt with my repression after the long vacation). I have totally no idea about the cost for those many sessions of therapy, but I'm quite open about it. Unfortunately, the Asian society we are living in is still not as liberal as it ought to be, especially in Singapore when much of the population have not dealt with the taboo of seeing a personal counsellor or psychiatrist. That is the main reason why most people, including those who are in great risk of losing their sanity, are very much hesitant with regard to making a simple trip to seek help from these counsellors or professionals. On the contrary, I, too, felt a little concerned regarding how some people would view me as. Needless to say, I am also just as guilty. I can't stand contradicting myself sometimes. I am not insane, else I would be in the "solitary room" by now. But, that's beside the point. We all have problems, and sometimes, we just need some opinions from professionals. I think everyone of us should go for some therapy sessions for the sake of self-awareness and hopefully making some positive changes in certain areas of our lives.
That said, there are still that stubborn mindset, which is still lingering within this conservative Asian society. The mindset that "only mad people would go for psychotherapy". I know, it's easier said than done when we, the more knowledgeable sort of people would argue that it isn't the case at all. Given the fact that much of our troubles began with a tiny harmless thought - thoughts that consciously, or subconsciously occur in our minds, which in turn produce the result of our behaviours, and finally, our habits. Therefore, the notion of self-consciousness, nevertheless, still holds me back. I hope I could get over it in time.
Anyway, lesson was interesting as usual. This time, it wasn't about reflection, it was about "schema detection". Months ago, I completed the MBTI test in my previous semester and I scored really high on Thinking and moderately high on Judgemental. That was a really brilliant test that sort of reflect upon the way would react to certain situation. I tend to be rather organised and structured in my daily lifestyle. I'm a planner, I hate chaos, I like things to be organised, and I love it when things are done in a more orderly manner. That explains why, in my previous entries, I grumbled a lot whenever I encounter last minute appointments, announcements, or even changes. I hate to see things done in a rather disorganised manner, and that poses a little bit of inconvenience for me and the people around. Such craziness and obsessions about organisation and neatness really could have some effects on how I handle people. This lesson I had this afternoon placed me in a good position to have a good look about how I would treat others during situations when things become ambiguous or unpredictable. We all have stereotypes and that could in turn affect every counsellor's reactions to certain pressures and tense situations. But given situations when I really tried my best in handling pressures, I tend to be pushy, judgemental, and pretty nasty (which, is quite an understatement).
I once dreamed of being a marriage counsellor. Okay, don't be shocked. Don't panic. Don't scream. I know there are lots for me to learn and bark up if I were to chase that old dream of mine. Currently, my reason for studying Counselling as one of my psychology electives is to get to know exactly what kind of person am I. And true enough, I have learned quite a lot during the first few weeks of lessons. The subject of Psychology is so interesting and I would strongly recommend anyone who has a passionate interest in people, discovering themselves, and how the mind works.
It's late at night now... and I think it's time for me to turn in before those flu bugs attack me again.
I'll be back with more entries, I promise. Good night people...
March 01, 2008
My new semester started today. My very first lesson was Introduction to Counselling.
It was a class which was unexpectedly different from the ones which I have previously attended as this first lesson was indeed person-centred in my point of view. Honestly, this is one of the many lessons I enjoyed, not because of the fun or laughter, nor the joy of talking nonsense. Rather, my lecturer brought everybody into a session of self-reflection in order to discover more about ourselves. This self-awareness, so to speak, is one of the very important ingredients in becoming a successful therapist.
I was enlightened by how wonderfully all of what I have learned and experienced worked out perfectly in one clear picture. To cut the story short, I have truly learned a lot this afternoon and enjoyed my first lesson. On the other hand, this session of asking ourselves a few self-reflecting questions flashed on the projector was a frightening one for many. Self-reflection is something which we do not do very often I believe. And for me, I learned quite a lot about myself and for the very first time, I could finally list quite a long list of strengths and weaknesses I have. Finally, I think the only thing that I should work hard on is the area of my perfectionism. In its extreme, it would make me a horrifying obsessive-compulsive arse to many. In its moderation, it would give me an unstable tendency to fall short of my sanity. I think my perfectionism is the result of my pride and difficulty in dealing with angry and judgemental people.
It is such irony, isn't it? That in life, the people you meet are not those who would make you like them. Because they don't like you either. I was amazed at how, in fact, angry individuals attract angry people, and how positive individuals attract happy people. The attraction is just besides the point. If one thinks that attraction is the conclusion of such relationship formation, then he or she had just missed the mark altogether. However, the key reason for such attraction is a purposeful one, and, if some would like to put it, a potentially therapeutic one.
There was a time I realised how uncomfortable I felt when someone whined to me about his or her (not mentioning any names or gender) breakup situation. He or she was of course depressed and totally desperate for another loving relationship. There and then I did not realise why I felt uncomfortable and sounded pretty much insensitive when I told him or her something like, "Regardless of your situation, you have to move on. NOBODY is going to be of any help if you don't! Please stop that whining!"
Today's lesson concluded an unresolved issue regarding the way I personally resolved my past breakups. In fact, I did not resolve it but let it slide under the carpet for so long now. I realised that with so much repression in my life regarding the areas of my past breakups one after another has made me an utterly different individual, and most of all, a fearful and paranoid one whenever I deal with issues of breakups or relationships, be it somebody's or mine.
The more I talk about this, the more I feel like I should be the one going for some counselling instead. In fact, I should. Because I think if I continue to repress my depression, it would not do me any good.
I hope I could have some time for that... perhaps...
