February 28, 2007
I'm terribly shattered these days.. not just because of my work load in my work place but I have a hard time dealing with my pride and ego. I just don't know how to go about dealing with it. This trait seems to be there all along as if it is engraved within a tombstone. I am fully aware that some people couldn't take my arrogance, which is something I'm struggling with. But I felt pressurized at the same time due to the fact that I'm trying so hard just to please others in order to change the way I act and behave.
I know I have flaws. MANY of them. I don't want to change into somebody I am not. There are certain extent where I should tone down my pride and ego a little.. this, I understand. I really don't want to try so hard anymore. It's like I'm not doing myself a favor at all. Please.. tell me what I should do now.
Maybe I'm scarred to the point that my heart has turned cold towards others. Maybe because of this, not only have I forgotten the feeling of being loved, but also forgotten how to love somebody. Somebody called me a jerk over the weekend. Am I really one? Maybe I am one.. I don't know. But all I know is, they can say whatever they like to say. However, in my heart, they are still my friends and people special to me.. including
her. Everyone thinks I'm bad. Everyone thinks I'm heartless, ruthless, heart-hardened and cold. But the fact is.. when they mean something to me, I seldom say it. Not even to my girlfriend (if I ever have one). That's when they don't really know or understand me.
I'm very surprised that even my cell group leader could tell me most about myself last weekend when she spoke to me about that 'sms incident'. I do agree that I sounded arrogant and very insensitive. Part of me was feeling very down and upset about certain things in my life, which I did not share about. Part of me felt hurt by the words of a friend that day. And it's still hurts.. 'cos it ate into my ego and I'm still feeling a bit sore inside. I'd like to hear words of praise but that doesn't means I couldn't take criticisms. Constructive criticisms that make sense to me will be absorbed and overnight, I may even think it over, reconsidering the entire situation. Furthermore, she mentioned that I'm the type of guy who does not entertain people telling me just what to do, or interfere with my decision-making process. In chinese.. this trait sounded really crude. It is unfortunately called 大男人主意. It's not so chauvinistic as you think it is.. ah well. I'm just surprised that someone who just knew me for a short time could tell this much about me. I'm just amazed.
Alright, my secret's out. I'm a jerk. I'm half a chauvinist. I put some people down. So what are you gonna do with me? Leave me alone and not bother me anymore? Do what you want to do now. I'm powerless; I've lost all my energy and I'm really breaking down inside.
I just had a long day at work today and I'm tired as hell. Met Sean, Elaine and Maddy for a short dinner and some shopping activity this evening. There I was looking forward to a time of chill and enjoyment with those friends. But Maddy was pulling a long face. I could sense something wasn't right but she doesn't even want to share with me. The truth is, I hate it when this happens. It doesn't piss me off that much but it's kind of irritating when girls start throwing tantrums and pulling long faces. Although I'm kind of used to all these nonsenses of theirs, it never fails to ruin the day. It's really not your fault Maddy. You have your own troubles and problems. I'm just ranting here so I hope you'll understand.
I'm really sick and tired of all these, really. If you girls just won't talk things out, then there's nothing I could do about it. Sometimes, girls can be
real funny creatures.. no offense, but this could be a pain in the neck too. ARGH!!!!! WHY CAN'T GOD JUST MAKE EVERYTHING SIMPLER?!
Where's my smile? Have I lost it? It's been a long time since
that kind of smile has been on my face. And I look deceivingly good and happy in my pictures too. Just like any superstar...
Is there someone out there who is meant for this 'flawful' being? Or should I just trot on alone in this Snow-covered Territory?
February 27, 2007
I feel so mentally refreshed now as I blog. I just came back home from a slow jog of six rounds around the stadium together with my parents. This is the first time in two months when I recommenced my exercise regime and the release of endolphins always feels great at the end of the day. I did some weights and my shoulders feel puffed up now. I feel stronger after a short exercise this evening.. which is a good thing. It's good to be fit again. When you're fit, you'll look good and attractive. This not only builds my ego and confidence, but it gives me the sufficient concentration in the things I do daily in order to be efficient and effective.
I thought about a lot of things lately. But now, I have not much to write about 'cos it's been a long day at work and work out. Thus, it's time for me to rest and leave you guyz a little
"Thought of the Day"...
"What is a drug? A drug is a substance consumed primarily for non-dietary needs. When consumed, it can alter specific bodily functions resulting in some forms of relief or healing processes or any other purposes. Drugs can change one's cognitive processes overtime. In turn, it will change one's life.
What is love? Love is a substance received without harsh demands. When received, it can change the way you feel inside and alter your bodily functions resulting in the rise of hormones or some forms of satisfaction that heals the inner soul of a being or any other purposes. Love can change the way one thinks and feels overtime. In turn, it will change one's life.
Drug is addictive. And so is love. Love is like a drug. Too much of it will cause dependency; too little of it will cause withdrawal. The one who prescribes the right amount and kind of love will secure another within the relationship, although the constant renewal of thoughts and feelings are inevitable. Similarly, the one who chooses to receive the right amount and kind of love would one day find himself or herself transformed from inside out.
When we say no to drugs, we are ignoring the fact that anything can be a drug itself. Because like drugs, anything has the potential of becoming an object of addiction, dependence and obsession. Ignorance is not a bliss. Lack of knowledge is the fall of one's caliber. Instead, the lifestyle that leads to obsession, dependence and addiction must be refrained. Hence, there ought to be a start of a new campaign that says 'yes' to drugs but 'no' to the lifestyle of ignorance." -
Thomas Frederick Lim, 2007
February 26, 2007
Class was canceled today at the last minute. Argh!!! Early in the Monday morning and frustrating news like this pops out of no where. This is so screwed up. Well, I've never thought TMC to be any better than other private institution anyway..
Instead of going for class today, I made an appointment with my TCM physician to get my health checked today. Things have been improving but only just a little bit, which is not a very good sign or result my physician expected. So I was told to sleep early from now on. Haiz... I'll try my best at that.
Met up with Steve this afternoon after lunch to shop around and watch a movie. It's been some time since I last saw him and he has already ORDed!!! Congratulations buddy! You are now a free man.. or rather, a free civilian! lolx
We went to watch Just Follow Law, a film directed by Jack Neo. It's a great improvement from his previous films in my opinion. I'd say that it's worth watching this show for the laughter and lame lines that are frequently used in local tongues. All in all, it's a good show. Here's by rating for this show...
I rate it four stars for the interesting plot and the ticklish local humor shown in this film. I couldn't help to be continuously tickled by some of those humorous lines. However, this show has it's meaning although most of the time it kept the audience laughing their hearts out. This movie describes how many of us locals are either being too rigid or anarchic. There's a time to follow the rules and there's also another time to be flexible with what we are doing. But at the end of the day, what really matters is that we ought to have integrity in all that we do.
It's a nice movie. I would recommend you guyz to watch it!
Before the movie, Steve and I went to check out some stores. I wanted to get the blazer from Jean Perrie but my allowance has not been transacted into my bank account so I couldn't purchase that. Sadz...
But as we were walking around the place, I thought of getting a necklace for myself. So, I went to 77th Street, which is the most accessible store on that very level in Heeren, and got this...
It's not much of a 收货 today but at least I got something, which catches my eye. I can be pretty lost in choosing what looks attractive on me.. not like some people who have girlfriends to dress them up, making them look great all the time. The good thing about being single is that I get to do whatever I want but sometimes, I'd get carried away and do stupid things. Damn.
Have you ever been in a group where people will start looking at you differently especially after you just broke up with somebody?
Have you ever felt that after the break up, they look at you as if you are a sore loser who cannot maintain a relationship well?
Have you ever felt that such people are just plain jerks and critics that start judging you when something hurting that's beyond anyone's control has happened to you?
We don't want it in the first place. And I'm now beginning to detest being in a group of people who knows me so well... we are not just unrelated by blood; but also unrelated by the way we rationalize things. Hence, I've received all kinds of judgments from these people who doesn't even fully understand what I'm going through right now. No, I'm not missing anybody or anyone. No, I'm not putting myself in a state of self-pity just to draw attention from others. No, I'm not torturing myself by rehearsing those good old memories that have passed away. I want to move on. I am moving on. And I want to love someone again.
Is it so hard to just have someone I could related my feelings to? Is it so hard to just have a few dates to get to know people more? C'mon I'm not desperate. I am just slowly looking out for the right person. I enjoy going on dates and I'm not afraid of screwing things up because I'm used to all kinds of shit already. So whatever, it doesn't matter to me any longer. This is me - TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. So if there's any more things to complain about for some, it is going to be the issue about me being a desperado. I mean.. HELLO...???!!! Are you getting the right person? No, you're not!
After all, who cares what people think about me? I appreciate the kind words from some of my friends.. even advices too, although I'm not very comfortable with the way some people look at me.. as if I CMI (cannot make it). SAY WHAT YOU WANT. THINK WHAT YOU WANT! It's your brain... it's your mouth. I can't do anything else except to kill you, which explains the impossibility of taking any action for eternity.
No wonder my backsliden ex-gf used to say, "Your value goes up when you are attached, more than when you are single." Looks like what she said is coming true for me. But I'm not going to buy this logic, because my value is not determined by anybody.
LISTEN TO ME.
I AM PRICELESS. AND THIS IS HOW GOD SEES ME. I AM OF GREAT VALUE IN HIS EYES.
.. and I'm still waiting for someone to see me the way He does.
February 25, 2007
Time flew by so quickly and about a year has passed since that fateful day when two lovers met each other after the release of the 'A' Level results. Jumping with joy, the two love birds took a stroll down the streets of Esplanade enjoying each other's company. Those days were gone.
That year has passed away, so did the relationship. Everything has gone away..
... and soon, both of them had forgotten about each other after they each forsake themselves and went their separate ways.. even blocking each other from their MSNs and emails. The relationship lies broken, dead and unresurrected. The one who suffered most is the one who gave the most in the relationship. He had a tough time dealing with this loss until some people came into his life once again. A few caring friends made his day.
But despite all that, this man couldn't much remember the feeling of falling in love again. He forgot what it means to really fall in love for he couldn't feel his heart any longer. Has it turned as cold as ice? Has it turned away from him the moment he lost that someone dear to him? Or is it still alive and beating for somebody else?
He doesn't know..
But all he knows is that he has to move on. And he is indeed doing very well right now. He met a few wonderful people and plans to meet more friends, both male and female alike. He will be a successful person in time to come as he never fails to pick himself up each time he falls. He wants to be better but he is now facing major changes in his life, which he is struggling to adapt to. He would love to like someone again.. but he doesn't know if she's the one who can be true to him.
This man is the legend of this blog and he will one day be somebody who is stable, respected and loved by the woman who chose to be with him despite all his current flaws... I believe he can do it.
I love you, man.
Blogs come in many different varieties - news & commentaries, photoblogs, sketchblogs, vlogs, podcasting and for many, personal online diaries.
Many people have their reasons for starting a blog or writing one. But of all blogs, online diaries are the most personal but yet public. They are also known to be controversial in the eyes of the conventional. People who are not inclined towards expressing themselves in a diary book often turn to the cyber world where typing makes everything so easy and convenient. Typing makes writing faster and the amount of effort applied in writing a diary entry is three times lesser than writing with a pen. Most people will prefer the more convenient way since the Internet is so available.
Why do we blog? We blog for many reasons. Let's talk about myself for a while.
I blog for a few reasons:
1 - To express my inner thoughts and desires. This place contains most of my inner emotions, deeper thoughts and petty rants. It is personal and at the same time, controversial. "Why write your deepest thoughts and confessions when you can write them in a book?", many people asked me. Well, like I said, it is way convenient to type with my fingers than to write with my palm, fingers and wrist. The problem with Blogger.com is that blog entries do not provide an option for bloggers to make their entry a private one. However, I still use Blogger.com because I can design and decorate my blog to make it look great.
2 - To rant. Of course, we all have bad days. And the place to rant is in our blogs. For me, it is in MY blog that my feelings, emotions and thoughts will be voiced out.. disregarding the feelings of others. This is because it is my blog. I would have made it personal or private if I have the option to. But based on my preference in using Blogger.com, I have no other choices but to let it go public. And since some people do not like reading my blog, there also people who follows it. So what difference will this make to me if I lose my readers? Again, I would agree to a certain extent that
if you don't like what I write, don't read. Similarly, like what xiaxue once said, "If you don't like to read what's written, then get lost and stop causing trouble here". Comparing the level of insensitivity, xiaxue beats me hands down.
By the way, blogs that are online diaries often create the most misunderstandings and misjudgments upon the writer's credibility, intentions and character. This is because many a times, young bloggers like yours truly are sometimes bias and subjective in their expressions of opinions and feelings. Of course, there are many issues abound that are not written or expressed in their entries due to some personal reasons. This often result in misinterpretations or misunderstandings upon readers who are related to the writer in some extent. Hence, I shall now reveal the different types of readers I've came across in my life of blogging.
The Know-It-Alls
These readers tend to give lots of comments about what they know after reading the blogger's entries. It is always good to have people to share some knowledge to you especially when they think they are always the ones knowing their stuffs well despite certain loopholes. These readers are useful, although irritating.
The Cynics
These readers tend to be critical of the blogger's every move. Every single entry the blogger writes offends them in many different ways. They have to fight for their stand. They have to create a big hoo-ha around the blog getting so much attention from the blogger in an irritating manner. The flaming and complaining goes on which, apparently, is a waste of time because bloggers like me will never entertain readers like these.
The Crazy Nut Case
These readers are just plain nonsense. Although rare in quantity, they appear out of nowhere just to harass you with stupid remarks and spams. These people are as good as dead cells on my nose that I can just simply brush away like nobody's business. Powerless creeps and sore losers.
The Law Enforcer
These are not readers at all. They are people who tell you what is right and wrong, drawing the lines between what is acceptable and what is not - making a hell lot of noise most of the time. They are very good with their dos and don'ts and expect that others do the same. It's not a bad trait. After all, you have somebody who tells you the things you left out.
The Lurkers
Sometimes, I don't even know that such readers exist around my blog. Some will never tag me or even leave a trace in my sitemeter. Some will visit my blog but leave anonymous tags which got me really puzzled of who these people are. I would prefer readers to tell me who they are, otherwise, they belong to this category. And to tell you the truth, falling into this category is not something to be proud of, lurkers.
The Cyclops
These readers only have one eye. They only see things in one direction and this is what makes them narrow-minded freaks. Many a times, these readers fail to read between the lines and instantly make unreasonably negative conclusions without tapping their cerebral cortex for further processing of information. The One Eye really makes it hard for these readers to stop pin-pointing out grammatical mistakes and language structures as if the blog is theirs. But then, these readers do not last long because once you dig their eye out, they'll stop harassing you.
The Regulars
I just love you guyz. Because of you, I'm motivated to write more and share more of my stuffs. You guyz are people who are calm, natural, patient, open-minded and always look so cute. I like y'all.
Nonetheless, I am continuing my blogging hobby as long as I'm still alive. And forever, I'll be loving my regulars from the bottom of my heart. Thank you guyz for being such wonderful and patient readers.
February 23, 2007
SUPER pissed off today manz!!! Either I'm not in a good mood or people just ruin my mood for the entire day! Thanks a lot people! Thanks a lot "FRIENDS"!
Got a message from one of my colleagues today and I thought it sounded pretty much humorous.. at least, well, in a lame manner. So I forwarded it to some of my contacts in my cell phone.
Ok, the message reads:
Wife is like TV. Girlfriend is like handphone. At home watch TV, go out bring handphone. No money sell TV, got money change handphone. Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with handphone. TV free for life but handphone, if don't pay, the services will be terminated.Alright now, YOU tell me, does this sms look like a joke? Of course it does! It sounds like some of those sexist jokes out there just like how males are less intelligent than females or blondes are stupid.
And I still get replies from some people who thinks that this is my stand on relationship. THIS IS EVEN LAMER! How could I even agree to this sms if in the first place, I look at it as though it was a joke to brighten up my day?
I MEAN C'MON PEOPLE! IT'S FRIDAY TODAY!!! CAN'T YOU PEOPLE RELAX A LITTLE BIT AND STOP BEING SO OVERLY-SERIOUS AND CRITICAL?! Ironically, those are
Christians! My goodness! Aren't you guyz now being so pseudo-spiritual or paranoid? SHAME ON YOU! Let's take some things light-heartedly at times and your life will be longer and less stressed up or tensed up. RELAX YOU JACKASSES! We've too many people suffering from high blood pressure already. We don't need to see more sufferers or obituaries on that... urgh, stupid people!
And due to the fact that I sent a funny sms to some people this morning just to tickle them a bit, what I get in return are criticisms and stupid replies. Now I know, that I'm surrounded by people who are dead serious and cannot take jokes. Now I know, that people around me just don't understand me at all. Now I know, that these people are just making me sick in the pit of my stomach. Indeed, we should send words of encouragements. Indeed, we should send words of affirmation. But jokes and secular humors are not allowed??? You see, THERE YOU GO, these Christians are indeed cooping themselves up within the four walls of the church and not learning to be open up to secular stuffs. A simple task like laughing over it doesn't harm the body or soul. It doesn't mean that reading and laughing over secular jokes is sinful, c'mon...
Let's face it.
THESE ARE WEAK CHRISTIANS! IN THE BIBLE, THESE PEOPLE ARE DESCRIBED AS WEAK BELIEVERS WHO EATS ONLY VEGETABLES.So people (you know who you are), how are you gonna take Asia by storm or the marketplace by storm if you can't even take a simple secular joke and even misinterpret the intention of the sender?
Thank goodness I'm feeling better now or you guyz would have seen the miffed expression on my face cause by your stupidity.
Another thing is, I just hate things being arranged in the last minute. Not trying to mention any names.. and I hate embarrassing people. Third thing is.. I don't like some of my female friends to always misinterpret my intentions.. as if I'm tying to court them. WADD?!!, you think I'm such a low self-esteemed guy who's desperately in need of emotional attachment??? I've got a super long queue and I'm still taking my damn time to choose the right one dudes! My Friday has been ruined. Thanks to everyone.
February 20, 2007
Hi, I'm back again. Just returned home from house-2-house visiting. The "2" there is just for fun 'cos I actually went to two different places today to 拜年. I apologize for there isn't a good word to use for that. Hmm... what should it be then.. "praying to the year"? lolx Basically, it's a
local (better be safe otherwise some PRCs will go "
Hey! that's not ahw way. You doun talk shit okay. Be a man!". lolx) Chinese activity during the Lunar New Year to go visiting people you know. Well, the motive is clear for everyone who are engage in this custom activity - to get red packets.
Don't even think of telling me that you are there just to catch up on how they're doing.. although that's part of the reason why there's such reunion in the first place. But reality sets in when all of us are just there to collect the red packets, head home fast and then rip them open... just to see what we get. Alright, I shouldn't elaborate further but for the sake of the non-Chinese friends here, what you get in those red packets is money. The amount inside is determined by how generous your relatives or friends are. WHAHAHA... and my "ang bao" (red packets) economy is pathetic this year. Although it's somewhere around the 200 mark, it's just not enough to fulfill the building fund. Haiz...
I went to Felicia's place today, together with my cell group friends. The afternoon was hot. And like what an ice-prince like me would tell you that it's hot, trust me, IT WAS HOT! HOT AS HELL today... and thankfully the journey was pretty long. Kembangan.. wow. Anyway, Felicia and not forgetting her hubby, Augustine were such nice hosts to us. There's where we had our lunch prepared by Felicia. Similarly, we spent a few more hours hanging around watching TV, talking about our stuffs and sharing some of our stories.. blah blah blah.
Meet the two kind hosts, Felicia and Augustine!
They're so nice by preparing the Yu Sheng (english: I don't know.. Carrot-like dish?? lolx) so we can all lou hei (Stir the stuff)..
And the party has started. Lou ah lou ah (stir ah stir ah)..!!The rest was history.. we indeed ate to our fill. After which, the hosts took us around their condominium. The place itself was really hot and no way am I getting my future house there or somewhere in the East. NEVER! It's too hot in the Eastern side of Singapore. The North isn't that bad.. West, I don't know about the wild wild West. It seems like an unknown territory to me. Sounds like a no man's land. lolx.. But if you are wondering if I would ever want to live in the East side of Singapore to get myself fried for one good reason, I would. The reason has got to be those apartments at Marine Parade. That's where the 'elites' live. At least, the more better off ones. I'm not an elite. But if I were to excel in the things I do, I would become one - the more humble and generous one. Hehehe..
Here are some of the pictures I took at their wonderful place:
I just love those mushroom-like waterfalls. They look cute to me.And crazy Sean is at it again. This time, he just wanna pose for fun and laughter. So we picked a location - the swimming pool. Can you imagine someone swimming next to a passerby walking along the pavement of those apartments? The architecture is most unique for this one though..
Help!!! I'm drowning...Yeah right! The walls of the swimming pool is shown in this picture. It's a flop.
But what if the entire place gets flooded?
We went to the roof top. No change in climate still. It's still hot, but a little bit windy. And there, I had a glance of the entire neighborhood.
Went to Robin's place later in the evening. Nothing much actually but the stay there was relaxing. Alright.. that's about it all. I hope you guyz enjoyed your long weekend and Lunar new year celebration! It's work tomorrow for me.. argh.. I simply can't get enough of holidays. I WANT MORE HOLIDAYS!!! Ah well.. it's only 3 work days for me this week so it's a relief.
I feel like having someone special to talk to now. So bored.
February 18, 2007
Snow-covered Territory Inc. & Bardic Circle © would like to wish all readers here a prosperous and fruitful Lunar New Year ahead! 冰世界© 祝所有读者。。 恭喜发财、万事如意、步步高升、年年有余、心想事成、龙马精神，还有，事业成功！
*The following sentence was intended to be a mandarin phrase, which I've no idea how to phrase it in mandarin. Please pardon my atrocious mandarin*:
Hope you guyz have had a great harvest this brand new lunar year! Otherwise, it's okay. There'll be more blessings still to come as the year is still young!Apparently, today's the first day of the Lunar new year. And traditionally, my family and I went to visit our relatives.. as usual. This happens once every year and I only get to meet most of my relatives once in 365 days. lolx.. But it's a challenge for me to take this chance to speak to some of them and catch up with how they're doing so far. The evening was quite well spent.
I received many red packets as well, thank God. HAHA.. but the amount has always been the same so that's no surprise for me either. The amount I received can't be used to fulfill my building fund as they're too TOO
TOO little. T_T Haiz.......
Anyway, the visit was a short one. Thereafter, my family and I went to pay my eldest aunt a short visit. And there, was where I had a light dinner and some snacks. My mom's really close to my eldest aunt. They're like the closest sisters I've ever seen in my life. We stayed there for a little while before making our way back home. My stomach's always growling today and I had no idea why I couldn't satisfy my appetite. So, in order to do myself a favor, I ordered pizza. And since my family members have not had their dinner, we decided to feast on the Fortune Feast Meal from Pizza Hut.
Yum yum.. just then, I thought of Jasmine and wondered how she's doing. Coincidently, she was having pizza as well! HAHA.. suddenly the whole world's having pizza. And for these two days, all pizza stores are going to make a huge profit out of us hungry souls.
That's it, I'm done for the day!
My sister and I had nothing better to do on the bus towards my aunt's place. So we took a few photos of ourselves...
The Korean
Kimchi smile...
Bliss...
and the
act-cute one...
Took some photos of myself today. No, I did not photoshop them 'cos my photoshop is gone.. >.< It was destroyed after reformatting my previous desktop and I have been a complete scatterbrain to forget a simple task such as backing it up.
Here are the better ones (the room is pretty dim, and it would be better if I have photoshop to brighten the background a little.. argh):
Looks like I'm producing my first album pretty soon... WHAHAHA
The album's interior would be something like this... WHAHAHA
I finally did my trademark - the "Kimchi" smile. lolx
That's me sitting on my bed.. was
really tired after the whole day.
That's me... half a birthday suit.
Okay, I was really bored. HAHAHA...
Now, what do I do during this festive season? EAT EAT and EAT! That's right. Nothing beats the amount of food consumed over this period of the year. It's SIMPLY DA BEST lah! Here're what I have been snacking on currently..
YUMMY... Alright.. I'm off to eat my stuff again! WHEE~!
Jung Explorer Test
Actualized type: ISTJ
(who you are)
| ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 11.6% of total population. |
Preferred type: ESTJ
(who you prefer to be)
| ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population. |
Attraction type:
ESFJ (who you are attracted to)
I took the personality test set by Carl Gustav Jung just now and this is the ultimate personality test so far with over 140 questions. And the result: I'm an
ISTJ.
Introverted
Sensing
Thinking
Judging.
Here's a look on the full and accurate description of how ISTJs are like in terms of personality, (
Click here; and
here) which, I think it's pretty accurate about how I'm like also.
And the part on what I really like is this...
Possible Career Paths for the ISTJ:
* Business Executives, Administrators and Managers
* Accountants and Financial Officers
* Police and Detectives
* Judges
* Lawyers
*
Medical Doctors / Dentists
* Computer Programmers, Systems Analysts, and Computer Specialists
* Military Leaders
I hope I can become one in future too... HAHAHA a mental doctor. Psychologist.
February 17, 2007
What a relaxing Lunar New Year's eve today!
I can finally wake up at 10 plus to 11 in the late morning.. 'cos there's no need for me to go to work today. Duh.. it's obvious that the whole world (well, at least some parts of this island) is having a holiday right now. And I've got FOUR days of vacation from my part-time job! WOO HOO!!! A great time to chill, eat and be merry!
I just received an entire new set of bedsheets from my mom today and was told to throw my current bedsheets into the washing machine asap. And we all know that this Lunar year is the year of the Pig, or, to put it in a nicer way, the Boar. So my entire house is decorated with boarish themes, even my current bedsheets, which was specially chosen by my little sister (I thought, at first, she was mocking me lolx). Yes. I'm born in the year of the Pig, no, I mean Boar...
wild boar. Rarrr... haha. So there's no need for you guyz to go all out to say "Hi Piggy" to me eh... I had enough of that light-hearted mockery.
I mapled the entire day today 'cos I had nothing better to do than to entertain myself. Reunion dinner was superb just now! For one moment I thought I was having an Emperor's meal or somethin'.. my mom's a great cook. Hmm.. let me recall what I've eaten...
Plain rice, pork legs, sea cucumber, pork belly, oysters, big prawns, fish maw, vegetables, yu sheng, some champagne, f&n orange and not forgetting the most expensive dish on the table.. Buddha Jump Over the Wall!!!Sweet... what a splendid feast we had! I'm still looking forward for more of such feast when I meet my relatives later. It's the time of the year when generally everyone eats the most. And I just can't wait to eat again! Anyway, back to topic, here's how my room looks like after spring cleaning and arranging of my bed (the sanctuary of my dreams):
This is how my room looks like right now. I don't know what will happen later 'cos usually, to me, it's never this clean or tidy. >.<
Yup. And this, is my bed. The theme is "3 Little Pigs". And I'll be sleeping with those pigs tonight, without those mud of course. *snort*
Alright guyz, meet my sleeping partners - Penny, Patty & Pippa!I love the way my family celebrates this occasion 'cos it is during this time of the year when our house is always brightly lit. I just love the brightness of the place as it makes the house look refreshing and joyful, unlike some other normal days when it's dull, dim and lifeless. My house now looks something like this:
Wonderful isn't it? What really attracted me is not the TV now. It's the food on the table. They can never be excluded in this Lunar New Year snap shot. Want more? Here's more food coming up...
Oooh... my parents really know how to stock up food for the season! 
Anyway, the best decoration in the house, in my opinion, has to be the family of pigs on the Hi-Fi set..
The giant pig in the picture has been with me for over 12 years now. It stayed with me with loyalty since my PSLE days. How I missed those times. HAHAHA.. crazy childhood there..Well well.. that's it for CNY eve I guess. And I'll await my financial blessing tomorrow when I go visiting my relatives. WHAHAHA...
More to blog later. So to my loyal readers, do stay tune!
February 16, 2007
Hehe.. I just got back my Psychology essay's result. It's right here with me as I blog.
Okay.. I already know the result way before I return home this evening. I had a half day at work today, which I don't even know why my boss suddenly gave me a half day. I guess it's from the Lord. HAHAHA.. I must have been working hard, so He gave me a break to regenerate the losses of my brain cells and hence relaxing my arteries. That's half a Sabbath for me there! lolx But come to think of it, it's 10 bucks an hour, so I've just lost 15 bucks for the day. I could buy my crush a surprise gift... if I ever have one (I'm not admitting it lolx).
So as I was heading towards TMC, I was secretly praying in my heart that it'll be the result I expected it to be - at least 22%-25% out of the 30% of the total essay's aggregate score. And just as I was flipping through the marked assignment.....
TADAH...!!!The first things I see weren't the squigglies... they were the arabic symbols at the little corner of the page.
Alright.. a Distinction. It's not that bad after all. I hope I'll do well for my exams. It's my last hope. Hopefully I can get the grade that I want.
HOORAY!!! I can now maple all nights throughout CNY! YAYZ!!!
Okay gotta go. I'm so in a mood for holidays!
February 14, 2007
YO!! I've been busy at work and so that explains some missing entries. Anyway, work has been great for me. It's pretty relaxing and I realized there's no point being all tensed up on the first day of my part-time job as a research assistant. The people there are nice, but some are rather serious-looking. It is as if the world is gonna end for them or something.. ah well... all kinds of people.
As all of you (I presume) know the significance of today's occasion. Yea..... it's Valentine's Day. It's a sucky day. It's not because I don't get to celebrate it with my lover. It's not because there's no one else with me to share my life with, although I really hope to do so some time sooner. Rather, it is a day that is so commercialized to an extent whereby people totally forget about it's real meaning.
When I say Valentine's Day, people immediately think about lovers; having someone special; loving someone; buying and giving gifts to that someone special et cetera et cetera... love love love... to that lover or whatsoever...
Yea.. it's not wrong, however, Valentine's Day is just more than spending your time with that someone you love. Let's take a look at the origin of this insanely and ridiculously commercialized day.
According to Wikipedia, Valentine's Day falls on February 14th. It's the traditional day whereby lovers express their love for each other; sending Valentine's cards or candy. It is very common to present flowers on Valentine's Day. This day is named after two Christian martyrs named Valentine. It became associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished (2007). Understandably, the origin of Valentine's Day isn't exactly what people made it up to be in this present day.
In fact, it was during the Middle Ages when traditions such as exchanging love notes in the form of "valentines" with heart-shaped symbols and figure of the winged Cupid. These love notes soon became a form of greeting cards. But in the USA, Valentine's Day is known as a "Hallmark holiday". It is now referred to as the Singles Awareness Day (Wikipedia, 2007). I mean, how stupid can this get?
For more information on Valentine's Day, take a look at the source from Wikipedia. It shows a very clear cut picture that this Roman festival originated not out of just loving someone special. Here you go!
St.Valentine's Day Wiki-Info: -
1.
History February fertility festivals
Chaucer's love birds
Medieval and modern times
Valentine's Day in North America2.
Valentine's Day and its equivalents in other culturesI just don't like the idea that Valentine's Day is so commercialized that only on this day do I see plenty of couples roaming the streets with brightly colored flowers with the ladies. The sight is just so common, so cliché, so sycophantic and insincere. Not trying to generalize here but why must it be this day when flowers, candies, chocolates or gifts are sent? What so significant about this day that people only remember it for the exchanging of kisses, gifts and romances instead of the poor
Catholic Saint? Doesn't make sense.
I was working with my boss today and somebody asked her if her husband's celebrating this day with her. She replied with total confidence that this day just doesn't mean anything to her or her husband. To her, it's ridiculous to spend all the cash and effort to please your love mate. And furthermore, if you love your significant other,
EVERYDAY is
VALENTINE's DAY.
I OBVIOUSLY AGREE BECAUSE I MYSELF BELIEVE IN THIS IDEOLOGY TOO!!! Way to go boss!
GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!V-day is just another day for me. It doesn't means that I have to go all out to please the lucky girl who's in love with me or likes me. I'll not love her just on this day... on this stupid little day when it's only 24 hours a year. In fact, everyday's a v-day for me as long as we're together. And yes, I'd be loving her 365 days a year and 24 hours a day for ages and ages and ages... That's how much I'd love her... not just on one pathetic day like this.
Anyway, stupid day aside, I just collected my new textbooks from my school this evening and man.. I've got lots to read up next semester!!! Arghhh...!!! Take a look at my new textbooks.
Psychology textbooks are on the left hand side, followed by my Journalism textbooks and finally, the Sociology textbooks to the extreme right.That's not all, for my 2nd year Psychology class, I have another Statistic textbook with Red-inked title, which will simply add on to my 'Statistics Text Collection'.
*faints*
Gotta read up more already. And I'd most likely be holding on to the current part-time job though. Not sure about whether my working days could be negotiated but time will tell.
Yesterday's event:Yea, Robin had nothing better to do than to ask me out after my long day at work. Anyway, I decided to meet him 'cos I wanted to chill out as well. So we were hanging out in Suntec City right after dinner when we saw the musical fountain functioning once more. For me, as a local, it's just water splashing everywhere as usual.. but let me tell you, this sighting is one of the tourists' main attractions in town. I took some snap shots of the musical fountain that night and lo and behold, it's a marvelous sight. It's really romantic to just sit beside the fountain with your lover enjoying the sight and music playing in the background - minus the kissing part that is.. yea.
This is how it looks like at the side view of the gigantic fountain. Notice that the water is splashing sideways such that the front view looks something like this...
Wow...
And let's take a closer look at it..
I tried taking the top view of this beautiful sight, and this is what I get. Looks majestic.. or if you can think of any other words to fit in. Well, whatever that makes you happy, you know what I mean?
Poor Robin got his right arm fractured because of his Taekwondo training last week. It's kinda weird to watch him eat with that master hand of his as he couldn't bend that arm. Ouch, this was just so uncomfortable! And the funny thing was, people were giving him weird looks as we walked. I thought it's because of his arm. So what if it's in cast? You jackasses think he got himself into a fight before ending up in such a state? If it was, he would have been killed! lolx... Silly people!
And what's more was that some
kehpo (busybody) 'auntie' came to our dinner table and started a conversation with Robin.
(translated from chinese to english)Auntie: Eh, your hand.. what happened?
Robin: Oh.. fractured la.
Auntie: Fall down izzit?
Robin: Yah, fall down.
Auntie: Pain anot?
Me: -___-"""
Robin: Yah.. pain.
Auntie: Aiyo, be careful lah next time.
Robin: Orh.. ok.
ME: *Roll eyes*
WHEY!!! AUNTIE... YOU LIKE ROBIN SO MUCH AH? WANNA HIT ON HIM IZZIT? SAY LAH! I never knew Robin is an auntie.. no, AH SOH-killer (AH SOH 杀手). Haiz... pity him. WHAHAHA... he probably got my joke when I pulled his legs after that incident. WHAHAHA!!! Right? You can't be that dense bua... lolx
How I wish Robin could act tougher by replying to that auntie's ridiculous questions. It'll go something like this:
(Original Singese version)Auntie: 小弟，你的手受伤了啊？
Robin: Arh-bo-den？ 不受伤就不会这样吃了。
Auntie: 你是不是跌倒受伤的？
Robin: Arh-bo-den? 难道是我咬到的meh？
Auntie: 噢。。。 还痛吗？
Robin: Wah biang whey。。。 当然痛啦！！！ 你是否要试试看？
Auntie: 好啦， 不打扰你了。 我去干我的闲事吧。
Robin: 我知道我很帅，可是不要趁我吃饭时谈这些好吗？ biang whey...
Auntie-killer. HAHAHA.. eh, buddy, you have lady-luck this month manz. No, auntie-luck.. or should I say.. ah soh-luck! I want (which is impossible) also don't have leh. Way to go dude! *whistles*
Here lah.. here's your pic you want to download from me via bluetooth. Get it here lah! Let's take a some retarded picture next time when we are out together okay?
Robin: Biang whey.. please buy some ice-cream from me leh. Mi very poor leh... this one I haven't eat yet.. bo saliva eh. Meng kia.. Eh, you all better not bully 残废人士 okay?!
February 11, 2007
My family called for a household shopping today 'cos the Lunar New Year is just around the corner. This is one of the few times I get to go out with my entire family. And the shopping was short and sweet, at least for me. Long shopping takes up to the entire 12 hours, which is not in my case here.. never my case.
I bought three shirts from G2000 and a pair of Levi's jeans. I tried putting on many different shirt colors and found out that some ain't that bad looking on me as what my ex-gf once exaggerated them to be. I got to try on pink peachy looking shirts. Those are bright shirts like the one below..
Not bad eh? What do you think guyz & galz?
And I got to try on some green shirts as well.. Okay Maddy, I know you will be so overjoyed to see me wearing your favorite color when we get to meet again. HAHAHA... Na.. here you go sweetz!
What do you think? Nice??
I chose these colors myself. And I bought them.
And I've finally decided to get the Levi's jeans when I was out today. I bought myself a pair of 512. It's not that bad after all. Those staffs at the Ang Mo Kio branch are friendlier than the ones at HMV (
Homosexual
Meeting
Venue).
All in all, it's a fruitful shopping trip. 终于有收货了！！！ Yay..
Anyway, I gotta sleep early tonight. It's the first day of my part-time job tomorrow in IMH. And I gotta break my record of waking up at 6 plus to 7 in the morning. Not very used to it, but well, say no more... I'm heading off to my lalaland.
February 10, 2007
I didn't get the chance to blog yesterday as I was out the entire evening doing some window shopping at Orchard with my buddy's company, Sean.
I was shopping for jeans at Levi's and got kind of confused about the cutting that is suitable for me. I knew for sure that my current pair of jeans has to go. It's old enough to be used as house rags. Anyway, I did some snap snots on how I'd look in those two pairs of jeans. Both of them are 'relax straights' as 'regular' is a "no no" for me.
I can't really tell the difference though but there is in fact a slight difference.
This pair of Levi's jeans I'm wearing is a 512; waist: 31
Front View
Side ViewThis other pair of Levi's jeans I'm wearing is a 508; waist: 31
Front View
Side ViewThe first pair looks broader at the sides near the thigh area which makes me look a little bigger in size. As for the second pair, it is also quite a loose type o cutting except that it looks a little bit tighter than the first pair.
I'm still caught in a dilemma of which pair to choose and those little assistants at the shop are not doing their best to give me some advises on the cutting that's best suited for me, even if I did asked them. All they want is money. And well, they WON'T get my MONEY for this kind of service they provide. I don't mind walking out of the shop empty-handed and land myself in another place where I get better treatment. Treatment and services ALWAYS comes first for me.
I don't know which one to choose. Honestly, I've never been so indecisive in my life before. I hate being indecisive.. but I just WANT THE BEST for MYSELF and my IMAGE. Haiz... I'm so confused...
By the way, this year is the only year when I actually avoided trimming my hair on the Lunar New Year. 'Cos I'm going to let my hair grow much longer so that I could get it styled the way I want it to be styled. And that's the reason for me to go get a postman cap for convenience and for looking sharp and neat. It's tough keeping long hair and it requires lots of maintenance and care. But well, I have up to more than a year to keep to that length so I might as well do something which I've never done before in my life. This is so that I won't have any regrets later in my life. Hahaha...
Yeah.. and it's been five months since I last visited the hair-stylist. My hair is getting long and it's screaming for a nice looking cap. I can't afford to keep spraying my hair with hair-spray every time I go out. It'd be really bad. So this is how my hair looks right now.
It'll grow longer and longer in about 12 months from now and I will then consider it to be professionally styled to my liking. Like it or not, it's something I'm looking forward to. No one's stopping me now, 'cos I'm single and... well, I don't know whether it should be "available" or "unavailable". I think it's both.
Available 'cos I'm still young and my heart still yearns for somebody in my life. Unavailable 'cos I don't want to hurt anybody. The Special Person will always be in my heart no matter where she goes and it'll be unfair to those who happen to like me or love me. I have a long queue of nice looking girls in front of me manz... Not trying to boast here but, honestly, being in this state is nothing to be proud of. It's hurtful, it's tormenting, it's causing me to wait for that Person. For what??? Illogical! Nonsensical! Bullcrap! But, no one knows or truly understand the currently unrequited love I have towards that Person. I wish I could slip into a deep coma and live my life in my own fantasy sometimes. But this is not the way it should be.
I wish I could stop the clock in the year 2006, when she first touched my lips and held me close to her bosom. I really don't know how to spend this year already. Right now I feel like giving up. V-day is around the corner and I hate being reminded of that eventful day. And because of that, my cell group and the zone is having some kind of V-day singles outing at a restaurant up in Fort Canning (no idea what's the name of that place). And guess what, all the names of those singles are being submitted to the organizer.
ALL EXCEPT MINE???!!!And my cgl can tell me that she forgot to submit my name? Well, I took it that she's being honest about it. But then, it just got me pissed off at first. It's like everyone gets the credit except me. Alright then, so be it. I'm sick and tired of ALL this bullcrap I'm getting. And
I HATE THIS YEAR!!!!!Why must all these things happen to me this year? Why must so many uneventful things happen to me??? DON'T I DESERVE A GOOD SOMEBODY TO LOVE??? DON'T I??? I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IMAGINING THAT SPECIAL SOMEBODY BY MY SIDE ALL THE TIME. AND KNOWING THE FACT THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THAT OPPORTUNITY IS GOING TO COME BY.
FUCK THIS YEAR. UNDERSTAND!
Fuck this year! This year is SCREWED UP!!! It's a SUCKY YEAR FOR ME!!!!! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!
February 08, 2007
Woo hoo!!! Exam's OVER!!!!! Finally and officially. I'm now jumping up and down with joy 'cos there won't be much studying and drilling of my cortex over the next three weeks. I'm so happy.
Well, the paper is quite doable and all 96 questions are kind of moderately easy in my opinion, but I'm not sure if some of those tricky ones would cause me to lose some marks. Anyway, it's done. I've done my best and I'll let God do the rest to His best ability. I'm now hoping to get the grade I'm looking for all these while... 'D'! 'D'! 'D'! 'D'! 'D'!.....
Alright here's my ratings for the individual modules for this Psychology exam.
Ranging from: 1 Star = Toughest, & 5 Stars = Easiest.
(Obviously there's none that is considered the easiest in my opinion. Duh...)
Looks like it's going to be a long day today, but yet meaningful. I'm going for my part-time job interview later at IMH. Hopefully I can get the job though. Get some experience and something to do during my holidays as well. After which, I'd have to go meet my cell group members for cell group meeting tonight. I trust that the Word is going to be GOOD tonight and I pray it would empower me for the weeks ahead. It's going to be the Word of the season manz... yeah!
One scary thing happened to me last night. I misplaced my Psychology textbook somewhere outside, which I have obviously no idea where it was. Worse, my exam notes were ALL inside of it! I was having so much thoughts in my mind just then and the last thing I remembered was me leaving the food court after dinner. I don't even remember where I was going even as I was heading home, and even tough I knew I was heading home. My heart was so heavy then. But God was speaking to me so intimately about the issues I have in my mind. Yeah.. they're all so personal and I couldn't help but to just wept as I hear God's comforting words in my heart. My mind was indeed troubled about some things but God is always there for me despite of my agonies and worries. There was peace in my heart even tough I lost my textbook. I knew then, that God will make a way for me to find it back again.
And then early this morning when I was taking a shower in my bathroom, God suddenly spoke to me about the whereabouts of my textbook. It was located on the AXS machine next to where I'm living, which was where I left it lying there for no valid reason. I rushed downstairs and went to the very spot of where the machine is and voila!!! My textbook together with my exam notes were there. Safe and untouched. THANK GOD for this! He has indeed protected my belongings. not just that, ever since I received Jesus into my life, I rarely lose anything that belong or has once belonged to me. Simply because I have become more responsible, adding to the fact that when we make mistakes like misplacing our items, God will make a way to lead us back to what we've lost.
This incident has encouraged and inspired me to trust the Lord even more whenever we lose certain things that are important in our lives. God always have a way to look after what we've lost, keeping them safe and untouched. And till the day when we are ready to receive it again, He will speak to us and lead us to the things that we truly desire with all our hearts. All in all, God is in control and all He needs is our trust in Him. With that amount of trust, we will then able to see our desires, dreams and visions coming to pass.
Hallelujah!
February 07, 2007
Wow, I just got a part-time job offer from IMH and they're calling me down for interview tomorrow. Cool, I hope I can get this job for the time being. Looks like I'm gonna alter my holiday schedule now. It's work work and work. Yup.. for the money - for the breakthrough in my pocket finance. Then I can go retail therapy and fulfill my building fund altogether. I pray too, that my schedule next semester would not be so tight, even though I'm taking four units.
Argh... it seems like it's not a very good timing but God will make a way for me. He is good all the time.
Anyway, tomorrow's my exam. And that's just great 'cos I'm feeling nervous now. Argh... gonna rush through my revision for the last time now. I'll be heading out to study today though.
Alright. Here's what my plan is going to be like during my 3-weeks holidays:
1.
Work work work - 3.5 days a week. 10 bucks per hour.
2.
Read up my new texts - get a hint of what the next semester is like.
3.
Maple away - yea, there's always a time for games.
4.
Retail therapy - never say no to shopping. My squid actually taught me how.
5.
Exercise - hit the gym with my friends.. stay fit if I am free.
6.
Feed on the Word - last but not least, the Word of God must still be fed upon.
Guess that's so far what I have to do this month. Not sure about the next. But you know.. I feel like talking to my squid again... but I'm not sure if.......
February 06, 2007
2 more days to my Psychology exam. And after that day will be the day I would be on a vacation. It's time for my retail therapy!!! Well, on second thoughts, not so much of it cos the remaining time of my holiday would be spent reading up on my coming semester's subjects. I hate to do this but it's part of doing better or my coming semester. This semester has been a disappointing one for me because so many things have happened. My break up, especially, almost caused me my motivation to study, let alone live my live properly.
But since I've got my life back and running again, I'm going to set proper goals for this coming semester. I'm going to be
busy busy busy! Gotta tackle four units at once. Hahaha... can you imagine that? It's like Bruce Lee killing so many Japanese fighters at one time. It's going to be a great challenge for me, but I'll do well. no sweat! God is by my side. I shall fear not.
I'm now taking a break from my revision, so here I am blogging my heart out as usual. I realized that I tend to blog more often when I'm alone or when I've got nothing to do, even when I'm single. lolx.. but it's a good thing though. I get to improve the style of my writing each time I write. Now now.. am I starting to rationalize things again? Or putting up my false front again? Perhaps.. can't help cos it's hurting inside at the same time, because I'm missing Xiu Wen. And I've never missed someone like this for my entire life. even when my life is back to "normal" again.
Anyway, I'm thinking of the things which I want to do after my exams. Here they are:
1.
Read up more on the Word of God - It's time to feed myself with more of His word so that I don't feel lost whenever bad things happen to me.
2.
Read up on the units which I would be touching next semester- It's all about hard work now. Purely and strictly focusing on my studies. I pray there won't be much distractions going on around while I'm focusing on this area.
3.
Retail Therapy- Shopping is one way of relieving stress. And it's time for me to get more clothes and a postman cap. My hair is long now. It'll definitely look messy when I go out. It's not good for my hair if I keep gelling them up together with the hair spray. Time to let my hair down and let it grow. lolx!
4.
Maple away- I'm gonna play my Maplestory and train my character into a powerful little cutey. And I'm gonna make it into a powerful cleric as soon possible. Hehehe...
5.
Visit the Gym again- Gotta keep fit again after slacking for quite some time due to my current revision. Yea.. and I'm gonna put on some weight before I wfit into my new clothes for the coming Lunar New Year.
6.
Catch up with my friends- I've been neglecting my friends and bros ever since I started studying for my exam. But this coming holiday, I'm gonna catch up with them and spend some time fellowshipping with them.
Guess that's about it. It's just three weeks, but I think there are lots to be done. After which, my semester will commence and I can also finally get in touch with my GA once again. Time don't fly, it'll just teleport. So, in due time, I'll get to see my blessing from God as soon as I keep my focus on Hm and the things I should be doing.
i still miss Xiu Wen though.
I can't believe I'm waking up to a job offer at IMH. It's a data entry job that offers 10 bucks per hour and to be able to commit 3.5 days a week for weekdays! Well, I don't know if it's the right time or the wrong time. I'd be getting three weeks of free time after my exam this Thursday, and after which, the next semester will commence. I've got four units to tackle and probably four lectures on each day to attend. I'm not sure whether I'd be free after the next semester reopens. I'm again caught in a dilemma. How? How? God? Did you do this on purpose? lolx
Yea, anyway, it's one thing for me to understand that focusing on God is something which I have to do right now no matter how hard it is. My dear Guardian Angel (GA) just reminded me some stuffs so I could bear them in mind each time I think of squid:
never let your Desire to take over God's desires and plans He has for you...
there will be tests to come when God will question who is more important...
Me or her?
cause God is a very jealous God...and of course He has to truly know who is that
who reigns in you... let your Desire to be part of your destiny but not whole of it...
cause like i had said, marriage is after all bout companionship and serving God.Lord, You are first in my life even though she means so much to me. And I believe that in time to come, as I serve You with all my heart and life, I would see the blessing coming to pass. I'm placing my faith on the line, but I know that You will not disappoint me. To love is to take a huge risk. Lord, it seems like I'm taking risk all the time, but I'll never stop taking risk, neither will I ever quit. You have made me a champion. And I realized that I shall not walk alone. Because I have You by my side.
Dear Jesus,
No matter where Xiu Wen is right now, I pray that she has not forgotten about You. I pray that she would still be praying to You and spending quality time with You. I believe You do not want her to live her life all by her own strength. But I trust that You will guide her the right path and that she will trust You by feeding on Your word each day. Lord, You made her for a great purpose. I pray You'd continue to work Your way into her life. I pray she'll not just live her life for herself and her own commitments. But I pray that she'll lift her burdens and place all that she has into Your mighty hands such that You will cause a tremendous breakthrough to happen in her life. Lord, let peace be in her heart and continue to love her the same way You love me. Never give up on her, oh God, for You have called her for a purpose.
This I pray in Jesus' name,
Amen.GA, don't forget to remind me to keep praying for the girl I love okay? Thanks.
PS. Let me know in your blog instead of tagging. Argh... hate this constraint.
February 05, 2007
A really nice song by R Kelly and Celine Dion. This is "I'm Your Angel". Just heard God's voice speaking to me through these words in the lyric. It struck my mind as I was busying studying. And it's none other than His common grace upon my life. I'm glad I've found a friend, a brother and an angel in Him.
This song also goes out to all my friends and those who have been my angels all these while. My life has never been brighter without you guyz. Thank you peepz! I love you all.
I'm Your Angel
(by R Kelly feat. Celine Dion)
No mountain's too high for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No river's too wide for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray
And then you will see the morning will come
And every day will be bright as the sun
All of your fears cast them on me
I just want you to see
I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel
I saw your teardrops and I heard you cry
All you need is time
Seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It don't have to be this way
Let me show you a better day
And then you will see the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears just cast them on me
How can I make you see?
I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep us safe and warm
And I know we will survive
And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
(The end is drawing near)
Don't you dare give up the fight
(Oh no)
Just put your trust beyond the skies
I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
3 more days to my Psychology exam.
Urgh... preparations have been going quite smoothly as planned. But some little distractions here and there. No matter, it's okay. I'm doing fine now, focusing on what I should be doing at this point in time.
Maddy's cell group leader spoke to her yesterday morning and told her to give the both of us 3 weeks of break from each other ever since the night I told Maddy the truth. It may seem quite unnatural for her to feel so happy and free when we finally broke up after 10 days of being together. I guess the both of us did not really sort out our feelings. But what the heck? There wasn't any bit of feeling in the first place. All along, she has been treating me more like a big brother than a proper boyfriend. I came to know this truth last Saturday night. And for me? Though I've come to term with my sadness about my previous break up, I still love my squidy. So, there's a bad power circle here between Maddy and I. And hence, the break. However, the truth we confessed last Saturday had indeed set the both of us free. And we are now even closer as friends! Really like to have made a friend who cares so much about my life. It really inspires me to be a good friend to others as well. And I'm still working on it.
Well, as the leaders are wise, they would advise us to do the right thing. So Maddy's leader made her promise not to meet me for 3 weeks. Which is bad, 'cos we planned to go out as friends for some retail therapy after my exams. I seriously need clothes and a postman cap! My hair's getting longer. Soon I might just get it done Korean style. lolx.. Anyway, I can still meet up with my other brothers in the cell.
It's good to be in the cell group filled with nice people who genuinely care for you and be there for you whenever you need them. Those are your real friends. That's what makes the church a unique and wonderful place to be in. It's not just an education center; neither it is a motivational auditorium, nor is it a place to seek refuge. Rather, it is a place where people go not just for the presence of God, but for the relationships that we are building over there. So, I realized how important it is to be really close to your leaders and the people in your cell group. Everyone must play their part to make the cell group a better place to be in and to dwell in. It's a really challenging team effort I must say. I repeat, the people in the cell group are YOUR real friends.
I felt so much better after the confession to God and to everyone around me. I realized that wearing a mask and trying to act tough isn't the right way because I'd only be deceiving myself and hurting others that is around me. Well, one may feel astonished as how quickly I changed overnight but all I can say is that it is the power and the work of the Holy Spirit. We all learn through many different means. And because I'm not a perfect person, God is always giving me second chances. That is God's grace. And I'm glad God has been a tremendous lover in my life. And I really thank Him for all that he has done in me.
I just received a word that:
All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
I have a purpose to fulfill in this lifetime. And I'm trusting God for it to prepare me for the great things that I yet to do for Him. I thank God for a wonderful friend like Maddy who encourages me to focus on the Lord as much as I can. I would do my best to love God just like the way I love Xiu Wen. And I believe that when the time comes, He would bless me with what I truly desire in my heart right now. I know that my time here is short. But there is still heaven. That is the eternity that I would see my blessings, rewards and desires which may or may not come to pass in this earth and in this life time. I know and believe that God will give me what I truly truly desire if I seek His Kingdom first.
.. seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:6)
... love one another as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.
You are my friends if you do whatever I command you.
No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you shall go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. (John 15:12-16)
I have finally found a friend in Jesus. Read these verses today and tears just flow from my eyes like I've never cried in a long time. So what now? Like what my guardian angel told me: Turn my tombstone into a stepping stone. I've made many mistakes but God is always willing to forgive and give me a second chance. I don't want to make up for all that I've not done or done that are not right in His eyes. But I believe, His grace shall be upon me as I trot on becoming a better person He wants me to be. Still, my Desire have not changed. But I believe that if focusing on God right now is what it takes for me receive my one and ONLY desire, I would do it.
And it shall come to pass!
February 03, 2007
What a night! It's like a night of confession for me. This is the night which I come clean before everyone including Maddy. I felt so foolish and guilty for telling everyone the truth.. but then, come to think of it. I guess it's something right to do. I realized I've been putting up a false front in front of everybody, even to those close to me. And I'm very very afraid of bearing my soul to them thinking they may judge me negatively like how some people in the past did to me.
Yes. Maddy and I are still friends, in fact, best of friends because she is someone special in my life who is a dear friend to me. That's all I can say because she is the only one whom I feel comfortable bearing myself to. About us being in an intimate relationship, it's just not right and I feel that God's purpose for her is to help me get on with my life - both physical and spiritual. She's like my guardian angel who never fails to be the light in my life as right now, it's filled with dimness. I hope we both can grow stronger in the Lord despite of what happened to each of us.
And yes. I have been repressing my true feelings, thinking that I can move on and get on with life after a sad break up with Xiu Wen. I tried pretending that nothing has ever happened and nothing can ever take me down. Put up a false front and trying to act tough. All these came crushing down when I confessed my feelings to Maddy this evening after service. She too felt the same way too and we both had an agreement to just be good friends with each other. This is a happy ending but the remaining journey lies with my vision to become somebody that God can use.
Also, I did deny the fact that I love Xiu Wen very very much. Even now when I know we're not together anymore. I tried searching for other squids, but I realized that there's only one squid in this world. And I still love her. She's the only one in my life that I would want to be with. she's someone I see myself spending the rest of my life with. And if there's anything that I would do for her to come back to me again, I'd go to the ends of the earth, just for it. No matter how long it'll take - 40 years, 60 years... I'll continue to wait and pray for that day happen.
After praying to God, I came to a conclusion that Xiu Wen is the girl whom I really want to spend my life with and that I pray she'll change her mind.
Lord,
I hand Xiu Wen into your hands. It's me putting her down at Your feet so that You can work Your way into her life and make her a woman of God, even if right now she may just be a 'baby' Christian. I trust that You'll bless her abundantly and keep her protected from the company that she'll be mixing around with. Give her wisdom in her studies and the strength to live every single day with a purpose. Let peace and calmness be in her heart right now even if she's going through tough times, but I believe that Lord You are greater than her problems. Lord, see her through her studies especially, because that's what is essential to her now but do use her to be someone who can make a difference in the lives of many. Bless her parents and little sis. Keep them safe, healthy and blissful. May her household be blessed in all areas of their lives - financially and physically. I pray too Lord, that you'll also use her mightily in future such that her entire family will be saved. Lord, I place her into your hands of love, care and nurture, and I trust that You will help her maximize her potential as I see a lot of it the first time I met her. Lord, if this is possible, please let her know that I still love her and she's the only girl whom I would like to have in my life. She's what I desire. But right now, even if we're not together. I pray that Lord, You'll prepare her for greater things to come in her life and I pray that we'll get together again when the both of us are spiritually ready.
Lord, I miss her a lot. I miss Xiu Wen, not because I can't get over her, but because deep down inside me, I do and still love her. Just like the way You loved me. Like I said, I tried looking for her, but found others instead. And even when I'm in a relationship with someone else, I feel like it's not right. Because the woman I love is not them. It's Xiu Wen.
I don't know if she's reading my blog. But I trust You Lord. You will be in control of everything. You know me through and through - my desires, my wishes and the things I want to pursue. Help me Lord to be true to myself and to others. Give me wisdom to say the right things at the right time. I pray that You'll set me focused on doing what I must do right now and continue to give me strength each and everyday. Never give up on me Lord, as I've never given up my life or on her.
Finally, when she's ready, I would then be able to pick her up from Your feet and meet her again and be close again. Lord, You have been so good to me. I would start to get myself spiritually charged up, not only for the sake of being together with Xiu Wen, but for my personal development with You Lord. Lord, she's the greatest blessing you can ever give to me above all blessings because that is truly what I desire. But Lord, You said that I should seek Your Kingdom first, so that all these blessings will be added unto me. I trust that You'll never break Your promises. I now stand upon this promise and believe that You'll never let me down... because ultimately, You know that I still love her. Whatever it is, no matter how long, I pray that You'll give me strength for my breakthroughs.
This I pray Jesus' name,
Amen.
February 01, 2007
I had been studying the whole day today and I was really shock when I heard that Maddy's mom wanted to see me in person. It's like happening all too soon for me. And I'm not even ready. We've just started out and got to know each other and now this??
It's getting way out of hand.. and I really wonder why can't she wait till the time when every thing's settled down before revealing to her mom that we are seeing each other. It's not about denying or lying to your own parents but it's about waiting for the right time to reveal the truth. Anyway, if that's what she think is good for the both of us, then so be it. Right now, I'm just going to be a guy that has a big banner written all over me saying:
HERE, THIS IS ME. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT, I'LL NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN. EVER!!! PURSUING MY DEGREE, HONOR, MASTER & HOPEFULLY, DOCTORATE WHEN THIS LOVE LIFE OF MINE IS OVER.I'm freakin' tired. Breakthroughs are yet to come for me, but currently, I'm in a lousy condition to stand up again. I don't know why I'm feeling this way all over again. I've been having mood swings the whole day today and the last message I received from Maddy was to rest well. Resting isn't the problem for me. It's about my stupid mood swings which often get to me since that very traumatic night.
Sure, I've moved on. Sure, I've recovered from the hurts.. at least 90%. Sure, my ex-gf really pissed me off. Sure, I still have a long queue of girls to date. But no one understands the very thing I need now. Well. Since this is my blog, I shall be really blunt and straightforward (this is my style anyway). Here are the things I currently need:
- Hugs
- Kisses
- Encouragement
- And just being here for me
Not much. But these are so precious to me right now and yet no m-f**ker even gives a damn about it. I can lock myself up in my room all day praying and talking to God and build a spiritual relationship with Him, but ultimately, if I don't have a physical bond with people in this physical world, I am equally nothing. If I, too, don't have what I really need now, I am also, equally nothing.
Nothing beats the touch of a lover. Nothing beats the whisper of a lover's encouragement. Nothing beats the way I would give - my time, energy, spirit and love to that special someone. It has become a form of attachment to me now and it's hard to depart from it. Ok. I gotta stop before I sound really needy, which is NOT my usual self.
Really hate this year to the core, damn. The start of this year is like a f**king piece of shit! How am I going to face the rest of this damn year and all its festivities? V-Day, CNY, Easter, NDP, my birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve? All these seem very insignificant to me already. My mind has been so troubled that I wish I could just kill myself now. Argh... and I don't know what I'm talking either..
Yeah.. so this is ME. And sometimes I really do hate revealing myself to others, even to the ones closest to me. If they see my darkest self, they'll judge me. And when that happens, no one would even give a damn about me or talk to me even though how close they may be to me. It's not just what I think, but a plain fact.
Yea, you may say that God has esteemed me higher than I could ever imagined. True to an extent. He loves me so much and would never jeer at the worst fault I have in me. That's just God. And where is He? He's in the spiritual realm. Yes. But physically? It's going to be people around me that will make a difference in my life. But I feel that no one truly understands me or my needs. But I do thank God for some special people in my life whom I don't want to lose. EVER. Maddy and my parents. God, You have placed three angels in my life. I've lost all except these three, and they are here to stay. I don't wish to lose anyone of them already. Losing one would break my heart because they mean so much to me.
To my future spouse,
I've been feeling really lousy these days because my heart's been shattered not too long ago. Somehow, I wish you were here with me to share my pains but I know that you won't want to see me this way. I always knew that you want to see the happy me when we ever get to meet each other for the first time.
I don't know who are you but I trust that you are someone really beautiful and hot as hell. I hope we can meet really soon because God's been testing my patience. And now I'm in no mood for my patience to be tested as I can blow up anytime. I've got short temper baby. And many other faults too. But I trust that you will accept me the way I am when we are together.
Oh, one more thing. I trust you know that I won't like anyone to take my love for granted.. just like what my ex-gf did to me. Just left me like that in an instant! I believe that if you were to know about it, you would have given her a tight slap across her face. I know that you are the type that hate to see me hurt and broken. Anyway, since you love me so much, just wanna let you know that I love you too. Whoever you are, wherever you are, take care. We'll meet again.
Love,
Thomas Frederick Lim
It's now the start of a new month in the year 2007!
Wow... time really flies and I wonder how the next 11 months of this year is going to be. God, I pray it'll be a fruitful year for me because I want to shine for You in my studies and social life.
I just got a shocking record from my friendster ever since I engaged myself to the Stompers and started out this year after the "traumatic event". It seems like ever since I became single and placed my own photos with my poses online, the number of views I got soared to 136!!! Previously, when I was with my ex-gf, the numbers are pathetically low. Not even 80 or 70. The numbers are significantly doubled after I became single. Why is that so? Does my value increases when I'm single and available and people would just check me out? HAHAHA...
Alright, the truth is, I'm currently in a relationship. Don't ask me who. 'Cos if you're not following my blog, you'd be super left out and my life's a drama - every episode has its significance. lolx
I just woke up from a nostalgic-cum-traumatic event happening none other than in my very dream itself. I just don't understand why my ex-gf kept haunting me in my dreams. It's seems like she has been a significant figure in my dreams these days and I had no peace dreaming about her and being unconscious about it at the same time. We were going out together just like in the past and we're heading for the VCD shop in hougang to rent some VCDs for our own entertainment. All these happened in May and June last year and I can't believe that this event still rocks in my dreams. I've got mixed feelings everytime I wake up. I felt nostalgic and my heart broke after it woke up to its reality. It's super torturing to go through what I'm going through now. Although in reality, I've gotten over her and moved on with my life, doing what I'm supposed to do or always wanted to do, my dreams are always traumatized and threatened with her presence.
I feel so confused, stupid and sad everytime I wake up in the morning. I don't know what am I going to do about my dreams because I'm not a professional psychoanalyst or a dream interpreter like Freud or Jung. But all I can do now is just pray for a good night sleep. I've been staying up late to do my revision and I really hope my exams will be over very soon. That's the day when I'll get my allowance once again. HAHAHA.. time for some retail therapy and Mapling! Can't wait though...
