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The impression forces itself upon one that men measure by false standards,
that everyone seeks power, success, riches for himself, and admires others
who attain them, while undervaluing the truly precious thing in life.
~ Sigmund Freud
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Initial: Frederick
Profession: Psychology Undergraduate
Birthday: days left
Height: 1.76m
Weight: 63kg
Blood Type: A+
Waist size: 29-30 inches
Hobbies: Blogging; Reading; Songs & Movies; Chill out
Most Disliked Food: Anything crustacean - due to allergy
Favourite Songs to Sing to: For You (self-composed) & The Promise
Favourite Body Parts: Nose; Jaws
Schools: Pei Chun Public School (1989 - 1995); Chong Boon Secondary School (1996 - 1999); Nanyang Polytechnic (2000 - 2003); Monash University (2006 - )
Alright, here comes the slave - the slave of this blog. Well, not exactly, since I'm almost always happy when blogging my thoughts because I treat it as some form of therapy that would ease my load and cool my steam.
I don't want to be a slave of this blog, neither do I see myself as a boring blogger. I'm sorry for not updating much these days as my exam is around the corner, and just before that, I have to submit three more assignments. I'm going to be really busy in the month of October.. so do bear with me for this period of shits and slogs.
There has been a little mishap lately and both my girlfriend and I were kind of affected by it. However, the situation is improving and I do hope that things could get better as day goes by.
Alright, before I touch on some controversial issues I've thought about lately, I would like to clarify that these are only my thoughts. So please, if any of you religious people wanna sue me, you gotta first think like a rational being.
I do not like the idea that Christians always think that they are right and others, such as the non-believers or doubters, are Satan's incarnates. I refuse to use the term "many" or "most" or "some", since there's no reason for me to quantify the rough statistics of people who literally follow what is written in the Bible that teaches the same thing.
One thing that confuses me is that when Christians pray for God to do a miracle in their lives, and yet depending on medicines, hospitals, doctors, nurses, Science and Health Science, to do the miracle healing for them. Now my question is not whether is there a miracle, but rather the million dollar question is: Is God willing and able to perform that miracle healing.. if He claimed so?
You see, when I was diagnosed with cancer three years ago, I prayed endlessly. I spent my time praying and going for my chemotherapy sessions as well. I prayed for a miracle; an opportunity to be healed forever; and a chance to further my studies there after. Well, I remembered mentioning in my 'yellow-paged' archives that God healed me, made me well, and sent me back to school. But during the process, I was protesting that what I received wasn't good enough. I prayed for immediate recovery after six chemotherapy sessions, instead, I had to go through eight sessions. I prayed for the size of my tumour to be reduced to the size of a bacteria, but instead, it got smaller till about 3cm. Do you call this a miracle; or a flawed miracle; or an imperfect will of God; or is this the work of Medicine and Health Science?
Such torturing process wasn't mentioned in my earlier entries unfortunately, because I was so deluded that everything is the cause of what God is doing. Well, if bad things happen to good people, it must be God trying to make them psychologically stronger and tougher. But what if death or tragedy strikes on anybody right here, right now? Is this the work of God trying to make us stronger by taking away the lives of the people we truly love? Is this the work of God trying to "test our faith" by creating upheavals, chaos, tragedies, nightmares, and other unforeseen and yet grossly detestable circumstances in our lives just to teach us how to live properly? ... as if life itself is not worth living enough as shit happens because of God. Must we, as rational beings, be controlled by a 'spirit' that makes our lives miserable first before we could understand the meaning of it? Or, is this part of our daily imagination and symbolism, that we need a form of 'spiritual guidance' for our own therapeutic purposes?
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but unable? Then he is impotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both willing and able? Whence then is evil?" - Epicurus
...but, if he is both unwilling and unable, then why call him God?
I used to pray to some 'goddess of mercy' before my conversion to Christianity eight years ago. I remembered praying for my fever to get well as I was sick to a point when I couldn't be in school for two days or so. My mom still prays to the 'goddess of mercy' placed on the properly-maintained alter in the living room. One day, I asked her what she was praying for, she told me that all she was praying for is that all of us (my dad, my sister, herself, and I) would be safe, protected, and doing well in life. Indeed, this is what many people would ask their god for as this is the main ingredient within a prayer of a desperate soul. I now come to realise that we humans need, affection, love, guidance, assurance, acceptance, and protection. Why so? Because we are living in a world of differences and relativity. Although I do not, as a matter of fact, deny that there are some degrees of absoluteness, there are in fact more shades than just mere black and white. If I (and my family) can be safe and sound at home right now, does it mean that the 'goddess of mercy' my mom so fervently prays to is taking effect on my family's life? For Christians, they think that their God is the way, the truth and the Life. Therefore, their God is the right God, and the 'goddess of mercy' is an 'idol', and 'idols' are made by sinful man, and therefore, praying to the goddess is irrelevant, sinful, detestable and an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. So, my whole family is sinful, and the 'goddess of mercy' is a fluke. For Muslims, they think that Allah is the right God, and the only one and true God in this universe. Nothing except Him alone that rules the heavens and the earth. Wow, how 'majestic' that sounds. For other religious people, they think that their gods are true. These include "Zeus", "Hercules", "Apollo", "Thor", "Poseidon", "Set", "Isis", "Confucius", "Baal", "Odin" etc etc... Now here is the billion dollar question: WHICH GOD IS REAL?
Since, I am safe and sound, I take this fact that a miracle has happened to me. It is indeed a miracle to be safe in this situation. If a miracle can happen to my entire family when my mom prays to a goddess made of clay and painted by professional "clay-pot painters", isn't it the same if we pray to other... supposedly, symbolised or named "gods"? Hindus can pray to other gods and say that their gods have blessed them pretty much. And so will the Sikhs, the Muslims, the Jews, the Catholics, the Taoists, even the Aborigines, and others. Buddhists? I don't know. They seem to be nihilistic about life, so I have nothing to comment about, since meaning is conceptually disconnected and all one has to do is to live a contented life, free from worries without a properly planned strategy by professional psychiatrists. Do you now see the big picture? Every religious person loves to be right, but dislikes being accused of making a wrong stand while working to be right. There is certainly nothing to prove about God's existence, since Science cannot prove it either. And if Science is flawed, what makes one think that religion can do miracles?
There are many gods to pray to just as there are many milk bottles to pray to in times of trouble. But is it just enough to think that God is the only cause and source to solving these problems, without a single effort to rationalise things through? One might wonder why a Christian would pray for healing and yet depend on medicines to cure his or her disease, since Jesus claimed that He has died for our sins and by his stripes, healed our diseases. Perhaps, that only serves as a form of symbol for his benevolent deeds. If God is so powerful and if He created the formula and ideas behind medicine, mathematics, and science, then why is it that up till today, there is still a doubtful cure for AIDS? Why is it that up till today, there are still unsolved puzzles in our equations? Why is it that up till today, Scientists are still constantly overturning old theories and replacing them with newer and more efficient ones? Is this the work of an UNCHANGING God, yesterday, today, and forever? Or is this the work of EVOLUTION, the fact that man evolves through the ages in terms of intelligence, via the adaptation to the environment, society, and other contexts?
I leave these questions to those who are curious enough to look into this matter...
September 25, 2007
After close to two weeks of hard work on two of my assignments, I am thoroughly worn out. I have not slept well those days and right now just taking things easier as a form of reward I could ever give to myself.
And something happened within my darling's family, which made me concern about the way she's taking it. Well, I certainly do hope that things would become better each day for her and for me as well.
Oh well... I'll be blogging again pretty soon, and later next month is my exam already. My entries will be less frequent but I'll definitely blog when there are controversial issues or things that bug me.
Alright.. I'm signing off.
September 16, 2007
This day marks an encouraging episode in my love life.
After half a year that Jasmine and I are together, we are still very much in love with each other. It is pretty much encouraging to me, even though six months is a short time for many.
Jasmine came to my apartment this afternoon straight after the service and we kept each other company till evening. It is a simple day for the both of us but I cherished every single moment with her.
Yes, I may have a lot to do and can be very busy in the next few days, or perhaps, this coming week. Yes, I may have other commitments and ambitions to go after. Yes, I have tons to think about and plan ahead. But I would never neglect my time I spend with my darling. To me, being able to keep her company, be there for her, and hold her close to me whenever she needs me, is something I could never buy, never trade, and never replace. She means a lot to me, just like how my ambition means to me as well. But, to me, if I could hold her for a single moment in time, even if we are both very busy, that is good enough. For in the warmth of the lady I love most, I find the world; the joy; the comfort; the peace; and the love. All these, have set me free. I am so very blessed, and being blessed is the process of being encouraged to do better, to love more, and to cherish always.
Darling, I love you.
Though these words are easily spoken, they represent my all to you. Happy half year and more years to come, baby.
September 14, 2007
The Danger of Islam
This testimony speaks pretty loudly. Religion of Peace??? HELLO?????
Excuse me, I'm not religious, but I think that a normal intelligent and sane human being should have some common sense of morality to at least do good, rather than being kept in a stupor of being utterly religious or blindly following a scripture that commands mass murder or genocide.
This is an unacceptable social attitude especially in the modern era of reason and rationality. It is religion like this that takes away human rights, freedom, and sense of virtues. It is religion like this that defends itself with violence and arms. It is religion like this that constantly indoctrinate people with hatred and oppression. Yes, they are crying out for being oppressed, but they should ask themselves if they are the ones responsible for oppressing others. Or rather, creating troubles in the United States and all around the world. I know they are frustrated for some unsung reasons, which causes them to act violently. But let's think rationally, will violence create peace? No! They are both in contrast with each other. Their doctrines are outdated and irrelevant, written by bronze age nomads that think only of war and conquests. It is now a world where peace talk is the way to prevent wars and history from repeating itself. And Jihad??? It is undermining the purpose of the United Nations.
This is an age of reason - the twenty-first century - and it is religion that constantly encourages non-thinking that causes the clash, not just between religion and Science, but blind faith and critical thought.
RELIGION OF PEACE? It's pure fallacy, and I agree to this.
Here's what the Quran says about Jihad: -
The Muslims are commanded to wage an everlasting war against the unbelievers and are assured victory in the struggle.
Surely, the Marxist social philosophy is an extension of the Koranic doctrine - the oppressed (proletariats) will overcome the oppressor (bourgeoisie).
Excuse me, but.. since when did the oppressor ever become the oppressed? Since they thought to themselves that the world is against them. That is when tragedy happens to their own soul and conscience. If you think that the whole world is against you, and worse, you sought to punish them because of such perceived injustice, then you are now becoming the oppressor. Now that doesn't make a difference between you and the enemy whom you claim to be oppressing you. In fact, a rational person views this as a fight not between good and evil. Richard Dawkins and I would say that this is a fight only between two evils. Religion is so deadly.
Here are some verses to explain the causes of such atrocities: -
1. On unbelievers is the curse of Allah. (The Cow: 161)
- Tell me, who the hell would worship a god that curses people who do not believe in him? Surely this god is not a just god at all. People would love to worship a god that loves them, not just believers but unbelievers as well. This is the god, which I would look up to, rather than a god that is so prejudiced. This "god" must be the most unpleasant god in the whole universe.
2. Allah is an enemy to unbelievers. (The Cow: 15)
- Yes, ever since you make unbelievers a condemned species, that those who are not of your beliefs are dead in your hands. Sorry, but I don't respect such people who would kill for the sake of their god. This is sick, sick, sick.
3. The worst of beasts in Allah's sight are the ungrateful, who will not believe. (Spoils of War: 55)
- Again, this is against unbelievers of islam, which is so repeatedly written all over their faith. Can you imagine how cruel this faith is?
4. Oh ye who believe! the non-Muslims are unclean. (Repentance:17)
- Yes, I am unclean. I eat pork. I love dogs. I lead a happy and peaceful life. I have a rational and intelligent mind that is able to distinguish what is morally ethical and unethical. I have a sound conscience that prevents me from breaking civil law or committing sick crimes that people would hate me for them. I believe this is what the perceived "clean" people do not possess. And I'm really sorry about that, but still, it is not too late to change your mindset and start questioning your faith.
5. Oh ye who believe! Murder those of the disbelievers and let them find harshness in you. (Repentance: 123)
6. Oh believers, do not treat your fathers and mothers as your friends, if they prefer unbelief to belief, whosoever of you takes them for friends, they are evil-doers. (Repentance: 20) 7. Humiliate the non-Muslims to such an extent that they surrender and pay tribute. ( Repentance: 29 )
- Murder your own parents for not believing in an invisible god. Stone them, kill them, or mass murder anyone who doesn't believe in your god. Yea... destroy those "infidels" and conquer the world... yada yada yada... tell me, will people be even more oppressed once the whole world is under the rule of this cruel religion? I think so. A thousand times more oppressed.
There are more truths about islam in the above link mentioned.
Now, many times muslims would defend their faith when challenged. The way they defend it is extraordinary. It is as if the world has collapsed on them, or is against them. That is why I think that religious people are deluded. These ultra sensitive and religious people are looking at the world as if the unbelievers are "lost", "condemned", and "unclean". Well, the truth is, that the entire rational population in the world are now looking into a sphere where these religious people dwell in. Let's face it, the one who is being influenced by a drug and is hallucinating would constantly deny possessing drugs and being affected by it. It is like opium, heroin, benzodiazephine, or subutex. These addicts do not know their limits because they have developed a really sick habit of indulging themselves in drugs that are illegal and potentially contagious. It is the same case for religion.
What a pity. Woe to those who are religious! You people need serious help.
Watch this video and start to ask yourself if what I have just said makes sense. If it doesn't, then you are deluded. If it does, good for you. At least, the world has become slightly sane.
September 12, 2007
I have so much to write about, and yet so disorganized in my thoughts right now. I want to write some entries filled with critical thoughts, but yet my current mood doesn't seem to be suitable for that at this moment. All I know for sure, is that right now, I'm experiencing some mood swings (P.S. guys do have mood swings too). These days I have been crazily busy, not only with my school assignments, or presentation, but catching up with my friends as well. Of course, I do spend time with my girlfriend.
Right now, I just ain't got the mood for debates, reasoning, or critical thoughts. My mind is sort of... dead right now, as I am beginning to ponder about my time I spend with my love ones. I asked myself if I ever loved anyone before in my life. Of course, I had, and I have. But when I asked myself who is the one I love right now, I can't think of anyone else except my current girlfriend. To me, she is the greatest lady I have ever met in my life. Although, like anybody else, she is not perfect, I still do love her. Not because of anything she has done for me; not because she has the cutest pair of eyes and the most gorgeous looking face on earth...
... but because of who she is. And the way she loves me is something that I couldn't ever ask for more. That, to me, is enough.
Sometimes, I feel that some people do not really understand me. It's not because I have never opened myself up to them. Perhaps, I have been unknowingly portraying my authoritative or proud front that many tend to be mis-led by them. Or maybe, I do not smile often. Sometimes, I wish I could just find somebody to talk to - someone who listens to my thoughts, my reasoning, my opinions, and my ambitions. I am willing to be a listener to my friends, but who would bother to listen to me when I'm in need? I am willing to be there for my friends, but do they know my heart? And would they be there for me when I fall as well? My heart bleeds till this day, because no one understands the condition of my heart. All they see about me... is someone aggressive, ruthless, defensive, and at times, stubborn.
Will they ever see... that I am a loyal friend? ...that I will always be there for those that need me to be there? ...that I am someone that would do his best in solving problems? ...that I am someone who would entertain his friends with accents and drama-mama jokes to cheer them up for the day? ...that I am someone who would listen and empathize when they are in need of someone for company? ...that I have so many other positive aspects in my character, other than my main weaknesses (i.e. anger issues, stubbornness etc).
For I only know, I am just a potato. Scars and crannies on the outside, but white and smooth in the inside. Even if one were to peel me, I would never know what they really feel about me. But I sincerely hope.. that they could be able to see the good in me.
I really don't know what my friends think about me, neither do I really know what my girlfriend feels about me. But I do know myself... I am not that bad after all.
Here is what I think about myself after some self-reflection:
+ I am a loyal friend and a devoted boyfriend.
+ I am good to those who are good towards me.
+ I share what I have to others and enjoy doing so.
+ I love to show others about things, which I happen to know that they do not know.
+ I am a great thinker, but that doesn't make me a bad listener also.
+ I may look worked up, unapproachable, or perhaps, tired, but that doesn't stop me from being there for my friends and girlfriend. I shouldn't be wrongly judged just because I seldom smile. That is my face. It is how I look, and it's what I'm born with. Live with it.
+ I am warm to others once there is a talkable topic to discuss about.
+ I do not beat about the bush.
- I can be dense or insensitive at times, thus I need some straightforward but kind answer to my cluelessness.
- I lose my temper easily when I feel threatened.
- I can be impatient.
- I am not so quick to forgive and forget, especially when the hurt I receive is a little too much to bear. It may take me almost eternity to even forgive that person completely.
- I'm not kind to my enemies and I show no mercy.
- I may appear to be controlling... well, that's because I have the urge of wanting to get some limelight for myself. Perhaps I'm insecure in this area, as I sometimes feel that I'm just not good enough for anybody. Till now, I am always striving to be the best, to have the best, and to live the best. Each time, it is never good enough I thought. I am a perfectionist as I believe that if I could be the best that I can be, I would have the favor of man.
- I am ambitious as a result, but sometimes, becoming slightly megalomaniac. And I'm afraid that people would be freaked out by the power hunger going on within me...
I'm not perfect. I am both an angel and a devil. I can be both good and bad, depending on the circumstances. There are times to act differently to different situations. But still, I do not want to be perceived only in the negative light.
Sometimes, I feel like the world is against me. So whenever I feel moody or in the process of an unreasonable mood swing such as this, I became withdrawn and depressed. I don't know why, but as a pure thinker, I have my emotional times as well.
I couldn't get enough of this world, but yet, I have to thank God, that I am still loved. Not just by Him, but by my dear too...
I am really happy to have found her. I would be happier if I know that the people around me appreciate me for the way I am as well.
All I ask for, is a sincere friend.
You have given me a really good girlfriend...
...will I ever see the sincerity in the hearts of the people who wants to know me, or whom I'm getting to know?
Genuinity, is all I seek... Lord.
September 09, 2007
Results
Your answers suggest you are a Realist The four aspects that make up this personality type are:
Summary of Realists
Loyal and steady workers who meet deadlines
Believe in established rules and respect facts
Think of themselves as mature, stable and conscientious
May appear too logical or tough-minded and forget their impact on other people
More about Realists
Realists are loyal to the people around them and work hard to keep their promises. They are honest and straightforward with others and expect the same in return. Realists believe in standard procedures and will only support change when there is a demonstrable benefit.
Realists are the most common personality type in the UK, according to a nationwide survey.
Realists respect factual information, which they store up to use when making decisions. This group likes to have time to think quietly and carefully before taking action.
These extremely productive people like to be occupied in their leisure time with pursuits such as craftwork, hiking or reading.
In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Realists may become obsessed with schedules, critical of others or have trouble trusting other people to get the job done properly. Under extreme stress, Realists may complain loudly that events have taken a turn for the worse and predict negative outcomes.
Realists typically only share their opinions or personal experiences with trusted friends.
Realist Careers
Realists are attracted to jobs where decision making based on factual knowledge and experience is required.
It's important to remember that no survey can predict personality type with 100 percent accuracy. Experts say that we should use personality type to better understand ourselves and others, but shouldn't feel restricted by our results.
Read about the 16 personality types from the What Am I like? Personality test:
Finally, I managed to catch up on the news today as I have always been busy with the usual researches for my never-ending assignments. Furthermore, I am not a subscriber to The Straits Times or The New Paper, which also goes to show why I read the news every once or twice a week online.
Recently, the tabloids have been busy with the case of one National Serviceman, who roamed the streets of Orchard Road with a loaded ammunition. This is a big news and currently the most talked about affair in town among the teens and the young adults, especially those who have been through National Service (NS). Let me just do some newspaper reviews tonight.
Pathetic guy I would say... also, what he did was pretty dope. It doesn't matter whether his family members or relatives tried to 'kick' the tabloid journalists away, the fact is that WHAT HE DID WAS STUPID (and his family members too). There goes his bright future... all because of WHAT?! A girl.....
.........
It seems like many guys these days are soft in the inside or jumbled up in their cerebral cortex. And it seems that a great number of people these days do not exercise rational thinking. Instead, many of them prefer to be victims of their emotions. In another words, letting their hearts do the talking and in turn digging their graves six feet deeper.
Although tabloid journalists can be nasty and unethical in their job sometimes, I really admire their efforts for shaming the shameful in public. Whenever things start to go wrong, the shameful would react in a loud or vulgar manner while the tape goes on recording without any mercy. Consequently, every action outside of court are taped, and there's absolutely nothing that shameful person or company could do about this matter... Yeah, sue the tabloids. You can try. Will they even give a damn? NO!!! It's the damn tabloids folks! Tabloids gotta do what tabloids gotta do. In fact, the more one sues the tabloid, the more cases they have to report on and there will be more profits to make. At the end of the day, they are still the victor, undefeated and unchallenged. And I still don't understand why some nut cases would still spit or kick or hurl vulgarities upon the cameraman. He was just doing his job. And maybe you guys are not doing your job for educating that NS boy.
It was not the cameraman's fault for filming such incident outside of court, for if he does that inside court, he would be charged for Contempt of the Court. Here was when some over-protective and vulgar family members were going physical against another literally and lawfully innocent human being. YOU GUYS HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL SHAMEFUL!!!!! Not proud! If any of you read this, you guyz ought to be shameful, really. The whole island is talking about it and there's nothing you can do about it. Wanna sue this? You gotta sue Singapore instead. Hmmm... gotta think twice dudes.
Anyway, I don't think it's a good idea for some Singaporeans to be so proud to such an extent. I mean.. seriously speaking, if you are wrong, then YOU ARE WRONG! CONFESS your mistakes! REPENT! Apology would not help, neither can vulgarities or clashes of the fists. ARGH...!!! Some Bus-Tarts (bastards)!
By the way, I don't believe that going gaga over a girl would help in any relationship. Gaga-ness is contagious! The main essence within a relationship is unconditional love, not craziness! And if one has to walk down the boulevard armed with a SAR-21 to show off his Singaporean-bred creativity just because of a dumb break-up, then I think this is absolutely non-human and genetically stupid. Like it or not, what's done is done. But the deed, is indeed, gloriously laughable. Although not literally funny, but this has got to be the event of the decade, which deserves its place in history textbooks. Moreover, Corporal Dave Teo has just made history for being the first NSF to go AWOL with an advanced rifle of the century. This must be Singapore's proudest moment... yes? No?
Anyway, I've got sleepy bugs now... and I just feel so relieved after writing this review. It's been ages since I last handed in my newspaper reviews to my primary school teacher... ah well, anyway... good night.
September 06, 2007
Change.
It is the only thing constant in life (François de la Rochefoucauld, 1613 - 1680). It happens everywhere, every single time, and to everyone. But it is not judged by an absolute measure of good and bad; positive and negative; or more and less. For such superficial judgments are meant for those who do not understand the depth of change and its impact that awakens the greatness of a man.
Change is not an enigmatic terminology, nor is it a profound vocabulary with deep meanings too hard for a layman to grasp. It looks simple as a word itself, but yet, it takes a great deal of time for one to understand its consequences, causes and effects, as well as its significance. It is a common planet-wide phenomena, which every sane person usually take for granted. In addition, it is rather unfortunate that such attitude is very commonly found in the areas of relationship.
Many people do not completely realise that relationships are formed on the basis of our moral values and belief system. An individual would unconsciously have a liking for another person after several meetings together, and usually, common interests, goals, and values are the main reasons for relationships to be formed. Any drastic changes to one's self-image, belief system, or moral values, would cause the reaction of another, who is relatively involved in a friendship tie or a relationship.
This portion of understanding is, however, not separable from the essentials of constant communication, faithfulness, trust and loyalty, as well as common altruism. All these aspects are just as important but my focus here is about moral values and belief system that eventually determine a person's relationship with another.
Many of us do not immediately question ourselves, our actions, our choices, or our desires. We do not self-reflect until we commit a common mistake. This is a common consequence for many of us, and I am also guilty of such mistake. But we have to ensure that we do not repeat our mistakes twice. Furthermore, it is not advisable to attribute any responsibility or blame upon any person, situation or yourself. Unfortunately, we immediately seek confrontation with something that bothers us so much whenever we are aggitated or offended by that stimulus. It could be an object or a person, but most of the time, it is usually another person. Sometimes, they could be those we love most, such as a spouse, a friend, or a buddy. Each time we get offended by certain words or actions from a significant other, it is a common tendency to be taken aback and feel rather disturbed. In the process, what we commonly do, is that, we would approach that offender with an interrogative body language and make a scene out of a silence. The last words from such interrogators were usually as straightforward as this: "Hey, I think you have changed.".
Has she? Have they?
Many of us fail to look at ourselves with critical mindsets, because the ego is the primary source that fill us with dignity and self-pride, deep inside our inner self. As a result, we tend to blame others immediately for what they have done instead of doing some self-reflection in one quiet corner. But has the person REALLY change? Or was it our optic error that points the finger at the opposite direction, where it should have been? It is relatively easy to comment than to take criticisms. But one has to consider looking beyond the issue and examine the fault that lies within one's personality. Have our own personality changed? Was it, in our own individual opinion, for the better or for the worse?
It is usually 'us' who change - in terms of our personality, traits, belief system, moral values, principles, and ideologies - that brings a forceful (though not always welcomed) impact to others who are closer to 'us'. This change changes the way others view 'us' or relate to 'us'. Thus, whenever we notice slight or drastic changes in our social network, self-reflection is often required of 'us'.
If everyone self-reflects before confronting their friend-cum-offenders, every friendship and relationship would have a happy ending. This usually precedes by a simple and humble apology from both sides.
September 02, 2007
I used to think that moral philosophy is helpful in order to bring about changes within oneself. Indeed, it does change a person. But change is a relative concept we all have to deal with. The change within us is a two-tailed measurement, and we either decide upon the positive or negative change that we ourselves would in turn experience. It is only a matter of choice. But on what principles should we build upon in order to make a positive change in our lives, thereby bringing forth the impact we have on ourselves and others? Making decisions with the various choices that we have is not enough. The source that guides our choices and decision making should be something greater. It should be based upon our principles and life values, as well as the sources that drives these principles and values.
As for that, I shall leave the decision to the readers here. I've made my choice to let God be the centre of all principles and morality. It doesn't matter whether He exists, but what the bible implicates in terms of how we should live our lives, is something which I would embrace in my values as a human being. With this, I shall clarify that I am not being religious in any ways. I see moral values and principles as an important ingredient in living a fruitful life, more than just following laws, rituals, routines, and blindly believing in something without any reasons in doing so. In all things, there must be a reason, no matter how unclear or indescribable those reasons are. Love is the reason why relationships exist. Human nature and goodness is the reason for the existence of love. Our biological make-up is the reason for our human nature and goodness. The way we are is the reason for how we behave. But let's not touch on that so much for in reason, there are different perspectives.
Time is short, and so is life. I have been rather busy these days and failed to slow down and give a thought about my own life. The reason for me being stressed out is no different from any others who are living in the same planet as I am. We are all striving to excel, to make money, to make the best out of the opportunities that we can ever come across. Some of us turned into workaholics; some turned into maniacs; while others ended up in the nearby asylums. Why are we doing this? Do we have others to blame? Do we have the government to blame? Or do we have our own schedules to blame? We have no one to blame except ourselves. If only we can take one step at a time, by slowing down our pace, and examining our lives, it would do wonders later on. The more we rush things, the more we would become blinded to the most precious things that we have around us. In turn, we might take them for granted and lose what we deemed precious in our everyday lives.
I felt a lack of one moment. A lack of love and support, and because of this, I grew desperate. I was desperate not for women, but for money. I became money-minded, and a fervent money worshiper. I grew so impatient at one point in my life that I felt everything has got to do with money-making in order to lead a secure and fruitful life altogether. I knew all along that something was amiss... but then little did I know, I was desperate for the wrong things. I made money my choice, and career and ambitions as my ultimate goal in life... and I felt like a total workaholic when I embark on my life project. Even though I know that I'm attached to a beautiful girl of my dreams, my ambitions took me over and had a control over my life. In fact, it should be the other way round, where I should control my ambitions as well as my social lifestyle. The danger of busyness has overwhelmed me with worries, stresses, inner sorrows, constant desire for something of lesser priority. It has got a hold on me, when I should have gotten it in my very own control myself.
Then tonight, I realised that someone loves me a lot, and is willing to support me in everything I do. Time and time again, I asked myself if this was true. I want to start being trusting again. But at the same time, I want to learn from past mistakes. I've been hurt several times in a relationship, when I gave my all, and all I received was nothing but a sad and permanent separation. I'm sick and tired of going through the cycle of having to put up with all these nonsense. However, love has a price to pay. It is a sacrifice of oneself to another. I'm willing to give myself another chance to love. Sometimes, love is a risky journey to embark on, because we are all hurt before. Nonetheless, it is always Hope and Faith that comes together with Love - that's what kept me going. That's what kept me strong. And that's what gave me the courage to love someone all over again. It is always great to have someone (a significant other) whom you truly love in your life to give you support and encouragement along the way, as you pursue your dreams and visions. That's something I've been looking for in my entire life. And with this, I've found the girl whom I want to spend my life with. Thank You, Lord.
Also, after some thoughts to my priorities, I came to a conclusion that my partner will be of higher priority than my dreams and visions. Some of you might disagree, but I have my reasons. Dreams and visions will come to pass, as it is only a matter of time. It doesn't matter how long you take to get to your goal, it will happen once a focus is set upon it. But it is very different when it comes to the person you love in your life. Quality time plays a huge role in developing a relationship. The amount of other investments you sowed into a relationship will also determine its strength and durability. It takes commitment to do so, for without it, there will be no desired results. I am willing to postpone my dreams and visions in order to be with the person I love in my life. Notice that I mention the word "postpone". I do not mean giving up my goal for the girl I love most. It's just that I give more priority to the people I love - her, my family, and my closer friends - more than my goal.
To my dreams and visions, I know that you mean a lot to me, but my darling means much more than than you. It doesn't matter how long I would take to get to you, but I would still get there nonetheless. You will always be remembered and at the end of my life, you shall be the testimony I'd bring towards the One who sent me into this world.
To my darling, The day I found you is the the day I knew that it would be a fruitful beginning of our lives together. No matter how difficult things would become, we would be there for each other. And know that I would support you in your ambitions as well. Come what may, I'll love you, with my heart, mind and if you like, soul. I only have one person to thank, and that is God. You, darling, have shown me what love is. Despite the days I backslided, you chose to stay with me throughout those days of instability and loved me even more than what I truly deserved. Indeed, I found the love of God in you. And that is good enough for me to understand the essence of love.
There is nothing more important than being there for somebody (it could be anybody). Maybe life has been too busy for all of us, that we fail to cherish what has been the dearest to us all. It is the constant competition that sets us up for a greater disappointment. In order to change the world, we must change ourselves and also, the way we treat those who are close to us. Maybe busyness has blind-folded us to the needs of others, who are struggling to make ends meet.
In all things that we do, it is essential to check upon our own principles and values, as well as our own priority.
How do you want to live your life? What would you invest on with the time you have in hand? Ultimately, your time, is your life. Do you want to spend your time solely on career development, success, higher education, intellectual pursuits, or attaining glorious fame, while neglecting family and love ones? Or do you want to waste your time anyway? The choice is yours.
In the end, how would you want others to remember you? Would they remember you as someone who did absolutely nothing, and contributed nothing? Would they remember you as someone who would take relationships for granted just to achieve the ambitions of your heart? Would they remember you as a person who has absolutely no visions, no dreams, and living a life aimlessly and without any sole purpose in mind? Or would they remember you as someone who has made a difference in the lives of many, and someone who has achieved a great deal of success in dealing with both work and relationships?
It is not the number of commitments or responsibilities one has that makes a successful person. It all begins with how one manages them. In all things, there should be a balance, and balance is the key to a successful life.
