Initial: Frederick
Profession: Psychology Undergraduate
Birthday: days left
Height: 1.76m
Weight: 63kg
Blood Type: A+
Waist size: 29-30 inches
Hobbies: Blogging; Reading; Songs & Movies; Chill out
Talent: Writing; Acting; Singing; Accents
Favourite Food:
Italian Food;
Kimchi Chigae;
Roti Prata
Most Disliked Food: Anything crustacean - due to allergy
Favourite Songs to Sing to: For You (self-composed) & The Promise
Favourite Body Parts: Nose; Jaws
Schools: Pei Chun Public School (1989 - 1995); Chong Boon Secondary School (1996 - 1999); Nanyang Polytechnic (2000 - 2003); Monash University (2006 - )
Current Pursuit: Bachelor of Behavioural Science
Research Interest: Evolutionary Psychology
Other Interests: Evolution; Genetics
Contact:
frederikan@live.co.uk
February 03, 2007
What a night! It's like a night of confession for me. This is the night which I come clean before everyone including Maddy. I felt so foolish and guilty for telling everyone the truth.. but then, come to think of it. I guess it's something right to do. I realized I've been putting up a false front in front of everybody, even to those close to me. And I'm very very afraid of bearing my soul to them thinking they may judge me negatively like how some people in the past did to me.
Yes. Maddy and I are still friends, in fact, best of friends because she is someone special in my life who is a dear friend to me. That's all I can say because she is the only one whom I feel comfortable bearing myself to. About us being in an intimate relationship, it's just not right and I feel that God's purpose for her is to help me get on with my life - both physical and spiritual. She's like my guardian angel who never fails to be the light in my life as right now, it's filled with dimness. I hope we both can grow stronger in the Lord despite of what happened to each of us.
And yes. I have been repressing my true feelings, thinking that I can move on and get on with life after a sad break up with Xiu Wen. I tried pretending that nothing has ever happened and nothing can ever take me down. Put up a false front and trying to act tough. All these came crushing down when I confessed my feelings to Maddy this evening after service. She too felt the same way too and we both had an agreement to just be good friends with each other. This is a happy ending but the remaining journey lies with my vision to become somebody that God can use.
Also, I did deny the fact that I love Xiu Wen very very much. Even now when I know we're not together anymore. I tried searching for other squids, but I realized that there's only one squid in this world. And I still love her. She's the only one in my life that I would want to be with. she's someone I see myself spending the rest of my life with. And if there's anything that I would do for her to come back to me again, I'd go to the ends of the earth, just for it. No matter how long it'll take - 40 years, 60 years... I'll continue to wait and pray for that day happen.
After praying to God, I came to a conclusion that Xiu Wen is the girl whom I really want to spend my life with and that I pray she'll change her mind.
Lord,
I hand Xiu Wen into your hands. It's me putting her down at Your feet so that You can work Your way into her life and make her a woman of God, even if right now she may just be a 'baby' Christian. I trust that You'll bless her abundantly and keep her protected from the company that she'll be mixing around with. Give her wisdom in her studies and the strength to live every single day with a purpose. Let peace and calmness be in her heart right now even if she's going through tough times, but I believe that Lord You are greater than her problems. Lord, see her through her studies especially, because that's what is essential to her now but do use her to be someone who can make a difference in the lives of many. Bless her parents and little sis. Keep them safe, healthy and blissful. May her household be blessed in all areas of their lives - financially and physically. I pray too Lord, that you'll also use her mightily in future such that her entire family will be saved. Lord, I place her into your hands of love, care and nurture, and I trust that You will help her maximize her potential as I see a lot of it the first time I met her. Lord, if this is possible, please let her know that I still love her and she's the only girl whom I would like to have in my life. She's what I desire. But right now, even if we're not together. I pray that Lord, You'll prepare her for greater things to come in her life and I pray that we'll get together again when the both of us are spiritually ready.
Lord, I miss her a lot. I miss Xiu Wen, not because I can't get over her, but because deep down inside me, I do and still love her. Just like the way You loved me. Like I said, I tried looking for her, but found others instead. And even when I'm in a relationship with someone else, I feel like it's not right. Because the woman I love is not them. It's Xiu Wen.
I don't know if she's reading my blog. But I trust You Lord. You will be in control of everything. You know me through and through - my desires, my wishes and the things I want to pursue. Help me Lord to be true to myself and to others. Give me wisdom to say the right things at the right time. I pray that You'll set me focused on doing what I must do right now and continue to give me strength each and everyday. Never give up on me Lord, as I've never given up my life or on her.
Finally, when she's ready, I would then be able to pick her up from Your feet and meet her again and be close again. Lord, You have been so good to me. I would start to get myself spiritually charged up, not only for the sake of being together with Xiu Wen, but for my personal development with You Lord. Lord, she's the greatest blessing you can ever give to me above all blessings because that is truly what I desire. But Lord, You said that I should seek Your Kingdom first, so that all these blessings will be added unto me. I trust that You'll never break Your promises. I now stand upon this promise and believe that You'll never let me down... because ultimately, You know that I still love her. Whatever it is, no matter how long, I pray that You'll give me strength for my breakthroughs.
This I pray Jesus' name,
Amen.
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