Initial: Frederick
Profession: Psychology Undergraduate
Birthday: days left
Height: 1.76m
Weight: 63kg
Blood Type: A+
Waist size: 29-30 inches
Hobbies: Blogging; Reading; Songs & Movies; Chill out
Talent: Writing; Acting; Singing; Accents
Favourite Food:
Italian Food;
Kimchi Chigae;
Roti Prata
Most Disliked Food: Anything crustacean - due to allergy
Favourite Songs to Sing to: For You (self-composed) & The Promise
Favourite Body Parts: Nose; Jaws
Schools: Pei Chun Public School (1989 - 1995); Chong Boon Secondary School (1996 - 1999); Nanyang Polytechnic (2000 - 2003); Monash University (2006 - )
Current Pursuit: Bachelor of Behavioural Science
Research Interest: Evolutionary Psychology
Other Interests: Evolution; Genetics
Contact:
frederikan@live.co.uk
February 28, 2007
I'm terribly shattered these days.. not just because of my work load in my work place but I have a hard time dealing with my pride and ego. I just don't know how to go about dealing with it. This trait seems to be there all along as if it is engraved within a tombstone. I am fully aware that some people couldn't take my arrogance, which is something I'm struggling with. But I felt pressurized at the same time due to the fact that I'm trying so hard just to please others in order to change the way I act and behave.
I know I have flaws. MANY of them. I don't want to change into somebody I am not. There are certain extent where I should tone down my pride and ego a little.. this, I understand. I really don't want to try so hard anymore. It's like I'm not doing myself a favor at all. Please.. tell me what I should do now.
Maybe I'm scarred to the point that my heart has turned cold towards others. Maybe because of this, not only have I forgotten the feeling of being loved, but also forgotten how to love somebody. Somebody called me a jerk over the weekend. Am I really one? Maybe I am one.. I don't know. But all I know is, they can say whatever they like to say. However, in my heart, they are still my friends and people special to me.. including
her. Everyone thinks I'm bad. Everyone thinks I'm heartless, ruthless, heart-hardened and cold. But the fact is.. when they mean something to me, I seldom say it. Not even to my girlfriend (if I ever have one). That's when they don't really know or understand me.
I'm very surprised that even my cell group leader could tell me most about myself last weekend when she spoke to me about that 'sms incident'. I do agree that I sounded arrogant and very insensitive. Part of me was feeling very down and upset about certain things in my life, which I did not share about. Part of me felt hurt by the words of a friend that day. And it's still hurts.. 'cos it ate into my ego and I'm still feeling a bit sore inside. I'd like to hear words of praise but that doesn't means I couldn't take criticisms. Constructive criticisms that make sense to me will be absorbed and overnight, I may even think it over, reconsidering the entire situation. Furthermore, she mentioned that I'm the type of guy who does not entertain people telling me just what to do, or interfere with my decision-making process. In chinese.. this trait sounded really crude. It is unfortunately called 大男人主意. It's not so chauvinistic as you think it is.. ah well. I'm just surprised that someone who just knew me for a short time could tell this much about me. I'm just amazed.
Alright, my secret's out. I'm a jerk. I'm half a chauvinist. I put some people down. So what are you gonna do with me? Leave me alone and not bother me anymore? Do what you want to do now. I'm powerless; I've lost all my energy and I'm really breaking down inside.
I just had a long day at work today and I'm tired as hell. Met Sean, Elaine and Maddy for a short dinner and some shopping activity this evening. There I was looking forward to a time of chill and enjoyment with those friends. But Maddy was pulling a long face. I could sense something wasn't right but she doesn't even want to share with me. The truth is, I hate it when this happens. It doesn't piss me off that much but it's kind of irritating when girls start throwing tantrums and pulling long faces. Although I'm kind of used to all these nonsenses of theirs, it never fails to ruin the day. It's really not your fault Maddy. You have your own troubles and problems. I'm just ranting here so I hope you'll understand.
I'm really sick and tired of all these, really. If you girls just won't talk things out, then there's nothing I could do about it. Sometimes, girls can be
real funny creatures.. no offense, but this could be a pain in the neck too. ARGH!!!!! WHY CAN'T GOD JUST MAKE EVERYTHING SIMPLER?!
Where's my smile? Have I lost it? It's been a long time since
that kind of smile has been on my face. And I look deceivingly good and happy in my pictures too. Just like any superstar...
Is there someone out there who is meant for this 'flawful' being? Or should I just trot on alone in this Snow-covered Territory?
Founding Days
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