Initial: Frederick
Profession: Psychology Undergraduate
Birthday: days left
Height: 1.76m
Weight: 63kg
Blood Type: A+
Waist size: 29-30 inches
Hobbies: Blogging; Reading; Songs & Movies; Chill out
Talent: Writing; Acting; Singing; Accents
Favourite Food:
Italian Food;
Kimchi Chigae;
Roti Prata
Most Disliked Food: Anything crustacean - due to allergy
Favourite Songs to Sing to: For You (self-composed) & The Promise
Favourite Body Parts: Nose; Jaws
Schools: Pei Chun Public School (1989 - 1995); Chong Boon Secondary School (1996 - 1999); Nanyang Polytechnic (2000 - 2003); Monash University (2006 - )
Current Pursuit: Bachelor of Behavioural Science
Research Interest: Evolutionary Psychology
Other Interests: Evolution; Genetics
Contact:
frederikan@live.co.uk
February 01, 2007
I had been studying the whole day today and I was really shock when I heard that Maddy's mom wanted to see me in person. It's like happening all too soon for me. And I'm not even ready. We've just started out and got to know each other and now this??
It's getting way out of hand.. and I really wonder why can't she wait till the time when every thing's settled down before revealing to her mom that we are seeing each other. It's not about denying or lying to your own parents but it's about waiting for the right time to reveal the truth. Anyway, if that's what she think is good for the both of us, then so be it. Right now, I'm just going to be a guy that has a big banner written all over me saying:
HERE, THIS IS ME. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT, I'LL NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN. EVER!!! PURSUING MY DEGREE, HONOR, MASTER & HOPEFULLY, DOCTORATE WHEN THIS LOVE LIFE OF MINE IS OVER.I'm freakin' tired. Breakthroughs are yet to come for me, but currently, I'm in a lousy condition to stand up again. I don't know why I'm feeling this way all over again. I've been having mood swings the whole day today and the last message I received from Maddy was to rest well. Resting isn't the problem for me. It's about my stupid mood swings which often get to me since that very traumatic night.
Sure, I've moved on. Sure, I've recovered from the hurts.. at least 90%. Sure, my ex-gf really pissed me off. Sure, I still have a long queue of girls to date. But no one understands the very thing I need now. Well. Since this is my blog, I shall be really blunt and straightforward (this is my style anyway). Here are the things I currently need:
- Hugs
- Kisses
- Encouragement
- And just being here for me
Not much. But these are so precious to me right now and yet no m-f**ker even gives a damn about it. I can lock myself up in my room all day praying and talking to God and build a spiritual relationship with Him, but ultimately, if I don't have a physical bond with people in this physical world, I am equally nothing. If I, too, don't have what I really need now, I am also, equally nothing.
Nothing beats the touch of a lover. Nothing beats the whisper of a lover's encouragement. Nothing beats the way I would give - my time, energy, spirit and love to that special someone. It has become a form of attachment to me now and it's hard to depart from it. Ok. I gotta stop before I sound really needy, which is NOT my usual self.
Really hate this year to the core, damn. The start of this year is like a f**king piece of shit! How am I going to face the rest of this damn year and all its festivities? V-Day, CNY, Easter, NDP, my birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve? All these seem very insignificant to me already. My mind has been so troubled that I wish I could just kill myself now. Argh... and I don't know what I'm talking either..
Yeah.. so this is ME. And sometimes I really do hate revealing myself to others, even to the ones closest to me. If they see my darkest self, they'll judge me. And when that happens, no one would even give a damn about me or talk to me even though how close they may be to me. It's not just what I think, but a plain fact.
Yea, you may say that God has esteemed me higher than I could ever imagined. True to an extent. He loves me so much and would never jeer at the worst fault I have in me. That's just God. And where is He? He's in the spiritual realm. Yes. But physically? It's going to be people around me that will make a difference in my life. But I feel that no one truly understands me or my needs. But I do thank God for some special people in my life whom I don't want to lose. EVER. Maddy and my parents. God, You have placed three angels in my life. I've lost all except these three, and they are here to stay. I don't wish to lose anyone of them already. Losing one would break my heart because they mean so much to me.
To my future spouse,
I've been feeling really lousy these days because my heart's been shattered not too long ago. Somehow, I wish you were here with me to share my pains but I know that you won't want to see me this way. I always knew that you want to see the happy me when we ever get to meet each other for the first time.
I don't know who are you but I trust that you are someone really beautiful and hot as hell. I hope we can meet really soon because God's been testing my patience. And now I'm in no mood for my patience to be tested as I can blow up anytime. I've got short temper baby. And many other faults too. But I trust that you will accept me the way I am when we are together.
Oh, one more thing. I trust you know that I won't like anyone to take my love for granted.. just like what my ex-gf did to me. Just left me like that in an instant! I believe that if you were to know about it, you would have given her a tight slap across her face. I know that you are the type that hate to see me hurt and broken. Anyway, since you love me so much, just wanna let you know that I love you too. Whoever you are, wherever you are, take care. We'll meet again.
Love,
Thomas Frederick Lim
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