January 30, 2007
| You Are A Romantic Realist |
You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance.
Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know.
And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball...
But you'd never admit it to your friends!
|
Oh yea... that speaks accurately about my romance style. Gals, I can be romantic, but in a practical way. Don't talk fantasy with me because I won't entertain that. lolx
| Your Blogging Type is Kind and Harmonious |
You're an approachable blogger who tends to have many online friends.
People new to your blogging circle know they can count on you for support.
You tend to mediate fighting and drama. You set a cooperative tone.
You have a great eye for design - and your blog tends to be the best looking on the block!
|
I'm speechless for this one. HAHAHA... you can join me and my online friends at
www.stomp.com.sglolx
My blog skin isn't really the best looking one, but I can say that it's a good looking one though. I spent hours trying to do and re-do the template last year. And boy that was super taxing! As for being a mediator, that'll depend on the intensity of the brawl or catfights. I don't entertain brawls or catfights because they are just so immature. But you can definitely come to me for help. I may have a few problems yet to be resolved within myself, but that doesn't mean I can't help people on other areas right? Yeah... c'mon, just say "YES". Good doggie.. don't be so square, okay?
Anyway, I'm turning in soon... can't stand the revision already. LOTS TO CATCH UP AND READ UP AND LOTS OF NOTE TAKING.. I'm done for the day I guess.
January 28, 2007
Woohoo! What an evening I just had. Just returned from Alvin's wedding dinner at Rasa Sentosa. For some of you who doesn't know, Alvin's my previous cell group leader and it's funny how time flies and here I am seeing so many of my friends getting married. You know, the feeling is really like.....
EXTRA (if you know what I mean). But well, I'm not in a rush for that. There are still so many things waiting for me to tackle at this point of time.
The food was great. The wedding was romantic. Hahaha... mine's gonna be twice as better as that though. Yea.. and my wife's gotta be the luckiest woman in the world and definitely, I'll oversea that she
IS the luckiest. Yea, and she better be. lolx... love my gf very much. How much more will I not love my wife in future? To ALL my EX-es, I've just got two words for you: -
TOO BAD!!!Anyway, as promised, I will be blogging about the qualities I look for in my future spouse. HAHAHA... someone's feeling stressed now ye.. lolx
Aiya, mine's super practical. Here it comes.
Qualities I look for in my future spouse1.
Character - Traits and personalities are one side of a story. They can be enduring or temporary but nothing beats character. Character is a reflection of a person's belief system, values, principles and mindset. In fact, they're all similar like cousins. Ultimately, I want to be able to live with her harmoniously and to be able to flow with her in both the spiritual and the physical realm. This is one essential ingredient in all of us that will eventually bring us somewhere in life. Everyone out there is looking for someone with good character.
2.
Not Afraid to Express Herself - I don't like to date a robot, much less marry it. Robots are metallic, stiff and cold. I can't imagine having sex with a robot after the wedding dinner as it's very destructive not only to my little brother (metal too stiff to penetrate) but to my entire life! No, and I'm not letting that happen to me! I want a sweet girl who is not afraid to share her problems, her rants and her concerns to me. Sure, I may not be the perfect person to know what's going on sometimes except God Himself who understands it all, but I'm willing to be a good listener to my partner. By expressing our deepest concerns to each other, it can bring the relationship to another level of intimacy. This is something that money cannot buy.
3.
Honesty and Being Upfront - Honesty is very important. No one likes a liar. So this applies to me as well. And she has to be upfront towards me.. especially when the situation calls for it. Sure, I may be dense at first. Ok. I'm dense MOST OF THE TIME. So being indirect or giving silly hints will not get me. The only way to get me is to show obvious hints, or tell me straight in the face, although I would very much prefer the latter. Please don't ever hide anything from me especially when it concerns the both of us.
4.
Forgiving - This is a virtue. And a virtuous woman definitely ought to have this quality. In fact, this quality is a tough one for many these days I noticed. It includes patience and lots of tolerance level. Well, my future wife has got to have lots of patience handling my non-sense. If this quality scares girls away, then they are plain losers lah.. or should I say, people who dare not take up the challenge. It is tough, but nothing is impossible with God. lolx
5.
Having the heart for people - This quality has a very broad range of how it's being perceived. It's always good to be serving others and God at the same time. And by looking at the needs of others, you'll realize how fortunate or blessed you may be. Well, as long as my woman has a heart for people, I'm alright with that.
6.
Romantic and Physical - I like to be hugged/kissed a lot. Because I grew up in an environment that does not appreciate physical touch. I rarely get hugs in my life at all except through my previous girlfriends. So yea.. I like to be hugged and
sayanged (malay word for 'being loved'). Kisses are very important to me. They are a form of added motivation that can positively affect my performance in almost anything! Romance is very important. It is an essence within my relationship or marriage. It will never work out for me without romance.
That's it. Not a lot actually. Some can even say that I've high expectations. No. I only expect this much. There are hundreds of qualities I can list down here but it's not going to work. It would be a waste of time because if that were to happen, no girls would ever fall for me and my self-centredness. lolx So, only 6 qualities. Not much.
As I'm writing, I'm beginning to fall asleep as it's getting late at night. My mind isn't working very well already. Hence, I shall close this entry by leaving a few words to end this day...
Thank you Lord for the day, it was indeed blessed and meaningful.
Thank you dear for loving and caring for me. I love you too.
January 27, 2007
FRIEND: -
n. a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations. (Oxford English Dictionary)
I believe I have been repeating myself over and over again in this blog about the topic on friendship. Why? Because I value my friends. Also, I have a set of principles when it comes to this area.
The word "Friend" is a very commercialized and the most misused term in the universe. People cannot differentiate between "friends" and "acquaintances". And let me tell you guyz a secret. There should be only a few friends in your life. Honestly, not everyone can be my friend. I can't be a friend to everyone either. Whether one chooses me as his/her friend, it is ultimately that person's choice. We all have our own rights and God gave us our own rights to do what we deem fit in our lives and to our lives. If we are striped off our own rights, that goes to show how anti-social God is, which in reality, He isn't.
Friends are people who are with you through thick and thin:
- no matter what happens to you.
- no matter what you want to become.
- no matter what you have become.
- no matter which choice of path you choose in your life.
- no matter how you think negatively about that friend.
- no matter how different your goals and visions are compared to your friend's.
- no matter how not-talented or not-so-specialized you are compared to your friend.
- no matter what you are going through.
... and you know what? There's no other person in this world that fits nicely into these criteria because no one is perfect. Only God is perfect, because He shares a mutual relationship with those who believe in Him and He is there for those who seek after Him. He edifies us as we share our problems to Him, but at the same time, God reveals Himself to us when we reveal ourselves to Him.
We depend on one another as friends not just to solely edify one another (that is not enough), but to become bonded with mutual understanding and sharing. If there is no two-way sharing of personal lives in a friendship, it is not a friendship. It takes two hands to clap. And when friendship breaks down, don't blame it on any individual, but on the mindset of superiority complex (the belief system that constantly strive to be superior over the others) and avoidant attachment (the belief system that constantly guards the person from being open to others). These two mindsets are constantly stopping people from making friends effectively because everyone is afraid - afraid of bearing themselves or sharing themselves to others.
If I were to find a friend who has a little bit of all of those criteria listed above, that friend is a rare find. So in conclusion, my "friends" now are just merely acquaintances. Sorry if I sounded blunt but I guess if we keep misusing the word "friend" then I think we should change its definition in all dictionaries in the world.
But, don't be sad, I still love you guyz. lolx
January 24, 2007
It's been a day of joy and for the first time, I felt
real peace within my soul. It seems like something has made me completely whole out of a sudden.
Well, it's not that I wasn't whole at first but then something just made me felt even better than what I used to be. I found myself today. And I found Maddy. That's about it for today. We had a great time together at Fort Canning talking about almost anything under the sun.
I've never felt and became this close to her. And for once, I felt a sudden challenge within me that I should move to the next level of my life. I'm not satisfied with what I am now but I'm working on it myself. I'm trying to excel in all areas of my life and create a balanced lifestyle for myself.
Okay... I'm filled with so much joy in me now that I can't bring myself to blog currently. So that's about it. I'll be back soon.
January 22, 2007
A brand new day. A brand new song.
A few days ago, I told Maddy I felt like writing songs that express what is in my heart. Right now it's just something that I want to do during my free time. In fact, I wrote my first song last year and sang it to my ex-gf once. It's a song that I wrote myself but the tune was from my favorite duo Fly to the Sky. So half the credit goes to them. I've got a hard time searching for my lyric again as it was written on my other blog which belonged to both my ex and I. Thus Maddy, being a helpful and sweet girl went to search the lyric for me and I finally found it. For once, I thought I lost the lyric cos I hate to go back to that blog again to look at it, which brings back lots of memories. Oh well... here you go, the lyric to the song that I will sing to my darling who is yet to appear before me in the very near future..
FOR YOUNever thought I could feel this way
Never dreamed that there would be this day
Even though a stranger you were to me
Now that I have found you and
All we do is to give each other strength to live every single day
Our joy never ends
Although there are days when hope is scarce and seems so far
When I'm all alone and thought that it's too hard to bare
One thing that I realized, you were always there
From that moment on, I believed
You and I are one
For all the storms and the darkest days
All the tears and bad times that I've faced
I can now erase them all within my heart
For I know there must be
Something growing stronger inside of me
And I'm able to overcome it all
Because of you
Sure there are days when hope is scarce and seems so far
When I'm all alone and thought that it's too hard to bare
One thing that I realized, you were always there
From that moment on, I believed
You and I are one.
Lalilalilalala...
Ohhhh....
Always; forever I'll be right by your side
Hold on to these promises; I'll never let you down
I will keep you in my heart until my dying days
And from this moment on, you and me
We are one
And together we will achieve..
our neverending dream
Mmmmm...
Never thought I could feel this way
Being with you feels like eternity
To my darling, whoever you may be in future, I love you. And I know that I'll love you, even though we've not met yet. Somehow, I wish you were here holding me, and I wanna lie in your arms forever.
January 21, 2007
What will I do if I have 777,777 Singapore dollars?1. Obviously.. S$77,777.70 will be my tithe for the month.
2. Buy myself lots of new clothes and accessories to make myself look like a celebrity everywhere I go.
3. Get myself a personal gym instructor.
4. Go to S. Korea for a tour.
5. Go get a girlfriend and get married in 3 months. Sex just right after the wedding dinner. lolx
6. The balance would be spent on treating my friends to meals and recreations.
WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
What can I do now without 777,777 Singapore dollars?1. Get a degree.
2. Get a job.
3. Get a life.
>.<
Eeeeek...!
January 20, 2007
Today's the first day of my morning exercise regime at the gym. It's super taxing! I wasn't use to waking up early to doing my weights and jogging on the treadmill. Thus, I felt really tired the entire morning. My arms are still aching and my strength just wasn't there. Well.. it does takes a little bit more time for me to get use to "morning gym". It's time for me to hit the gym though. Basically, I've been slacking away from my exercise regime for a month and half now. And those heart breaks really dragged the whole thing even longer. But, I'm not going let all these things affect my health nor my fitness. I just need to go and do the things that I've always wanted to do.
Anyway, service was great just now. And, guess what? Maddy was with me - she and her two other cell group mates. And this is one of the services which I mysteriously enjoyed.. not only because of the atmosphere or the presence of God, or the great worship songs we sang, or even God's word speaking to my heart. We all know that God is good. And when He's around, the atmosphere rocks. Not just that, people start praising Him, singing, dancing and shouting praises of His name... all these just come, even accompanied with the joy and peace of the Lord. But Maddy is someone different. She's someone special.. at least, to me. For some reasons I couldn't explain in words, she's someone incomparable and rocks my socks as well (just like how I rocked your socks.. lolx).
After service, I had a movie outing with some of my cell group members. And the movie we watched - Blood Diamond. Alright, here's how I rate the movie: -
This mildly violent movie is packed with actions and suspense. In short, it is conflict-based. However, the plot of the movie is excellent. I came to realize how precious a son is to a father, compared to a piece of diamond which is worth a lifetime of salary. It really touches my heart of how the story ends with the exchange of the diamond for a family reunion. You have to watch this show! It's a
MUST watch!
Final note is... cherish your love ones. Anyone you love, just let them know how much you love them.
January 17, 2007
School as usual this afternoon.
Put on my new pair of shades.. wore my favorite white shirt.. sling on my lappie-bag.. and styled up my hair usual. It's time for lesson! Off I go to school!
After school.
Meeting Maddy for a short date. Hahahahaha..... nah, a new friend of mine though. Had a great time getting to know her better. Really hope she enjoyed herself even though there was nothing much to do at that time of the day.
Maddy's portionAnd I found out she likes to eat Fried Mars Bars too. That's something which I haven't eaten for a long long time. And well.. I didn't eat it today to protect my voice from harm, since I love to sing. lolx.
My portionSo, I ordered the cheese sausage with mash potatoes. They tasted really heavenly and to tell you the truth, I'm tempted to go back and get myself another sausage next time. lolx. Old Chung Kee doesn't sound appealing to me anymore. lolx. It's gonna be Chippy's for break time.
*edit*
After getting the permission to post the picture though... lolx*edit*
Alright... all in all a good day out. She's a nice girl after God's own heart; really sweet and pleasant. It's really nice to meet you.. hope we can meet up again for some kewl activities. Hope to know to you more as a new friend.
And right now I'm dead tired to do my essay. Will be starting to enslave myself to it by tomorrow onwards. Shit! I've got 6 more days to do my essay. Gotta bark up!
This morning I awoke with a deep shock on my face. Not just that, the pounding of my heart can even be heard. My mind felt dizzy and my heart broke. I was too disappointed with my subconscious, which is making a fool of me. Or rather, it was my unconscious mind that produce such thoughts.
I dreamed of my ex again. This time, it was even more real than before. She was right next to me, but we have already broken up so we were talking like friends. But a moment later, she became more friendly and out of the blue, we kissed. This whole episode was like a reconciliation drama that drew me fascinated the whole night and day while sleeping in my comfortable bed. I wouldn't want to wake up to this
real world where everything is now over. I wouldn't want to wake up to this time of the day when I knew I should be moving on. Instead, I somehow wish that I could remain in my dreams forever and ever, and never wake up to see the light again.
Somehow, I wish that I would be dead... or, to put it simply, I wish I could rest in peace and be at no where other than the place where I can be with her.. together.
Somehow, I wish that she will come back to me.. renew her thoughts and trust me again. I wish the
99 wishes I had will come true again. I wish God could bring me into this wonderful episode of my life once again and let me re-live it once more. I want to rewind and be in that place of comfort because right now, I'm breaking down inside of me. And I can think of nothing.. do nothing.. see nothing.. feel nothing.. except being in a blank state of coma. My soul is now empty... longing to relive those sweet memories once again... waiting for those days to come again... wishing hard for them to appear again.
I can smell blood oozing from my soul... a soul redeemed but has lost its summer shine. I could not smile as easily as before. Somebody has told me that I have sad eyes and eyes that look tired or lazy. Although I know I have to move on, but those sweet episodes in my life will never be forgotten. They will stay with me till the day I die. And right now, there's no one else that I love besides God... and her.
Somehow or rather, I felt that she's the one for me even when my mind tells me to deny it. But I don't want her to be tied down. I want to set her free and give her happiness. I don't hate her anymore because I came to realize that she needs her time and space. I don't want to be her friend. I want to be the right one for her. But if she ever find someone who can give her happiness, then I would be happy too. I remembered that these words are what I actually said to her when we were together. And as a man, I do keep my words. I mean everything I say... even when I told her how much I really love her.
I would wait for her, even in my dreams.
January 13, 2007
This is really sad. Somebody deleted me from her friendster and this plunged a machete into my already broken heart. How could she be so cruel? How could she be so unreasonable? If we just can't be lovers, then might as well be on talking term. Why must she walk out of my life just like that? It's like one moment we were close and the next, she's gone like a dead person.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time. But it's no use now. I'm starting to move on and find my new happiness some where. But deep down I really hope I would not a friend like her. She's one of my loyal friends before we ever got together. And today, is her birthday. Happy birthday, my friend. I still treat you as a friend. I don't know who you treat me as. But it would really break my heart to ever lose the friendship with you.
I've gotten over you. I've moved on. I want you to know that we can still talk like friends.. like buddies. I don't want this to turn bitter or sour. Let's not live on like this, carrying such bad memories and unfortunate end in our lives to come. I hope we can reconcile this friendship again.
Is it so hard?
All we need is to forgive each other. And let there be peace.
January 12, 2007
This is madness. I've got twelve more days before my essay's due. And here I am trying to structure everything I've gathered and thinking of how to put them into plain simple English. I've got to go to the library now to do some more reading. I just can't help walking away without blogging. Blog is now my friend. Closer to me than ever before.
Well, today's gonna be a great time of fellowship with my cell group mates in Bugis. Steamboat for dinner! Cool! Gotta check it out tonight. Anyway, I'm not in a mood of writing standard article as my mind is everywhere around the place now. I'm multi-tasking. Finally! Here listening to my mp3s, typing my blog's entry, waiting for my medicine to cool, packing my bag and getting ready to go out pretty soon. Well, my life's changed a little lately so, I'm still adapting to this change and hopefully when something good comes around, I'll cherish it as well.
Life's been busy for me. And I've got some friends who needs my concern.. oh well...
How I wish I could have someone with me right now. Someone special who cares. Oh, it's physical; not spiritual...
January 11, 2007
I took a personality disorder test today and got the shock of my life.
Here are the rankings of my possible disorders:
Here're the top 5.
1. Antisocial
2. Histrionic
3. Obsessive-compulsive
4. Narcissistic
5. Paranoid
.. and here're the bottom 5.
6. Schizotypal
7. Avoidant
8. Dependent
9. Borderline
10. Schizoid
Okie.. And I am still puzzled. Why the heck am I antisocial and histrionic? Can anyone tell me why? I don't know if this is true about me but such psychological test do convey some truths every now and then. I'm not going to judge myself. You guyz see it for yourself... then tell me if it's true. lolx.
Disorder InfoEccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, SchizotypalIndividuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.
Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.
Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and NarcissisticIndividuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.
Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.
Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.
Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-CompulsiveIndividuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism
Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.
January 10, 2007
BAD... this is bad. I've calculated the number of days I've been in this rotten state and the total adds up to about five days now. FIVE DAYS! 5
freakin' days I've been having coughs, sore throat and some flu.
Well, sore throat is no longer the issue now. It got better a few days ago.
I still have my coughs. I still have my flu. I have plenty of phlegm in my throat. I feel a little cold sometimes. And now I have teeth-aches. Not that it's painful, but it's sort of a numbness at the rear of my upper jaw on both sides. And as I walk, I can feel the numbness and pinch at the back of my jaw. It's irritating. And this is causing me to have headaches every now and then. Minor ones. I'm just not in a right state. I'm just not myself lately. I'm not heart-broken. I'm just feeling sick. It sucks when I have to drink excessive amount of water, eat tons of porridge and some bread for almost every meal these days. Urgh... I pray I'll recover soon or there won't be anything I could eat this coming Lunar New Year.
Yeah.. lots of water consumption. Went to 7-Eleven after a class break today to get what? To get a bottle of water. And since when did I ever buy water from a convenient store at break time? Damn, I need that water. For what? For my damn cough and stupid flu. And class was quite slack today that I took a picture of my 'water bottle' for the day.
Ok this is spastic. I think I took the same picture before last year, except that the bottle was different. That bottle was Life. This is Vodavoda. And since I lost my Life already, Vodavoda is what I need now. Oh, in case you guyz don't know, Voda is the Russian word for "Water". Why? Because I said so. And because I know so. Damn, this cough is killing me. No. Flu. No. Not just that. It's my headaches and my teeth-aches. OUCH!!!!!
I need some rescue here!!!
January 09, 2007
It's raining cats and dogs outside my window now. To be woken up at this time of the day is a big mistake. Well, my cell phone's alarm just couldn't help ringing for four times in a row to get me started on this.. day.
Then again, I felt like sleeping in for this time being but I just can't. I don't understand why I can't go back to sleep once I've woken up from dreamland. This is good in a way that my "light-sleeper" characteristic can be my life-saver in case of disaster or catastrophe. But what the hell..? I'm just safe at home with nothing to worry about and a bit noise here and there can wake me up from my deep sleep. I envy sound sleepers 'cos they can just enjoy their sleep despite of noises that are present around them. And in Singapore, it's the best sleep characteristic to have.
Yesterday I was out studying for the entire afternoon. I was in Raffles City basement planning my essay's structure, when suddenly I had to pee. So I went away for a little while, washed my hands and there goes my ring. Yes. I LOST MY RING!!! I lost my pinkie, which I was wearing on my last finger of my right hand. I can't believe it just slipped right from my finger as I walked into the fast food restaurant again. Sheesh! And that cost me ten bucks! Ok.. not very much at all. But if I buy another one, it'll cost another 10 bucks. 20 bucks in total that is! Neh.. not gonna get the ring for some time though.
Bugis was crowded as usual. I was there yesterday shopping for some jeans, shirts and shades. And P.O.A., is one of my favorite stores I'd patronize when I'm there. Their clothes are very "Korean star-like" style. The jeans are really nice but I just couldn't get my size. One was just too loose and the other was just too tight. Pity! If they only had size 31 I would have bought it. The price? Hahahaha... 109 bucks. lolx
I tried on the blazer there but it wouldn't look good on me unless I start my gym regime anytime soon! ARGH!!! And my stupid flu is still casting a bad spell on my poor nose. Too bad, no one was with me at that time, or I would have taken a few shots of myself in blazers, jeans and maybe.. the pair of aviator shades from 77th Street, which I have always wanted to get.
All in all, a good shopping trip though. And guys, I think you all have to do some window shopping once in a while. It's good to look around for some cool stuffs. You'll never know when you'd find some things you think look good on you. It's time to dress up, look sharp and perhaps, attract more ladies. I don't know about you, but I think first impression counts. You don't wanna dress like shit, look like shit and expect a girl to be caught in attention by how you look right? Precisely.
Anyway, this year is beginning to sail on well already. I'm now enjoying my life as a single, doing all the things I like doing and hanging out with my cell group brothers. I'm also hanging out with old friends and started catching up with them on how they are doing.. not forgetting reminiscing the old days and laughters. It's something not only to fill my heart of it's current broken state, but it's something which is right to do. Old friends are hard to find because they're old. If you were to find them, they'll be new friends, not old. So, they're the rare ones who would stick with you through thick and thin and through the ages.
I thank God for healing my hurts, which I got last year after so many things had happened overnight. It's sad to part with the memories and all the good times we shared. But I know that in the end, if the person just couldn't cherish what I gave her, that speaks a lot of how she views us then. I don't like to be taken for a ride. And that incident made me felt like I just got taken for a roller coaster ride. It's just so unfair! And it makes her look stupid for saying that. It also makes me feel stupid.
I don't know. But whether or not I'll get to find my happiness again.. this time round, never will I make the same mistake again. I would seriously put God in the middle of the relationship such that it will work out well. I've learned that instead of drawing strength, support and emotional needs from your significant others, both parties have to draw those from God, because God is our strength and our source of needs and provision. Drawing those from each other in a relationship will cause both parties to feel drained out and tired. Eventually, it's not going to work out.
I regretted not putting God first in my previous relationship. But I hope that when I find someone special again, I would be a better person and a better lover.
January 08, 2007
I'm really sick!
Up till now I'm still having sore throat, runny nose and feeling a little bit cold here and there. I should be going to the gym this evening, but I doubt I can ever make it to run even 50 meters.
Some say it's love flu. Some say it's just stress. I kinda agree to a certain extent cos this time of the year, I'm kinda upset over some things that was beyond my control. Besides, I find it hard to even start my damn essay which is to be dued in two to three weeks' time. In addition, I have some more stuffs to read up on, regarding my Psychology module. This time, I find it rather difficult to set my fullest concentration after so many things had happened.
Yeah I'm doing fine with the brokenness that's left since the 'party' ended. It's never a good fight before but I managed to put most part of it aside and start things afresh. Let me tell you guyz, it's never easy! I'm struggling to stay happy despite many times I tried praying to God asking him for the peace He can ever give me, especially during this period of time, when my heart bleeds the most.
It's funny why some people just take everything from me for granted. I never intended to give myself any chances before, 'cos I was disillusioned. Not just once - millions of times! And to think that someone is feeling tired over everything that has happened between us, what about me? Can that someone spare a thought for me too? Or did she?
Anyway, I don't take this as a reason at all. I've done my best. Given my all. Loved to the fullest. And if taking me for granted is the only thing that could ever happen to me in the end, that goes to show what an ungrateful and unappreciative partner I once used to have. Not just that, a simple difficulty of not being able to express yourself speaks a lot about your character too. An emotional robot will NEVER get to experience the love of God unless they pray often and seek God often. How much do YOU love God? If you do not love God, you won't be able to love others the way I loved you.. though I may have some flaws (I don't want to sound like a perfect person).
Whatever.. I am still very sick now. And I hate it when I can't taste my own food. It draws my appetite away. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel lousy at the moment. I want to go out, but I don't know if it would make my condition worse. It sucks when I have to stay home.. something which I hate doing so at the moment. Argh!!!
And oh, some new year resolutions for 2007: ~
#1 Study hard! Get good grades for the semesters ahead.
- My purpose for it: Not to show-off, but glorify God with what I can excel in.
#2 Make new friends and more friends! Time to broaden up my social circle.
- My purpose for it: To know more people; to learn new things and not forgetting, to find that special someone. lolx
#3 Buy more new clothes. Preferably one every month.
- My purpose for it: To increase the size of my wardrobe. And hopefully, if I enter choir ministry, I'll get to wear them all and look sharp.
#4 Get back to gym again. Get fit after my current sickness.
- My purpose for it: To stay healthy and fit. It'll make me look good in front of the mirror too.
#5 Stay in tune with God and His children.
- My purpose for it: To stay spiritually healthy and fellowship as often as I can. The cell group is full of wonderful people, especially the brothers! I love YOU guyz!
#6 Be an attractive person (physically and in character wise).
- My purpose for it: This is a good way of meeting new people. I'm still working on it.. so, do cut me some slack if I do have my flaws.
#7 Find myself, my talents and my potential.
- My purpose for it: Time to put back the pieces and start things anew. This is the year I would like to discover where my strength lies as well as maximizing my potential by using what I have, or rather, what God gave me.
All in all, these are some things that are not really easy to fulfill, but it just takes me that courage and faith to do it. I've got the whole year and the good thing is.. my closest ally is God Himself.
He shall provide me more and restore to me what I've lost the previous year. This year, I shall see my resolutions come to pass!
January 07, 2007
나는 돌아온다!!!I'm back!!! Back back back back back!!!!!
I've suffered enough! And I'm not going to suffer more in my own miserable world. Welcome back to the all new
Snow-covered Territory! Time to start things afresh and leave my ungrateful past behind that has caused me pains, hurts, deception and disillusions.
I'm sure you guyz miss me the way you miss my writings hur?
Okok.. I promise that this time round I'll be even more creative and humorous okay? Hahaha.. Of course, just give me a little bit more time and everything will be back to normal again. It's now time for me to clear up some stuffs before moving on in my life.
Well, I'm glad God has given me the strength to rebound from my injuries and heart-breaks. I'm glad God has given me the courage to face this life again, despite many times I thought of ending it. I'm glad God has given me the peace in my heart to do the things I've yet to fulfill. And I hope this peace will remain in me for a long time because I still have many things that I yet to complete.
Tears filled my nights and cold sweat broke out ever since. I'm feeling cold, having sore throat and my bones are feeling weak... I think it's time to take good care cause I don't want another calamity to strike me again. It's just too hard for me to take already.
Right now, it's a time for me to clear up the mess cos the party has ended - my heart was broken, my life sort of currently lost its meaning and my smiles seem to be fading by the day. Some wonder if I wanted to give myself another chance. Of course, I will give myself another chance no matter how tired I may feel sometimes due to the number of heart-breaks I received. Time after time I tell myself that I have to give myself chances because I'm the price, not them. And if they take my love and concern for granted, it's their loss! And I mean it. It's their loss.
Hey, I'm single once again! Girls! You know what to do. LOLX!!!!!
