The impression forces itself upon one that men measure by false standards,
that everyone seeks power, success, riches for himself, and admires others
who attain them, while undervaluing the truly precious thing in life.

~ Sigmund Freud            

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Initial: Frederick

Profession: Psychology Undergraduate

Birthday: days left

Height: 1.76m

Weight: 63kg

Blood Type: A+

Waist size: 29-30 inches

Hobbies: Blogging; Reading; Songs & Movies; Chill out

Talent: Writing; Acting; Singing; Accents

Favourite Food: Italian Food; Kimchi Chigae; Roti Prata

Most Disliked Food: Anything crustacean - due to allergy

Favourite Songs to Sing to: For You (self-composed) & The Promise

Favourite Body Parts: Nose; Jaws

Schools: Pei Chun Public School (1989 - 1995); Chong Boon Secondary School (1996 - 1999); Nanyang Polytechnic (2000 - 2003); Monash University (2006 - )

Current Pursuit: Bachelor of Behavioural Science

Research Interest: Evolutionary Psychology

Other Interests: Evolution; Genetics

Contact: frederikan@live.co.uk

Dec 26th. Boxing Day. Squidy and I broke up.

It was a rally sudden move she made and there's nothing I could do about it.

I cried myself to sleep every night and now I'm still trying to get over her. Meanwhile, I'm looking around for my friends' support for my weak soul. I'm feeling powerless and I'm in the deepest valley of my life. I hope people will understand why I'll suddenly cry without reason. I hope they will not be shocked, or surprised. I don't want to feel this way but somehow, I just couldn't bring myself back up on my feet despite so many prayers and so many times I try to forget this relationship.

My heart is so broken and I just wish that my friends will seriously be near me right now giving me all the love they can. I pray that my God will give me strength to move on, as well as the courage to do the things I yet to do myself.

I thought of giving this blog a temporary hiatus. There's nothing more to write about now that the most important person in my life is gone.

I felt like dying and many times I felt like being in a coma so as to forget all that I've gone through. This is very torturing and very painful. It's just painful to me that I just wanna tear my heart open and gash it. I feel numb. I feel like a dead person all of a sudden.

There's nothing left. Nothing left but God. And if God is for me, then where is He? I want to feel His presence and be loved over again. I'm staggering myself towards Him and I hope He will heal my brokenness. I fear I can never walk again because this part of me is dying.

Right now, I had no clue just where to start in my journey as a single... who's being attached for a long time. I felt helpless. I felt cheated. I felt that Squidy had just taken me for a ride. I'm just so disappointed in her. I'm so heart-broken with the attitude she showed me regarding our relationship. We could work it out, but then she chose to give it up. There's nothing left that I can do, except to cry.

I will never forget this episode of my life. It's worse than any sickness that I've gone through and worse than any other tragedy that will ever happen to me. It hurts me without anesthetic and my eyes are wide opened. This is worse than any biopsies I've gone through in hospital. This is the worst episode in my life and I'm desperately crying out for God's hands to love me and to shelter me from this storm.

I hope He will come true to me. And I hope I will get on with my life as fast as possible and after that, and only then, will I come back to write this blog again. Till then, this is Gi Jung signing off...



Just came back from church after sending Squidy home. Tired but happy. Definitely enjoyed myself today and the fact that I've not seen Squidy for a week made the both of us pretty talkative at first. lolx

When I awoke this morning, I rushed to complete the little Christmas card for my darling and pasted it on the present itself.


And here I go..! I'm off to meet my girlfriend!

Excited, I put on my new white sleeved shirt and took the train to meet Squidy at her place. The journey would have been shorter if it hadn't rained. Stupid whether. And by the time I reached Bedok, I'm perspiring like crazy. Again, what a stupid whether.

She saw my shirt and well, nothing negative came out of her mouth. That goes to show that I'm wearing the right thing. HAHAHA.. it's self-explanatory once you're with a person for quite some time.. you tend to be able to read his/her mind. Squidy looked extremely good today. She also wore her make up and I think she has done a good job even it's just her first few times putting it on.

So off we went to City Link and tasted the food at New York New York (NYNY). Really yummy western dishes there. And it's quite appetizing too.

She ordered the fish and chips, which I guess many of you know what it looks like. As for me, I ordered some Brats with bacon and cheese.. and it looked awesomely sinful!



Really tempting... but I the fries are kinda hard today, i don't know why.

And just before our food arrived, Squidy opened her present! I'm glad she like the gift I sent her. It would be with her for a long long time. And this time, it is more lasting than flowers. lolx


Squidy and the present

Feasting time!!! ... with the root beer float as well. Yum!




Now... guess what Squidy bought me?

TADA...!



A leather-looking bag! For two years I've been searching for a bag that looks like this. Looks like it can only be found in a foreign country like Taiwan. Singapore? A lousy place to look for good quality stuffs.

Even the candies and chocolates there are very unique. I got a taste of one the chocolates Squidy brought back from her trip. It's shaped like a dung and comes in a few flavors.


Strawberry flavor. Very sweet but tasty.


Then there's the dark chocolate flavor. lolx... this one looks really like sai.

Service was great. the Christmas drama was excellent. And the atmosphere was memorable.. unforgettable.. and it's a celebration that means something to me. This is by far the happiest Christmas I've ever celebrated. Words can not even tell you why... but I guess only Squidy will know. Her heart will know..

Here are two pictures taken in church just now...


Candles were burning brightly in the entire congregation



Alright!!! That's all for the pics taken today. I'm in a lost of words now. I'm tired, sleepy and speechless, so I'm not in a mood to write much. Anyway, it's getting late. Good night people of the world!



I must say that I'm feeling super excited right now. Squidy is coming back today!!!

Alright, not just that, but I've prepared a very special gift for her... something that she would like to have. I'm not saying here for fear she might know. And the pictures..? I'll be posting them in this entry once she got my surprise tomorrow.

Haha... I'll definitely be groomed to my very best tomorrow afternoon and for Christmas service in the evening. It's going to be a wonderful time tomorrow celebrating with my love ones and Jesus. My heart in fact, is pounding really hastily right now and I'm afraid I might get some sort of a cannabis-rush soon. Too much highness in me now. Manz.. I'm getting way too excited! lolx

Anyway, the pics will be up tomorrow together with another entry of great celebration for the season of giving in advance.

*edited*
Okay now the pics are up!


Wrapping the present..


Present wrapped!


Taking it back to my room for the night before the celebration.

*edited*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!

Thank You for the cross and the blood that was shed for me!



I've just stumbled upon a psychology column in ABOUT.com and did a simple psychological test on my romantic attachment style. I'm kind of amazed at the result they provided me after the test. Guess what? It was the same result I got from another test found in my psychology unit guide book! This is really shocking... and here's the result in thumbnail. Do click on the image to view the bigger version of it.



Amazing! And the score I got from my psychology unit guide's attachment test: -

Score of 14 for SECURE
Score of 11 for AMBIVALENT
Score of 10 for AVOIDANT

The answer is now very clear, if not, certain, that being securely attached is the best way for me to feel accepted, needed and loved. Woah woah woah... you mean I'm clingy? NO! It's not like that. It is more of me feeling comfortable being close to others, not just in relationships. That's the reason why I get so disillusioned when friends do not call me out often or "consult" me because these little things will make me feel great.. They motivate me - as in it makes me feel needed. Another way of saying is that it makes me feel useful instead of feeling useless and hopeless most of the time. And yes, I do doubt my abilities at times. I don't know what happened back in my little childhood that got me into this state. but that's just the way it is now.

Here's a quick look at the table below explaining the characteristics of secure attachment...


Again, click to enlarge the thumbnail.

I can't believe this. It speaks so accurately about me!

This website together with all the psychologists or columnists whatever... who wrote and edited this article deserves a big round of applause from me.

You can find the article here ---> What's Your Romantic Attachment Style?

Just don't hesitate to do the psychological test if you need to. Haha..



I finally received my lappie today!!!

Unexpectedly, the delivery guy showed up at my doorstep this afternoon at 2 plus. I was expecting the lappie to be delivered by 6pm in the evening but they were early.. super early! Well, it's a good timing since I was planning to go out shopping with my buddy Glenn at 7pm. Almost instantly, I had the computer set up and its settings configured right after lunch. I was pretty excited as I'm about to forsake my "loser" desktop on this very day. No more slow reactions from my computer and no more blinking headaches. =_=|| whee~!

Yay! Another item striked off from my wishlist..

I went shopping with Glenn just now and bought a new long-sleeve shirt. It's a white cotton shirt with cuff lings on it. Looks really nice in my opinion. It is of a very good material. I feel really comfortable wearing it. And the shop retailer actually commented that I look great in white! That made my day.. well, anyway, I knew in fact I could carry the color 'white' pretty well, cos of my skin complexion and color as well as my size.

So, I bought that shirt and I planned to wear it this Saturday when Squidy comes back. This is my surprise for her as she seldom sees me in newer clothes, so there.. Something for her to be delighted about.

Yet another item striked off from my wishlist! Whee~! lolx

I'm looking for Squidy's present next and most probably, I would be hunting for it this Wednesday after school. And I hope I can find what she may like to have.

Alright, time to do something else with my new lappie! I'll be back for more posts..

*off to have fun with lapie*











Cell group outing today!!!!!

FELLOWSHIP!!!!!

And the venue: - NYNY (New York²)

Indeed, the prices of the food there are expensive, but not the fellowship! We ordered the giant sized Yankee burger and had it cut into four equal pieces. Damn, I forgot to take a picture of it. Nevertheless, the burger tastes really superb!! I would recommend that to anyone, but please.. order this ONLY when you are in a group of four. This burger is eight inches in diameter, so beware!!! If you're planning to eat this, don't eat alone!

What else did we had?... Hmm.. oh pepperoni pizza! Yum yum.. very nice! Recommended as well. Anyway, you should try patronizing this restaurant. It's really worth it! The price is high, but the food is good! Patronize it once in a while and enjoy a sumptuous meal with your friends. Do prepare a budget of 10 bucks and above when going with a group of friends.

Okay, before I sounded like a TV host for food reviews, let me get back on track. HAHA..

This is the only picture I took with Glenn. lolx.. damn I look tired. All those shitty assignments causing those eye bags to show again. Argh...



I realized that Glenn also carries the same phone as I do. lolx.. what coincidence!

It was altogether a great fellowship and out of the blue I did share about my life testimony.. about how I got miraculously healed from cancer. All thanks to God and His mercy. In fact I was quite hesitant to talk about it cos I'd get emotional every time I recall the incident of what actually happened to me back then. However, since Iris prompted me to share, well, I did eventually. And I'm still contemplating whether I should join my church's ministry of the terminally ill. If what I had gone through was really a preparation of something greater that is to come, I wonder what is it.. If I ever discover that purpose and find my own destiny, Eudaemonia is what I will feel.. a completeness and wholeness that will embrace me, not just God alone.

I'm still praying for that day to come. At the same time, working towards my ambition of wanting to be a "doctor". A doctor for the emotionally sick.

I will not forget what Iris told me tonight.



Went outing with my dear today. I was seriously in a lousy mood to go out when the time Squidy and I got to spend was like so little - 5 hours or so. She doesn't want to stay out so long in order not to fall sick for her coming Taiwan trip. Furthermore, she needed to be home for dinner. Argh!!! Frustrating at first.

I don't know where to go in the first place and by right we should be meeting each other at 2pm. I was fed up, and so was she. So I made certain statement without some thinking process and she got pissed and we almost canceled the date. At the point in time, I panicked. So all I did was to clear up the mess and compromise. In the end, everything turned out well for us and we got to meet each other for lunch at Wisma Atria.

I had to compromise because after this date, I won't be meeting my darling for another one week or so as she has to make a trip to Taiwan for a vacation with her 姐妹. So in order to get my heart healed from love sickness and properly maintained for the next one week or ten days, I had to meet her on this day. Yea, God knows how much I'd miss her if I miss this date altogether. Perhaps I'd become insane to the point of talking to myself in the bathroom each time I bathe? HAHAHA... Ye, and she means everything to me.

Strangely enough, I finally experienced a lack of idea within our date itself, for the first time! There's no where else to go already except spending quality time with ourselves. So we sat around the MRT station in Orchard for a while deciding where to head to. We did some memorable things like taking pictures of ourselves.. like what we usually did in the past when we had nothing better to do. Ya know, when you're in love, the place doesn't matter as long as you're with the right person. And indeed, I was with the loveliest person on this planet.


We held hands for as long as we could. I held hers tightly and kissed it. And for the first time, I felt the first love again. I don't know how to describe this feeling within me but it seemed as if someone was praying for me.. for us. And I did remember what Iris advised me - to trust Squidy and the fact that Squidy did told me she loves me. I have to learn to trust, just like how I trust God.

The photos kept coming... as we enjoyed ourselves to the fullest, even though we're wasting time, but the moments were already the most precious to us.

Here's our spastic shot! LOLX.. At least "spasticity" to the minimum.



... and the cute Squid together with the happiest Pork Chop in the world.



Of course, there were more pictures but they're personal. HAHAHA..

In addition, there had been some ups and downs between us over the past few weeks and today, we had them all sorted out and resolved. We were at the war memorial site in City Hall (very serene and peaceful), where we shared some of our troubles and feelings for each other. It really helped to ease the pain and load especially when you have someone to talk to and someone who listens to your every word. And it was really rare that Squidy would ever give me TLC that day. So with that, I did have a great time. lolx..

Felt great lying down, laying my head on her lap and looking up at her face. Felt so loved for the rarest time in my life. Felt the warmth I could never ever get from anybody else. Felt so peaceful and safe on her lap and I wished I could remain like this forever... I really want to be with her for as long as I can live. How long will I live? How long can I ever live? I want to live to see her hair turn gray.. as well as mine. How long.. will that ever be? How long.. will I ever take? I wish I could hold her for the longest time in my life.. for eternity. And she's all I ever need, besides Jesus. My love. My treasure.



Great, I had a tiring day today hunting books and doing research in the library. I've got to seriously catch up on my essay, even though its due date is on the next month, January, or next year if you like to put it that way. I got home, and felt really lethargic. Fortunately, I'm feeling way better now and I'm in no mood to read my references.

So here I go, blogging my misery away, and my current misery is... guess what, my home grooming. Yes. And I realized that I look the worst at home than anywhere else I could be at! Here's a little diagram of the faults I pin pointed out when I'm at home having a nice time fixing my face in the mirror.


Uncommon Sense Instruction: To view the image clearly, click on it to enlarge.

Looks like shit right? LOLX Anyway, I went to bugis while on my way to the library this evening and everywhere's filled with Christmas decorations and everyone's getting into their holiday mood while I'm still half-studying. Grrrgh...

I met Robin on the way and we were at Bugis Junction for a drink before making our way to find a phone-protector for my precious K800. Before the exit, stood this very beautiful Christmas tree. I took a picture of it.



Not bad eh? It's quite beautiful. My next shot will be the Cristmas tree at Raffles City. That one is huge! And it look so beautiful!

Bugis street was always crowded even on weekdays. It was evening then so large crowds of people were expected. I went there and got myself a phone-protector within several minutes.


Front


Side

Bought this for just 6 bucks and my dad claimed it's expensive and that the rubber one is better and cheaper. Hmm.. I'll consider that next time. Whahaha...

Alright, I think I said too much. Turning in now..! Gd nite peoplez!

*editted*
Oh, just before I sleep, I had to remove that tape on my nose.



*removing the stick-on on the spot*

Oh.. hoho.. my gawd..!! Okay this is my first time using this stick-on to get rid of my black heads. It's REALLY effective. Trust me, it worked!

Here's what happened when I took it off...



Whahahaha!!! GROSS!!! I heard that! Someone will definitely say that... LOLX

Alright then, let's bring this thing a little closer..



Maybe you need the large version of those 3.2 megapixel pictures to feel nauseatic. HAHAHA...

Bedtime!

*Rams the sack*
*editted*















It has been a challenging start of the week dealing with the matters of my heart and realizing my own problems and issues I yet to resolve within myself.

Sorry darling. I didn't mean to doubt your love and feelings towards me. First of all, I don't have enough courage to trust.. not even myself. I've been hurt a couple of times long before I knew you and I know that trust is a very difficult thing to do even when my heart's moving towards your direction.

But I've had great time yesterday with you. Pretty memorable because we're very open about ourselves last night. And I do appreciate it very much. I like it when people express themselves towards me (in short it's TLC), because that's the only thing that will communicate to me what they truly felt. Without that, I don't know what's going on in them. Yes, I'm that 'stupid'.

I'm glad we've resolved what had been a veil to my eyes for this whole week - all the misunderstandings and misconceptions of your feelings. I thought you hated me for feeling this way. And the fact that I was quite insecure at certain times makes me think that oh my gosh.. it's gonna be over. But I'm glad it's taking a new and fresh start. I hope we can continue to get to know each other better as a couple and please, do not forget to tell me if there's anything on your mind. Dense Piggy just don't get it sometimes.

*editted*
Anyway, here's the pic we took at Vivocity's balcony facing Sentosa Island.

Squidy forbids me to post our pics as we looked bad in it. Oh well... what to do. lolx.

Squidy was so happy! I just love her cute smile. Hahaha..
*editted*

Oh, Squidy saw my new phone and she played with it. So on our way to VVC, she took a candid picture of me.


Aww.. shuai right? And someone recommended me to put this on friendster to lure some more clicks and views! LOLX..
Who else? None other than Squidy herself. 该死的东西！！！ Whahahax..

Okay.. I'm not posting the other pictures without her own permission so for now, I gotta go do my assignment which is due.. tomorrow and online! Yikes and lots of reading too.

Alright I'm off!



Whee!! I'm writing this entry with my 3G handphone!
It's so cool now that I can blog using my phone..
Hehe... Although it's a little troublesome as my fingers are tired pressing the phone keypads, i still think this hp so cool! I really wonder how much are they charging for this entry.. whahaha...



They say that distance makes the heart grows fonder. I disagree.

If there's distance, will there be a negligence over time?

If there's ditance, will there be a lack of communication?

If there's distance, will there be a gradual errosion of love for each other?

I hate the fact that one's heart will turn so cold out of a sudden.

I hate the fact that one's feeling will numb so soon.

I hate the fact that immaturity sprouts the fear of commitment.

It's all the same; it's all the same.

At the end of everything, it's always driving me in circles.

And in circles it takes me back into misery.

What happened to my security?

What happened to my pride?

What happened to my charm?

Have I lost it? Have I lost them?

I want to gash myself and mutilate my soul.

I hate myself each passing day and have no peace.

I pray each time but receive no answers.

I feel neglected in this cold unspoken world.

I dream of love, of pleasure and of paradize.

And wish I could be there in a very short time.

That's where my home is.

The unconscious; the hidden; the unknown.

Is where my dream exists. Is where my soul lays.

Dead, jaded and unharmed. I want to be there. I want be there.

I dream of heaven and I know my time is yet to come.

My heart rings with tears of pain and anguish.

It struggles to love someone so deeply because of hope.

Faith hope and love.

I have faith, therefore, I hope.

I hope, therefore, I love.

I love, therefore, I get hurt everytime.

I wish I could stand up again.

I wish I can have the strength again.

I wish I can be whole again.

No matter what, I still believe that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

No matter what, I still believe that someday I will make it through this storm.

No matter what, I still believe that after the storm, I will see a rainbow in a green field, with the person I love to be with...

... All my life.

*editted*
WHOLE LOT OF RUBBISH!!! Squidy said she loves me and she still does.
Why should I be so insecure back then?? I need God's assurance more than anything else!!!
Stupid me! Squidy still loves me. And I still love her. I think I should give myself some breather and relax instead of being so tensed up!
*editted*

Founding Days
۩ Classic Age
(04/2004 - 06/2005) -
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10/2004; 11/2004; 12/2004;
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† Stepping Out
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Bardic Circle III
.: Renaissance
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Snow-covered Territory
.: 冰世界
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.: 冰世界2
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.: Infinity
(07/2007 - )


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