I've received an email from my previous cell group leader. It's a quiz he sent me and its title: The 5 Love Languages.
I've taken the test. And before that, I speculated that two of the love languages I need most are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. Of course, Physical Touch came after that according to my prediction. Here are the explanations for each love language, just in case you don't have any idea what are they:
Words of AffirmationVerbal compliments, or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation such as: "You look great in that suit", "Do you ever look nice in that dress." Every time someone does something good, give him/her a verbal compliment.
The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well being of the one you love. It is a fact that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.
Another dialect of affirming words is encouraging words. The word encourage means " to inspire courage". All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. That insecurity hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. The latent potential in our areas of insecurity may await someone uttering encouraging words to us.
Quality TimeBy quality time we mean giving someone your undivided attention. A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. Two people sitting in the same room are in close proximity, but they are not necessarily together. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. When a father is sitting on the floor, rolling a ball to his 2 year old, that brief moment, however long it last, they are together. However, if the father is talking on the phone while he rolls the ball, his attention is diluted.
Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other's eyes. The activity in which we are both engaged is incidental. The important thing emotionally is that we are spending focused time with each other The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness. The important thing about the father rolling the ball to the 2 year old is not the activity itself, but the emotions that are created between the father and the child.
Giving & Receiving GiftsA gift is something you can hold in your hand. It is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts, but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love. You must be thinking of someone to give that person a gift. The gift is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of that person. Gifts are visual symbols of love. Visual symbols of love are more important to some people than others. Because symbols do have emotional value.
Gifts come in all sizes, colors and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little, unless it is greatly out of line with what you can afford.
Acts of ServiceBy acts of service, it is meant doing things you know that your friend/spouse would like you to do. You seek to please him/her by serving them. Such actions include washing dishes, taking out the garbage, changing the baby's diaper, raking the leaves, walking the dog, vacuuming the carpet, etc. These activities require thought, planning, energy and effort. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. Sometimes you may make requests for acts of service to be carried out.
Requests can give direction to love, but demands can stop the flow of love. You can give guidance to love by making requests: "I wish you could wash the care, mow the grass, change the baby's diaper", etc. But remember that you cannot create the will to love. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love. If we choose to love, then expressing it in the way in which our friend/spouse requests will make our love most effective emotionally.
Physical TouchWe have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies that are held, hugged and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. The importance of touching children is not a modern idea. The first century, the Hebrews living in Palestine, recognizing Jesus as the great teacher, brought their children to Him "to have him touch them." Wise parents in any culture are touching parents.
Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate love or hate. A slap in the face is detrimental to any child but it is devastating to a child whose primary love language is touch. A tender hug communicates love to any child, but it shouts love to the child whose primary love language is physical touch. The same is true for adults.
Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing are all ways of communicating emotional love to one's spouse. For those whose primary love language is physical touch, without it they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.
Alright, I've done the test and it seems like I'm pretty hard to please. Sorry girls! But that's just the way I am. Take it or leave it. Oops! I forgot, I'm taken. HAHAHAx!
Okay, here're the results:
06 out of 12 = Words of Affirmation
11 out of 12 = Quality Time
01 out of 12 = Giving/Receiving Gifts
06 out of 12 = Acts of Service
06 out of 12 = Physical Touch
So, my hypothesis about my performance wasn't really accurate, but it did said something about "Quality Time" which I've always been longing for, especially in a relationship. Of course, Physical touch, Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service are crucial in making me feel loved.
Besides longing for some words of affirmation and desiring some thoughtful aids from my girlfriend, I would also love to be hugged, kissed and touched by her. All these are just so important to me. As for gifts, nah... I had lots of toys and got whatever I wanted since young and up till now, I think I'm still too spoilt for choice. Thus, giving gifts to me doesn't really make a slight difference, really, though I would still be moved by one's sincerity and kindness.
Well, what can I say? What's more important to me is still undivided attention. I just love the way a girl would listen to me attentively as if I'm the only person speaking the most sensible topic on earth. Hahax. Just kidding. A listening ear is what I truly like to see in a woman. She may talk a lot, but when it's my turn, I expect undivided attention.
I'd love to go places together with her; do things together; enjoy our time together, and all these are what makes me feel better as a whole individual. All my life I've always been keeping to small groups people whom I'm familiar with and most of the time, I do things alone. Some may think I'm a loner (Hey, I go to movies alone most of the time). But I've got a little bit of friends here and there, so that's way off from being a loner. Anyway... what the hell... it's a long story if I were to explain myself. It all started when I was a little boy then.
All I need to feel in a relationship is that we're together. The togetherness is a very crucial ingredient to be present in order for me to feel loved and somewhat, MORE secure.
Curious of where I took this test? Here, you may click on this
LINK and try it yourself for some fun. Enjoy!