September 26, 2006
I got a new hair cut three days ago! Actually, I planned to grow it longer. But it got real messy and "bad-hair" days were frequent for me for the past few months or so. On Tuesday afternoon right after Comms lesson, I met my darling for lunch and she was disgusted at the sight of me. Manz! That was a blow to my self-esteem + ego! Hahaha... so at that moment, I decided that I should go for a little trim to get the shape of the hairstyle I wanted to have. And... here you go, my current hairstyle:
Haha.. don't ya think it's better this way? So handsome! Like what my darling exclaimed the other day.
Shuai meh?? Okay lah.. I think it's quite neat in a way. And she likes being with a boyfriend with shorter hair instead of Jonathan Leong's hair length, which she thought of as disgusting and a complete turn-off. Haiz.. but what else can I say? I trimmed it to please her too ya know. And in return? I hope I can get more hugs from her if she's happier this way. Whahahaha! *chokes* *chokes*
Anyway, Squidy's not feeling well today. Brought her to consult her family doctor to see what went wrong. It seemed that she's been sleeping late ever since her school started. All because of her course work. This isn't healthy, plus the fact that she exercises regularly. It's going to put a strain on her health this way. Imagine having to exercise when you have limited hours of sleep? It's going to be a total burn-out manz..
I hope she's feeling much better now, and guys, please pray for her speedy recovery. My birthday's coming and I pray that she would be in good health condition to celebrate it with me... This birthday means SO much to me.
Oh Squidy, if you're reading this blog, I've copied down some sermon notes shared during cell group. They are pretty encouraging. For those who are also interested to know what's up, our pastor has been speaking about marriage and relationship between our dates or spouses for the past two months. And last week, he had completed the entire series of "Making Marriage Work". So this week, the message was a re-cap and addition to what was shared last saturday. Here you go, the summary:
7 Elements of Romance1. The Unexpected - Speaks of surprises and how they can bring both parties closer to each other. Everyone loves surprises. Giving great surprises every now and then actually do bring joy to your significant others.
2. Dating - One is never too old to date. Even thoug you're in a marriage, never kiss dating goodbye. Set aside time for each other and do the things you both once did, perhaps, on your first date, and speak as close friends again. This would bring back memories and the sweetness will come back. Be patient.
3. Something Impractical - Getting flowers for a woman may seem to be a ridiculous act to some hardcore practical individuals who lack emotional flexibility and are so romantically rigid. Although it may seem to be that way for some, it's one of the little things that mustn't be overlooked or underestimated. The impact such action can leave on a person is very lasting. And sometimes, doing the little things are much better than making a huge impression as if you are "trying too hard". For those who get it, good.
4. Creativity - Let's be flexible and not stick to the same old things over and over again. Do different things at different times. This is the key to prevent a relationship from becoming boring and turning sour in the long run.
5. Daily Caring; Showing Concern; Listening; Speaking the Love Languages - I don't need to elaborate on this. But as for love languages, I will touch on them later.
6. Open Expression - No one wants to date a robot. Let's all learn the right way to express ourselves to our significant other such that both parties could understand each other more. Not only that, being emotionally expressive could save the relationship from loads of unnecessary squabblings or conflicts. This is a very important part in the area of communication! This doesn't only apply in marriage or dating relationships, it also applies to normal social interaction with friends and relatives.
7. Commitment - The very frightening word to almost anyone on this planet, be it males or females. But it's very important if you want to keep the relationship going strong. Commitment includes quality time and undivided attention towards your significant other. It is the glue that keeps two people together. Being devoted to someone means you desire to have a long-term relationship with him/her. Also, it's a form of willing and satisfied sacrifice you make to your significant other, which is the result of your love. In my opinion, the level of love you show to someone, determines the amount of sacrifice you make. And that's a form of commitment as well.
And here comes the
5 Languages of Love... as many would have heard it:
1. Words of Affirmation - Speaking words of encouragement, assurance and praise. All these in truth with love.
2. Quality Time - Undivided attention. Can be shown through the little things like listening.
3. Gift-Giving - Being generous and giving is a form of love we can show to almost anyone around us. This helps to strengthen a relationship and this language must not to be overlooked.
4. Act of Service - The very simple little things you do to make someone happy out of love. I believe, this point is clear enough.
5. Physical Touch - We are humans, not robots. We need touch. Without them, we\'ll feel lonely, unaccepted, and lousy about ourselves. A gentle pat on the shoulder of a friend is a sign of encouragement to himher. It might just mean a lot to that person.
That's all for the sermon summary dear. I hope all that I've shared about with you lately could really encourage the both of us to work together as a team to make this relationship stronger. I have faith in you and us. Let's not cease our prayers for each other. Have a speedy recovery!
I love you.
September 25, 2006
It's already pass midnight and I'm still awake 'cos I haven't enjoyed enough free time I gave to myself after a very tiring week. I'm so glad that my Comms essay is completed and handed in on time. And what's more is that I had a Distinction for my one of my Psychology assignments. That made me real high for the weekend, at least for a while. I've been "partying" last Saturday after church service and I had a great time fellowshiping with my new cell group.
Thank God that I made a quick reconciliation with Squidy that evening after service. I was really hurt and she was slightly miffed over what happened on Friday evening during our tennis lesson. Alright, I messed things up and I wasn't focusing right. I was tired, overly stressed and so excited over nothing. It seemed as if I was on some 'drugs' or somethin' - maybe steroids. Kept stealing her hits when it's apparent that the ball is within her reach... I was guilty. It's sad when someone gives you a cold shoulder overnight. I was hurt, frustrated, tired and angry. Part of me felt like quitting tennis altogether as I realized that team sport isn't THE sport for me, and very often, Squidy gets pissed with the way I am on the court. With such a sport fanatic like her, I feel, in a way, intimidated.
But all these were settled, thankfully. I had a talk with her and everything is alright now. There's finally peace, serenity, acceptance and most importantly, love.
It's strange that an individualistic sportsman like me can work well in groups, doing projects, organizing events and stuffs.. Maybe it's a different context altogether? Or a different setting? I don't know. But I really enjoy working in a group. And most of the time, I like being the Planner, the Navigator or the Director. Anything that allows me to make decisions. I LOVE MAKING DECISIONS!!! Whahaha! Pardon me for making it seem like I'm 'talking big', but I know myself more than others, and Squidy is an exception. I love to be consulted. I love to guide or direct people to THE WAY. I love to plan things and get things done by allocating responsibilities to each member within the group. That's something I like doing. Call me arrogant, but that's just the way I am. It's just that you've not seen the "Mr. Nice-Guy" in me yet!
Anyway, I've taken a personality test. Gosh, it's like.. God knows how many times I did this test and to confirm the most accurate results ever gathered... here's mine. But wait a minute, I'm really shocked that I've changed quite a bit since school re-opened. Here you go.
Enneagram Test Results | Type 1 | Perfectionism | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Type 2 | Helpfulness | |||||||||||| | 46% | | Type 3 | Image Awareness | |||||||||||||||||| | 73% | | Type 4 | Sensitivity | |||||||||| | 36% | | Type 5 | Detachment | |||||||||| | 33% | | Type 6 | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Type 7 | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Type 8 | Aggressiveness | |||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Type 9 | Calmness | |||||||||| | 40% | Your main type is 3 Your variant is sexual |
Take Free Enneagram Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com Results are pretty accurate. It's just that I am surprised that I suddenly turned extrovert. But I guess I'm just halfway in between extraversion and introversion. *shrug*
They say that ENTJs are "natural-born" leaders. I'm not sure how accurate is that. But if it is, then what makes ESTJ? That will keep me thinking, "If only I can be less sensitive enough". Hahaha...
September 21, 2006
After all the hard work I put into my Radio blog. It's definitely demoralizing to see such a message after barely a week:
"The requested URL /radio.blog/radioblog.swf was not found on this server."
I don't know what happened to my FTP domain or to Radioblog itself. It's been several days now and my Radioblog is still missing!!! ARGH!!! Super frustrating lah..
Anyway, I'm taking illegal break from my three-quater-finished Comms essay, which is supposed to be dued tomorrow. And honestly, I still do not know why am I writing that essay. It's a really challenging topic about fandom, which is pretty much theoretical and point based. It's just not my cup of tea probably I'm a "passive" fan of K-pop. *shrug* My friend writes fan-fiction, my girlfriend attends Jay Chou's concerts like any other aficionados out there and I'm a member of a forum filled with k-pop fanatics who share mp3s, videos and even write k-pop fan-fiction! I wonder how they do that. Such active fandom community makes me feel inappropriate to write such an essay when I'm just a "normal" fan of k-pop. How IRONIC!
My life's filled with irony these days, which got me to really wonder if this is a signal from above. Maybe I was too confident; maybe I was too distracted to realize certain truth; or maybe, I am such an unreasonable perfectionist like what somebody (not mentioning names here) suggests about me. I know I am a perfectionist at times, no doubt about that, 'cos I've always wanted the best for myself. However, this "virtue" of mine has certain disgusting side effects, which may pull me away from the crowd of reliable friends, not mentioning God.
I just hope that God will change me like how I pray every night. It's just a matter of time before I realize that not eveything is perfect or at least, perfect according to my expectations. I guess it's time for me to learn things the hard way, by acknowledging the fact that my personal expectations of myself are too high. And yes, I agree that God wants all of us to excel in the things we do, but am I stressing myself out? I don't know. Maybe. Tell you a "secret" - I want to get distinctions for all my units this semester.
Okay, it's no longer a secret, but an astonishing news. To those who know me well enough, I was never like this. I have never wanted to step over the edge and challenge myself like what is happening now. I once believed in doing my best but never did. My life in Nanyang Polytechnic was a very good example of how a slacker managed to slack hard for his studies and ended up with pathetic results. Was I discouraged? Of course I was. But I've never given up.
Another life example was during my BMT course in the Army, when getting over and done with it is all that mattered to me - not a good posting to OCS nor getting the best trainee award. I slacked my way through. Another reason is also due to my unusual fear of filth, all thanks to a very good life I lead as a civilian.
As you can see, all these are examples of why I've not succeeded. A very immediate turn of event happened in my life that cost me pain and sufferings, as well as 156 needles, made me a different person altogether. But this lesson have not taught me how to grow out of my comfort zone. I wanted to succeed but I'm not putting in my all. It's a very contradicting belief system I adopted indeed.
I did not realize how hardworking I became till I met the love of my life more than half a year ago. She has been very encouraging and never failed to be there for me when I faced certain difficulties. And we've been through a little bit of rain and sunshine together. It was being with her that I realized my potential I have for certain things. Not only that, I've become more hardworking because she herself is one hardworking person.
And I just couldn't forget the words she once told me before my matriculation to Monash University. She said that the purpose I matriculate is to get distinctions, not just credits and definitely not anything below them. If it is your purpose of getting anything below them, then it is way better that you do not matriculate at all. I was so impacted by those challenging words and from then on, I told myself that, I should work hard, not for the sake of pleasing my girlfriend; or proving to myself; or boasting to others. But I realized, day by day, that I'm doing this for a vision I have and also, to glorify God with my good grades.
Since then till now, I have no idea why the expectations i have for myself are getting way out of hand. Probably it's because of my over-confidence? Or is it because of my lack of awareness regarding where I actually stand? Or is it that I'm stressed out? Or maybe I'm too busy with my assignments these days that I failed to hear the Word or take the time to self-reflect? I'm still wondering though...
But despite all these, the reason that got me stepping out of my confort zone and doing something for my future has got to be the woman I love most in my life. Thank you darling. You have made me a better person than I was before. Being with you has got to be the happiest thing that could ever happen to me. God loves you, and I love you, very very much.
September 18, 2006
Well done, I'm stuck in the middle of my damn essay. I've written the introduction and am now stuck in the middle of nowheere, trying to think of what to write next. This is just great. I can't believe I could end up in such a state like this. So much about Comms and so much about wanting to do that freakin' unit, thinking it's within my strength. I'm partially wrong I guess. I just hate myself for overestimating me.
Don't ask me what am I going to do now, as I've no idea how to go on like this. My assignment's due this friday and I'm struggling for this essay that's worth 40% of the entire unit! Feel like crying now. feel so stressed. Besides,I want to complain about everything that's presented to me all this while, including the lecturer and the way the lessons were being carried out. EVERYTHING is SO SCREWED UP!!! I wanted to get a distinction for this unit but I guess all I could do now, is just aim for a credit, which seems as if it's going to be some hard work involved for the next two months or so.
Argh... why....?
I'm tearing myself apart right now and I'm best known for my anxiety disorders. This is way beyond control and I'm afraid I might go crazy soon. Call me stupid, but actually, I'm not the academic sort of person. I'd rather go to work and earn a living out there. Though it may be hard, but it's all worth it. The reason why I'm studying now is because I want to have a wider job options, so that not only I could get a job, but rather, get into a position. I'm not there just for money alone. I'm there for a purpose. Thus I made this effort to do the best I can in my studies right now.
But it's not easy. I'm sure my girlfriend knows about this. Part of me really felt like whining to her but I hate whiners. I hate the fact that I'm weak at times and that I need support, especially from the girl I love most. So I keep quiet about it and she still thinks I had an easier life than her, just because she's doing a double degree. In fact, I wonder if she understands my side of the story, in that I'm not satisfied with my qualification and wanted more for myself and my future. I'm doing all this despite of my inability to get the study facts in my head sometimes. I'm doing all this despite my limited knowledge of the units I'm taking. All this, is for a vision I hold.
Where are my friends? Where is everyone? Suddenly, I felt so alone...
September 17, 2006
I've just taken the Instinctual Variant Test and hee's my results: -
Ooh.. I'm so sexual! Hahaha...
September 15, 2006
At last and alas, I've gotten back my results for my previous assignments. Well, victory and loss at the same time. What can I say about this? Stalemate?
Well, the war's not over yet. But at least, I can now form a clear picture of who my "friend" is, who the "enemy" is and who the "traitor" is. Hahaha... sounds like warfare kinda thing. But I enjoy this. lolx..
Anyway, it seems that my enemy, AKA Journalism, has become my "friend" out of a sudden! Shocking isn't it? I mean, I was demoralized, depressed and super-critical about my writing skills. And it seems like it's an illusion after all. I was in fact, DIS-illusioned. Disillusioned by this irony that disgusts me. I HATE journalism. And I mean REAL hatred. I don't know when I developed that but I guess it's because of my knowledge of certain weakness in my writing skills and idea presentations. Besides, it's really tedious gathering information and resources for my feature article and pin-pointing out those stupid terms like anecdotes and authentic facts et cetera... I thought I'd screw up. But I didn't. I got a HIGH DISTINCTION for that stupid piece of assignment!!!
Damn it! And my Comms assignment, a f**king Pass. This is SO ironic! I'd never expected I'd do badly for my Comms, one of my favourite units this semester. This is shit work manz! Where did I get this piece of crap result for my second major? I'd rather do better for my Comms, than to score like a shitty 80 marks for my Journalism crap. Alright, forget it. It's done.. it's done.
Guess who's the "traitor"? Comms? Nope! It's
Darren Teo! Ok.. ok.. some of you must be laughing at this lame crap I'm talking right now. But honestly, if I had the power to change things, I would put Darren Teo in Journalism class and invite Ms Sheila Wan to guide me for my Comms unit. That'll be much better I guess. This way, I would be able to concentrate better during Comms lessons. At least, I don't have to be bored stiff every Tuesday with a slow-paced lecture and monotonous explanations. I'd rather die with a Pass in Journalism class for whatsoever... I don't bother. It just gets to me when the things I like doesn't produce the result I want. Of course, I'm not blaming Darren Teo entirely for his boring lectures. I think I've poor argumentative skill in my essay as well. Well, how do I pick up such foreign skill, which I've never practised in my life?
I really feel inferior to those JC students. They had so much advantage over me. It doesn't matter if it's Psychology, Comms or Journalism, they had gone through the JC life and are trained for their journey to the university. I'm not. And I haven't. They had two years of training time in their cosy JCs. I spent two stupid years in my shells crapes and prison-like barrack living like a low-life enlistee of the SAF - a form of wasting time and a painful corrosion process of accumulated knowledge. Nevertheless, they are nice people. I once thought they're nerds. But I was wrong. Well, my girlfriend proved my theory wrong and so did all my new friends I made in school as well. I really hope someone would just guide me along in this course. I may be missing out on some knowledge those JC students learned, but I'm always willing to work hard on catching up with them. I don't know how to not feel inferior, as such feelings are often on-and-off. It's hard because it's HARD fact.
Anyway, my enemy has become my friend. What more can I say? Should I make Journalism my specialization? Or is this a sign that I've chosen the wrong course? Nope, definitely not the latter. I've got faith in Psychology and Comms, still.
I need prayer. Lots of prayers. Brothers! Sisters! Please pray for me! I need strength and wisdom to do my assignments and get a high distinction for all my units. Jesus, I need a miracle..
September 13, 2006
WoO hOo!!! I've finally got Radio.blog working for the very first time in my blogging life! Phew all thanks to the FTP client, which I've recently discovered over Radio.blog's FAQ forum.
Special thanks to: ~
-
Berticus for his great
video tutorials on installing Radio.blog.
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HostFreeWeb.com-
CDex PlayerThanks to: ~
-
Color Code Combination Chooser for their color variety. Wonderful!
-
Nero Wave Editor for its superb music editting functions. You guyz are great!
Finally, I'd like to express my great appreciation to
Radio.blog. Keep up the good job guyz! This blog would be boring without you.
Okay.. I now declare the official completion of my blog's renovation. No more whining by myself on my lack of IT knowledge and no more seeking help in vain from contacts who know nuts about setting up this shit. And the irony is that, I made it worked.
So much for asking for help. Anyway, I've given credits to the tutorials - the links are available above - so if you want to get a radio blog too, you can easily access those links as well.
8 more days for me to complete my Comms assignment. It's so shitty. I've got a lot to read and I'm not sure if I can finish reading everything from the resources gathered. Can't wait for this to be over as I'm getting worn out from assignments after assignments. Not only that, I need to mug on my Psychology unit as well and now it seems like there's so little time left. And my stupid Journalism arts sequence! It's taking up so much of my time! Thankfully, I already had my course plan altered for the coming semester right after the Summer (as in Australian summer).
Here's my entire course plan for my degree. And guess what, I never thought I could put off Journalism to the last semester before my graduation. Don't ask me why I appealed for this alteration. It's just that I can't bear to let Journalism take up my time for my two other majors.
To someone I know from class: ~
Hey, if you hate to do Journalism, you can't appeal to drop it. I can't either, because this is an arts sequence. So screw it. What you CAN do, is to follow my course plan.. if you like. I'm very interested in taking up Counselling as one of my Psychology electives in my third year. As such, this will be the course plan for me if I want to do Counselling. I'm not sure about you though.. but anyway, I'm temporarily kissing Journalism's ass goodye. Hehehe.. lolx
September 11, 2006
I've been fixing the Radio.blog since recently. It's really tough to get it working especially when I've not touched my HTML and my advance scripts for a long time since about close to a year ago? I forgot. See? How short-term my memory is.. sigh...
So how? How? How? Anyone has
lobangs? Or anyone has a Radio.blog
si-fu or 师夫 to teach and guide me with this xml shit?
I must admit, I'm getting more computer illiterate as months go by. It's now all about books and textbooks. No more hands on. Boohoo... and I hate that feeling 'cos I'm slacking in something.
Sigh... I need help.
September 07, 2006
There are a few things that writers (like me) suffer from:
1. Writer's Block Symdrome
2. Disorganization of thoughts
3. Crap-sense
4. Summary Sickness
And I am definitely not excluded. Thank God I managed to complete my feature article assignment tonight. And guess when's the due date? TOMORROW. Yes. And I am always on time.
We usually go through the above process in its numerical order when we start writing. Hate it; but, live with it.
Why is it that I always have Writer's Block Syndrome at the start of my assignments? I have no idea what to write about so I go around in circles trying to get inspiration to my work. And damn.. those topics.
Sooner than I know, my thoughts start to wonder around in outer space. Ideas were formed from 'satellites' maneuvering in my brain and BOOM!!! What do I have? A large sum of ideas that will not be easily organized within a few nights. This really freaks me out especially when I had to keep telling myself to take more breaks and leave the job to Inspiration.
And duh.. taking more breaks do not guarantee that I'll have my job done straight away. If I ever succeed getting my thoughts and ideas sorted out, I'd be super happy to start writing away. The problem is, I get distracted with stupid thoughts every now and then. This is the 'crap-sense' phase that I'd undergo. I don't know about you. The crap-sense about me is that I put in too much unnecessary words into my masterpiece and ruining it in seconds. I hate to admit this, but honestly, I am really a long-winded ass who will go on and on with unlimited control over his mind. This is really painful. I wish I could rid this habit as soon as I find a way to.
Another problem with me - being concise. I hate being concised. Simply because I'm a naggy freak with too much to inform. Therefore, it's a headache trying to figure out what title to give to my feature article. Or rather, for other writings as well. This is one huge obstacle at the end of a writer's suffering process. Till now, I've yet to come up with a satisfactory title to my damn article. Argh!!!
The problem with me is that I'm problematic towards myself at times. Loving myself has got to be the hardest task one could ever imagine. But hey, this isn't me at all! Maybe I'm just ranting...
September 06, 2006
After ten months of seeing the same template over and over, I decided to do some renovation of this little cottage of mine. Bardic Circle has been a great name to have but sometimes, some things have to go. I've decided to get a new template and start things afresh once more because I couldn't stand the thought of stagnating at the level of how I write my stuffs.
It's pretty demoralizing to learn that there're many people out there who are much better than me in some ways. They may write better than I do. And you might wonder why I keet stressing on this. It's because there're two groups of people who're giving me two different opinions on what they felt about my writing skills.
One group commented that I write well. The other commented that I need lots of improvement. Frankly, I do not know who or which group is being honest to me.
So what are the things I should improve on?
1. Grammar - This is pretty shameful because I past my English profficiency test.
2. Spelling - There's a saying that if one knows how to spell, he/she would succeed in life. I want to succeed and I'm very skeptical about this saying.
3. Sentence structure - Too much Singlish makes me a gradual failure in my writing hobby. It is as if the Speak-good English Campaign isn't successful at all.
4. Idea Organization - I have PLENTY of ideas. Yes. I mean LOTS of them. But re-arranging them well is a tough nut to crack.
My school colleague, who is a writer of Japanese fan-fics, advised me to pick up reading, a hobby which I've given up since secondary school. How do I pick it up again, since I've short attention spent? I don't even have the time to read novels or fan-fics for god sake. I hate this feeling of inferiority especially when I'm surrounded by people who are more talented than I am.
Now, this brings me to another billion-dollar question. What talent do I have?
