July 16, 2006
What are the qualities are you looking for in a friend? This is one question you have to ask yourself before continuing any friendship bringing that relationship to another level. Why is that so? Simple.
Everywhere you go, there bound to be people around you. And the people you choose to talk to or mingle with can have a little impact on you. Deny no further, because people always influence each other. Whether you choose to be influenced or not, somehow or rather, there bound to be certain people will have an influence over you and your mentality.
Thus, it's always very important to decide who walks with you, and who must depart from you. Cruel as it may seem to be, but it's all for the sake of your well-being.
Firstly, I went to a forum (which I'll not reveal which one is it) to do a little survey. The title of my survey is "What Qualities of a Person Qualifies to be Your Friend?" Here are the respective relevant answers: -
"Loyalty"
"Honesty"
"Huh? Still wanna know their qualities before you decide whether you wanna befriend them?" (typical Singaporean attitude)
"Dedication to whatever
course you embark on." (wrong spelling, it should be
cause, again, a typical Singaporean spelling mistake)
"Understanding"
"Doesn't backstab"
"Trust"
"Willing to Sacrifice."
"Fun & exciting to be with."
"Someone who will not hessitate to give you negative comments or criticise your action for your own good. Also, someone who will help you or even brainstorm solutions and ideas for you."
Some of these statements make sense, but some of them are shallow.
Having a friend is like allowing that person come right into your heart and letting him/her revolve around you. Those people whom you choose to make friends will somehow be involved in your life, like it or not.
Loyalty is a good trait. No one likes being pushed aside only when bad things happen to them. Disloyalty in a friends makes you feel used and taken advantaged of. Good trait; but not a quality.
Honesty is a virtue. Everyone should develop that principle of being honest. However, this is simply not enough.
Qualities in a person is what everyone look for when finding a friend. To say that there's no need to look for criteria is simply very ignorant and rather, stupid or shallow -
"Anything will do lah, can tok cok can liao". This is a typical immature Singaporean attitude I must say. Don't adopt such attitude. It's a big disgrace to the nation.
It's good finding someone who shares your ideals and vision. That's something sensible at last.
Being understanding is essential. Be quick to understand and seeking to understand rather than to be understood, is a good virtue to possess. Again, it's a good trait, but not a quality.
Who likes backstabbers? No one likes them. But what if someone doesn't backstab you, instead, they leave you when you are most in need. Isn't that just as bad? This answer is simply shallow.
Trust is a definite must in every relationship. But before building the trust, you need to find out if the people you're mingling with is worth your time or not. Or are they just a pain in the neck for you.
When someone is willing to sacrifice his time and money with you in the correct area is wise. When someone is willing to sacrifice his freedom for you, is foolish. Which one is it?
Fun and excitment won't last. If you're talking about one night stands or joining a gang, then I guess I'll agree with you.
Fellows, you need to decide what kind of people you want to be with and start looking out for such qualities. If you stick with people who are capable and talented, you'll be of high calibre and just as talented as they are. If you stick with people who are lazy and without an objective in their lives, you'll be a sloth and never will you be successful in life. If you want to soar like an eagle, don't mingle with turkeys.
After some experience with what goes on in my life, I decided to write down the important qualities, which I look for in a friend.
1. My friends must be commited to long-term relationship.
2. My friends must have a dream in life.
3. My friends must be sowers.
4. My friends must be able to receive what I sow into their lives.
5. My friends must have integrity.
6. My friends mustn't be afraid to confront my flaws and weaknesses.
7. My friends and I must be able to empower each other to succeed.
As long as all these qualities are found in anyone in your life, that person is indeed your true friend - be it your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or parents.. they are your friends.
Because true friends are really very hard to come by, learn to cherish them while they're still alive.
